how do i stop these feelings of insecurity?

Question

me and my girlfriend have been dating for 5 months, but have know each other for about 12 years. We are very much in love and both of us plan on spending our lives together. However, i tend to be very insecure and she says "clingy". If she doesnt tell me she loves me all the time, or doesnt text, or call then i start to wonder whats going on, and think that she may not be interested anymore. My mind starts to wander and for some reason I always think the worst. This usually only happens when im bored and allow my mind to wander. I need help!! How do I stop being insecure, and why do I feel the need to always be reassured. How can I stop acting like this? I dont think its so much that im insecure in myself as much as its that i love her so much and i fear losing her, and not having her in my life. Any advice?

Answer 1

You probably didn't get the love you needed when you were growing up so it never feels enough because you didn't get it from your parent/s. And you may think it's too good to be true and are suspicious of it. You don't believe you are good enough for her so think anyone can take her away from you and you need constant reassurance to make sure- it's that never ending approval you sought when you were little and didn't get it or you were never good enough to your parent/s. Just be logical- is she with you? yes, she's been with you all this time, she hasn't indicated anything's wrong so stop making things up. If you keep this up she may leave you- the very fear that's making you do this. Take control of it, you can do it. Tell yourself your fears are unfounded, that they are silly and just make yourself not be so clingy. Maybe when you have this need, instead of looking for her, write it down and then ask yourself- does it make sense? You could also call a friend before calling her so that this friend can bring you back to reality. Maybe this will deter the need to call her anymore.

Answer 2

You could use therapy. You are headed into a failed relationship with all the negative emotions you are having.

What was your relationship with your parents? Your mother?Sometimes people try to feel the love they have missed as a child from a partner. Eventually that kind of pressure will drive your partner away. Always think of your partner as an equal.

Lean into your worst fear. Erase the negative thoughts once and for all by seriously looking at all the possibilites....one last time. Just suppose your girlfriend left you.
Think of all the various circumstances. She runs away with the circus.
She contracts an exotic virus and , heaven forbid, passes away.
She wins a zillion dollars in the lottery and moves to a mountaintop with her celebrity actor friend. Think about all the possibilities. Realize that she is human. You only have today in that relationship. Tomorrow you might die. The world goes on.

Secure feelings happen with maturity and experience and the realization that other people cannot fix us or really make us better people. Once you allow yourself to believe that you are really loved, you have to trust that the sky will not fall in if you don't hear from her for one day.

You have to back off and give her some breathing room or you will stifle the relationship.

Answer 3

First off..take a deep breath.....hold it for a couple of seconds..then let it out slowly, You are in fear of losing her as you love her sooo much....But listen..Trust, Communication and Honesty are the keys to a long healthy relationship*
I'm not sure if you have an ex g/friend that cheated on you or flirted with guys..,or because this is the first real love you've ever felt ..etc....but if you don't stop being sooo clingy...having to have her say I LOVE YOU all the time (makes a person not want to say it at all as it then becomes just WORDS (as you're MAKING her have to say it every single time if you have a phone call or txt from her) It should be because the person WANTS to say I LOVE YOU*..but being forced to HAVE to say it or you start to question whats goin on??.... or for her not texting right back, maybe she has family she does things with., or umm work, go to school, have friends to visit, cousins.....You are Driving her right out the door*! You need to sit down with her, tell her what you're feeling...and that you've now snapped back to reality and will Stop doing that as You dont want to lose her* Remember..Trust, Communication and Honesty* :)Keep on SMlin*Goodluck*

Answer 4

I know exactly where you are coming from. I feel that you must began to trust your girlfriend. She is going to become distant towards you if you dont began to trust her. Just by your actions, she knows that you love her, but after five months of constant jealousy, it gets old and tiresome. She already said that you are clingy, so its starting to bother her and she may feel as if you are trying to be controlling. Dont continue to do be so clingy. Im sure that if she has been with you this long that she loves you and she wouldnt want to lose a good thing.

Answer 5

I feel like that sometimes with my boyfriend. I also know other people in the same situation. I think it is definately the fear of losing the people that you love. What i try to do is to stay postive and keep in my mind i haven't done anything wrong for me to lose my boyfriend, rather then think otherwise! It's better it makes you proud of yourself and feels much better. :)
You seem sweet and there is nothing wrong with that. Try no to be "clingy" or it might push her away!
:) Take care

Answer 6

see it incredibly is a situation of the previous and enable or no longer it is the previous. Why mingle with ur stable cutting-edge? And if u have any doubts sit down with ur gf at an exceptionally romantic place and in basic terms tell her that u love her extra effective than urself and after u take her in ur self assurance u ask her what u concern abt flippantly. ok and u r no fool. whilst it occurs all of us experience insecure. So suited needs and be overjoyed with ur better half

Answer 7

don't let the devil bring things into your mind ..especiallywhen you'll love each other so much .the devil like to break up very loving relationships ..go out ...find a hobby or go to friends house ..or just go out ...with friend when you stay at home waiting ..for your girlfriend doing nothing that's when the devil get in ..your mind. fight that feeling and know that your girlfriend love you dearly ..good luck and stop thinking soo much..:)..

Answer 8

If she doest call, call her, same with texting. i mean she doesnt have to do EVERYTHING. if you feel like you are loosing her talk to her. think about your commitment for spending the rest of your life with her. is she ready, are you ready? if you are talk to her about it. make her feel special. shes not the only one in the relationship. you are a part of it to.

just relax. and try to go easy on your self. give yourself a day off of everything. then get back in the game. your holding up well.

good luck.
:D

Answer 9

its really hard, it took me years to learn to stop being this way... i guess you just have to realize one day, that if she is going to cheat or leave you, then its going to happen, and there is nothing you can do to stop it... if that is on her mind, it will be accomplished... you need to just live everyday for the day itself and stop wondering but what if.. its hard trust me, i was always super jealous and lovey with all my ex's and one day i just woke up and wondered why the hell do i really care, its their lost anyways. but best of luck

Answer 10

i am the same... i dont know why. i think it not that i dont trust him but i dont trust all the girls around him... but he loves me and she loves you so she wont let anything happen that would wreck the relationship. ok, so dont worry about it... i have learnt to let him have his space and i have mine and things have never been better!! good luck