Is my thesis good or really bad?what do you suggest to make it better if it is bad?

Question

I am writing an MLA essay about mass media and how television has decreased our intelligence. Do you think this might be a good thesis? ::: Although media appears to be a great communicational source, actually media is another persuasive way of obtaining peoples attention by advertisements and entertaiment.

Answer 1

I'd move 'actually' around and substitute 'by' with 'through.' For example:

Although media appears to be a great communicational source, it is actually another persuasive way of obtaining people's attention through advertisements and entertainment.

Answer 2

I wouldn't say communicational Try "Although media appears to be a great source (of or for) communication, media is actually a persuasive way of obtaining peoples attention by advertisements and entertaiment."

Answer 3

Your thesis is awful. You are contradicting yourself. How, in your opinion, does media manage to get people's attention without being "a great communicational source"? Don't advertisements and entertainment exist BECAUSE they communicate something to people? I would delete the first half of your sentence. You would have a good thesis if you said, simply: Media persuades people through advertisements and entertaiment.

Answer 4

How can you prove that television decreases a viewer's intelligence? Does this hold true for viewers of science programs like Nova or documentaries on the History channel?

Advertisements pay the costs of programming. You may want to choose a more specific thesis. Consider this quote "In the factory we produce makeup, but in the store we sell hope." Consider what advertisers are really selling.

Answer 5

yes, i was gonna say exactly what cheryl said. with actually in that location, your thesis is syntaxically incorrect.

booya.

but, ACTUALLY, you might not even want to use the word actually, because it's pretty colloquial. alright so let me just come out with it, and you can plagiarize me by writing:
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although media appears to be a great communicational source, media is another manipulative means to obtain peoples' attention through advertisements and entertainment.
----
but eh, what do i know.


EDIT: actually, i know realize mine sucks. i just didn't want to change yours around too much. but reading the theses of others, i see that you, basically, should just start from the ground up. thank you very much

Answer 6

First your contradicting you thesis with your supporting details.
Your thesis is okay, but another easier way to do it would be...
Media is another persuasive way of obtaining peoples attention because 1_________, 2__________,3____________. By doing this you are able to use reasons 1, 2, and 3 for your body paragraphs. This helps your writing to be more organized and to stay on track with the main idea. Good luck

Answer 7

Marshall McLuhan stated that, "The medium is the message." The most common media, television, is often thought as merely another media, but what is it's real message? I will be showing how television (use the full word, not "TV") is only a method of obtaining people's (note spelling) attention to persuade them to attend to advertisements.

Answer 8

Media is a great communicational source; it is cajoling method to attract people to purchase products through entertaining advertisements.

ur thesis above contradicted itself- what's the point of using "although,"; also, media is a communicational source which can be seen as companies advertise their products to gain universal support. companies communicate their products to the masses thru media- its a way to advertise

Answer 9

your thesis is okay but it lacks specific detail. Why would obtaining people's attention lower their IQ? State somewhere in your thesis that by distracting people with entertainment/advertis., the media lowers they intelligence by...
Since you are writing about your topic and "how" you would need to justify in your statement. By the way, you can get rid of the word "actually" because it's wordy and unecessary.

hope i helped. sorry if i offended you by tearing your thesis apart.

Answer 10

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