She wants to be with a girl just once and put it away forever?

Question

Well, my girlfriend is bisexual. She had sex with a girl once in her past in a threesome (I hadn't met her yet). We plan to get married but she said that before we get married she wants to have sex with a girl alone once, no guy. She says that it's a big part of her and that she feels like she needs to do this, she has to do this. She said she wants to do it and put it away for good (what does that mean?) before we get married. She said she'd feel most comfortable with her close friend who is also bisexual, and not a stranger because she doesn't want the stranger to get the wrong idea. She said that afterwards she'd tell me everything, what they did, does she feel satisfied getting it done with, everything. What should I do? I'm a bit lost and a bit scared.

We both know that it's cheating no matter how we look at it. She said she wished she'd gotten it done with before she met me, and she feels bad for bringing it down on me but she feels she has to do this before we get married.

Answer 1

Life is full of compromises. Basically, either you or her will have to compromise. If you compromise, then you'll let her go. If she compromises, she won't go.

If she compromises, I don't really see that you would owe her anything. You're not the one who put her in this position. But if you compromise, then she's putting you in a position that makes you feel awkward. Point all of this out to you.

But, like I said, life if *full* of compromises. If she gets something that puts you in an awkward position, shouldn't you get something that puts her in awkward position? Fair is fair, right? Do you have anything that you want before you get married that would put her in an uncomfortable position?

I had a girlfriend once who said, "Just one time before I get married, I'd like to go to an orgy." I told her that if she did, then I didn't want to hear any complaints about my bachelor party. "What will you do at your bachelor party?" she asked, to which I replied, "I don't know, I'll let you know after. But you can't complain." She didn't think that was fair, and I said that it was up to her, she could not do the orgy and then my bachelor party would be pizza and movies, or she could do the orgy and I'll tell her what I did after and she can't complain.

I'd say the same kind of thing goes for you. Not that you have wile bachelor party plans that you would like to fulfill, but there's got to be something you could offer as a trade. Then when she gets this behind her, you get whatever you need behind you also. (Whatever all of that means. I agree, that's a very strange phrase, whatever is behind you is also part of you.)

Answer 2

I don't think human beings work the way your girlfriend thinks they do. If this is such an intimite part of herself, once won't be enough. It'll be a taste. I think you probably will need to assume she is bisexual and will have these instincts forever. Probably once won't be enough and she will get periodic needs to experiment with other girls, too. If you tell her no because its cheating, she will either be upset and feel denied of an important life experience or she will do it anyway without telling you. I bet you feel trapped by this. I have no real advice here (rare for me), except don't jump into marriage with this girl before you are completely satisfied that she has sorted out these issues and you can trust her to be the wife you want her to be. Good luck!

Answer 3

You, my friend, have a major problem. If she wanted to have a threesome with you in the mix, that alone is pretty bad. But a one on one with another girl? She just may not come back. Or she may always be considering taking the carpet ride rather than the pogo stick for the rest of her life.

If it were me I would bow out. It isn't worth the risk and investment. Imagine if she decided to go with the all girl team after you were married for a few years and had kids. Would you like dropping your kids off to mommy and uncle Betty? Didn't think so.
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Answer 4

WELL YOU SHOULD BE SCARED, WHAT IF SHE LIKES IT? AND HAT ABOUT HER FRIEND IT COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN AGAIN WITH OUT YOU KNOWING. I SAY NO IF SHE LOVES YOU SHE CAN LIVE THE REST OF HER LIFE HAPPEN WITH YOU AND NOT KNOWING. WHAT IF YOU WANTED TO DO SOMETHING FOR THE LAST TIME WOULD SHE BE WILLING TO LET YOU DO THAT? JUST TELL HER THAT IF SHE REALLY LOVES YOU THAT SHE WOULD PUT THIS BEHIND HER AND MOVE FORWARD WITH YOU. HOWEVER ACKNOWLEDGE HER HONESTY REMEMBER SHE COULD HAVE DONE IT WITH OUT TELLING YOU ANYTHING.

Answer 5

if this is such a "big part of her" then it's not going to go away, she's always going to want to be with women. so you need to decide if you can handle that for the rest of your life..... i'd say you should rethink the marriage for a while.