This is my poem that i wrote for a poetry comp. Could i get some feedback?
I can hear the guns firing right beside me,
Land mines go off making it harder to see.
A German soldier approached, aiming his gun,
At first I stood frozen then started to run.
Helping me get through this I think of my family,
And when I last felt my daughter hugging me.
As night falls all the lights go out,
Now I’m not sure who is lurking about.
Out jumps a soldier holding a knife,
He gave me a look of contempt and took my life.
Watching my daughter grow up is what I will miss,
I never said goodbye or gave my wife a kiss.
My time here on earth isn’t too long,
As I can hear the angels’ heavenly song.
I drew my last breath in the thin frosty air,
Then I drifted off to heaven without any care.
2007-02-20 12:45:28 · 3 answers · asked by xCupidsEnemyx 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
I like it. It's sad, and I think it is very descriptive and flows very well. Keep writing!
2007-02-20 12:49:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's really poor; utterly unartistic and unpoetic. Sorry.
2007-02-21 00:24:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's pretty good. Keep it up.
2007-02-20 20:55:10 · answer #3 · answered by blueruble 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋