I have a major dilema, and need serious help?

Question

I found out a week and a half ago that I am 8 weeks pregnant. When I got the news, my boyfriend was away on holidays, so I didn't want to tell him then. And when he got home we realized someone had broken into his home and stolen items. He was busy and stressed out all week, and I was no help being stressed over this pregnancy issue. So I held off on telling him, wasn't waiting for the right moment, just not a bad one. I told him on saturday, and we got into a huge fight, and he didn't know if he wanted to be with me anymore. I had already decided on an abortion because I am to young, and financially unstable. He agreed I could NOT keep it. Then today, he decided he wants to come with me to get the abortion, I said no. He though about it all day I guess, and wants to keep it. But I don't want him to be with me just because I am pregnant, seeing how he didn't know a few days ago. Our relationship is unstable, and so are our finances. Do I have the baby? Or not? Any advice is apreciated

I recently turned 19, he's 24, and we've been together for 3 1/2 years.

I WOULD NOT give it up for adoption. End of that.

Answer 1

I think you should sit down with him and weigh the pros and cons for your specific situation. Will you be able to deal with this 10 years down the road? You need to be prepared for the decisions you make. Whatever you decide, you need to make sure you are both comfortable with it. Sounds as though you two have been together for 3.5 years, and your relationship was stable before this. However, the bad timing of everything might have initially caused him to overreact - and the fight that night was probably a combination of things all put together, and then when you kept the information from him it probably made him feel worse. Now that he has had a change to digest some of the information, it sounds like he is wanting to do what he wanted all along.. he just wasnt able to verbalize it before due to all the stress.

Answer 2

Oh honey, do not get an abortion. U r responsible enough to know if u can be good parents or not, but abortion is not the way to go.
Have the baby, and put it up for adoption. A loving family will take the baby and give it a fantastic life. Please, i am begging, dont abort it.
I am currently 7 months pregnant and i tell ya, its the most amazing thing i have ever experienced. My baby moves inside of me and plays. He runs from the light of a flash light. He wiggles when my dog barks. They are alive! Just because u dont see them, doesnt mean they cant feel.
At 8 weeks, the heart is beating. Its a living thing. U need to really think about this. Abortion is the worst possible answer for your dilemma. U will regret it later in years. I am sure some women will tell u this.
Adoption is the best and easiest and safest way to go with this situation. U will be giving a gift, a true miracle to someone who is less fortunate than u. Give another couple the oppurtunity to give your baby a good life.
Choose life, not death please!
I am begging u.

Answer 3

I am not against abortion for the right reason but I would ask that you would seriously consider adoption for the baby. Your boyfriend obviously isn't mature enough to deal with the whole situation but you sound like you are. Look at it this way... lesson learned, he's not going to be very stable in times of distress or trouble...is this what you would want for your future? or for your child's future? Give the baby a chance, give a woman that can't have kids a chance to be a good mom to that accidental moment that has become a child.

Get the facts...on all your options. Abortion is hard and it is painful, in more than one way. This decision will live with you the rest of your life. Believe me, I've been there and I wish I'd had taken more time to decide than making a decision based on fears and pressure.

Answer 4

OMG - bless your heart. Lemme tell ya - I have an 8 year old son that I have raised by myself. And for background - I am totally pro-choice. I would not think any less of anyone who aborted a child because they weren't ready for it or couldn't raise it PROPERLY. And by that - I mean having the money. Now let me say this:
I love my son with all my heart. I had all my life wanted children. I got pregnant, however, by accident, and didn't want to marry the guy. For 9 months I listened to my family preaching about getting married. I stuck to my guns. I have never regretted for one minute that I did not marry the guy. Not ONE MINUTE. On the flip side... lordy-lord it is hard. You are the only parent, you are the only care-giver, you life changes 150% if not MORE. It is a SERIOUS financial drain - especially - as myself - you don't or won't have help from the dad. Now - playing devils advocate, you didn't catch your man at his best - I would say. And I'm sure it was a shock for him - just as yourself. Don't be too hard on him just yet. You're throwing away, what did you say up there, 3 1/2 years?? There has to be something there. You simply may have caught him off guard. The bad news - you don't have a lot of time to make a decision. Now - one more thing I believe with all my heart - DO NOT GET MARRIED just because you are pregnant. I can't think of a worse way to do either (have a baby & get pregnant) They are both LIFE CHANGING events and are best undertaken seperately. You have to search your heart with this one. You have to think about what you want out of the rest of life - because that kid CHANGES EVERYTHING. (If you're a good mom anyway -- think Britney Spears as a bad mom for reference.) You can't go out partying anymore, your spending totally switches from you to "it" and if you had college plans - it will make it much more difficult. Now with all that said - which is predominantly negative - I love my son more than I ever could have imagined. He is my life. But I had him at 34 and had a good deal of partying and etc out of me. I was done with college, had a job that I am presently in for now 15+ years. It was a choice I could "do". I think the best thing to say is this - What do you want for the next 18 years of your life? Are you ready to make a child priority #1 instead of yourself? And - my opinion - I would make these decisions for myself FIRST and then tell the dad. It is after all your body - and it will more than likely be your responsibility.
I hope any of this helps...

Answer 5

Sounds as though you caught him off guard with the news. That is to be expected.
I suggest you talk it over with him. He is not wanting to be with you because of the baby he is with you for you. 3 1/2 years. Face it, no one is truly ready for a baby. You are both old enough to take care of a baby, The average couple never has enough money, young and unstable is nothing new. But life is what you make of it. You both made this baby and you both need to take the responsibility.
There is nothing wrong with adoption. Many loving families out there would love to have a baby and that is always a safe best route to take, it also gives you a little time to decide if you are really wanting a child. It is not the babies fault you are having issues.

Answer 6

You are going to have to search your heart for this answer. You cant blame him for his reaction. Im sure he was just as freaked out about it as you. After the initial shock, he might have started to like the idea of a baby, after all. But the final choice is yours. Are you strong enough to live with yourself if you decide to terminate this pregnancy? I had an abortion. I remember how depressed i got. I also have 2 kids now. And i wouldnt trade them for anything in the world. I also have a male friend who threatened and pleaded with the girl he got pregnant to have an abortion. She didnt. Now his daughter is 12 and she is the joy of his life, and he is so grateful that the woman didnt have that abortion. You say you are 19. Are you in school? Working? Live at home with parents or out on your own? Does he have his own place? A decent job? Lots of things you need to consider.

Answer 7

i feel that u should have the baby, if u were not financially stable then why were u having unprotected sex without protection knowing the possibility of u getting pregnant? by u having an abortion u will be running away from ur actions and responsibilities. u need to sit down and talk to him and ask him wher u all stand and work this out, no a baby wont make things better all the time but it is worth it, don't end a life because of ur actions.

Answer 8

This is a hard question. You need to do some serious soul searching. I think you need to focus more on if you are ready and willing to be a mom. Once you are sure of your feelings then you can concentrate on your shaky relationship. Remember, you do not necessarily need to be together to be good parents. As for your finances, help is out there. I'm not suggesting that it won't be difficult, but there are programs available to help women and children.

Also, have you considered adoption?
Have you spoke to family or have family willing to be supportive?

You might also consider talking with a counselor through a planned parenthood type of group. They might also be able to offer other forms of help available in your area. It's helpful to talk these things out with a compassionate individual. They might be able to help you sort out your feelings to make a choice you can be confident with.

Answer 9

do no longer tell him. His dad is stable and a few element has befell isn't life-threatening. "lack of expertise is bliss" and "What the innovations would not recognize the midsection won't be able to grieve over" spring to innovations staggering right here. actually as you have already been counseled via way of considerable different and young toddlers your boyfriend won't be able to hold out a little element to help and he has that examination day after today it incredibly is substantial for his artwork. it form of feels like his dad basically calls for his pacemaker adjusting which will ensue with them each and every now and then till ultimately a human beings physique gets used to it. whilst your bf gets abode he can be counseled then that his dad had a humorous turn and if his dad keeps to be in wellness midsection he can bypass to look him. there is the probability that your bf would be disappointed that no-one counseled him approximately his dad besides the undeniable fact that with a view to easily be the marvel conversing. whilst he realises his dad is high quality he will, finally, be grateful he was enable on my own to take a seat the examination. do no longer concern approximately it coz it is going to all be stable adequate in time. for sure if his dad was in a undesirable way then he might have been expert besides the undeniable fact that that's no longer the case so basically seem forward to him to return abode and tell him then. wish he does stable in his examination, properly needs to his dad for a rapid restoration and don't you bypass making your self unwell aggravating approximately despite with a view to be all finished and dusted in some days stable adequate. xx

Answer 10

It's best to have the baby. There's always adoption. Even now that baby has ten fingers, and ten toes. It's starting to look like a human being. In about a month, it will. Do you really want to be responsible for the death of one so precious, so helpless, and so completely innocent?