MY family is racist and i am not!?

Question

All of my life I have been raised to not like people of other races...I never really stuck to it, but when my friend Kelsie entered my life it's like I realize how wrong it is and how I really do enjoy people of other races. I told my parents that I wanted to hang out with some of my friends who are of another race and they completely flipped and called them racist names and i was crying because I can't stand being up against my whole family when I know something they are doing is wrong. They banned me from being around them. They said that they are the "kind of people who will get me into trouble" and that "they are protecting me" but they arent protecting me because my parents always have to be right. I told them I am uncomfortable with them talking and treating people of other races that way and they just went ballistic and told me to do as they say. I am feeling the need to rebel against them for whats right and wrong, I know in my heart they are wrong. But its so difficult! idk?

MY parents know who these friends are, and they even have admitted to liking them...they just said that they don't like their race because that specific race brings on a lot of drama. And i think its BS that i should have to listen to them when I know and I am a good person but I am to obedient and respectful to betray them! MY parents have always been there for me and its like now i am not allowed to be with some of my best friends because they hang out with that race!its sooo stupid! they will even make stuff up that i have done or they have done just so i feel stupid for being around that race. i dont no what to do! i know that i cant listen to them and i refuse to

Answer 1

Good for you. Stand up for what is RIGHT. It is always difficult to admit the faults of our families. You can still love them as they are but you are lucky because you have an opportunity to also EDUCATE them.

Answer 2

Here's something to do, or to start with. Start with the ethnic group that your friend belongs to, whatever it is. Write down a bunch of stereotypes that are associated with this group, include ones your parents use and ones they dont use (so it wont seem like you are targeting them). Then find out the history of these stereotypes and the truth behind them. For example on this you can look at my questions archive, I have done some stereotype busting for Native Americans.

Okay so once you have this information you can do a kinda workshop with your parents, be sure to invite some in your family that aren't racist so you'll have someone on your side :) You can educate them about the stereotypes. Now, they won't change their minds right away because no one likes to be confronted but you might notice them start changining their attitude. Or they'll start coming up with other stereotypes (well maybe what you said is true but what about this...). If they won't do a workshop. Then write one a day and post it in on the fridge or the tableYou can include testimonials as well. Stories from people who experienced racism and how it hurt them.

You will find the more educated people are the more open they are. That is just a start but it should give you some room.

Know that you are right. Let your parents know that you respect them as parents and will abide by their rules. At the same time you will not respect racism and will continue to have friends of other races, as long as they are a good influence :) (the last part is for your parent's benefit, just add it in to make them feel better).

It is a hard struggle but keep it up! Fighting racism is a fight well worth while!

P.S. It is somewhat true that you can't make people change. But you can educate people. And with education they will change, I know this from experience. Don't believe that you can't do anything about it because you can. It is just a difficult struggle. And don't expect immediate or wholistic changes, just small steps. And remember even if it doesn't work, you are spreading cultural truth instead of ignorance and that is making the world a better place one by one.

Answer 3

First of all, you mUST understand that you parents feeling the way they do is also because that was how THEY were raised, and what they are doing, even though it doesn't seem right or politically correct, is just a fact of life. Your parents will want you to do as they say as their child, and until you are old enough to make the decisions yourself, you have to abide by them. I AM NOT SAYING THAT WHAT THEY ARE DOING IS RIGHT but parents have full responsibility over their children, and that is just how it is. In their mind they are indeed protecting you, and they will continue to do so until they no longer have the right, on your 18th birthday. I would not recommend rebelling against them, because that puts you in the bad guy shoes and will make it worse. If it is TRULY something that you cannot deal with any longer, then I suggest speaking with a school counselor or another adult peer, but if you make that choice, just remember that once you go on recond with a complaint such as this, especially against your parents, you cannot take it back. I guess you should just ask yourself if it is worth it or something that will pass?

Answer 4

Depends on how old you are. If you're not allowed to live by yourself, then don't be a hardcore when you're rebelling. It could make your life in their hose a living hell. But if you're 17 or older it might be a good idea. Tell your parents not to judge people by the color of their skin but by what's inside. For example, (not meant to hurt anyone's feelings) certain people think that hanging around with a black person could get you into more trouble than hanging out with a white person. Which isn't nessacirly true. You need not to think that all blacks are bad or all whites are good (again, just an example) but judge a person by who he or she is as an indiviual. Good luck with your parents. I wouldn't know what to do if I were in your shoes.

Answer 5

How old are you? If you still have a few years left to live at home, then rebelling might not be such a good idea, because you don't want to make your home life more miserable. Just feel sorry for your parents for being so closed minded and ignorant. People miss out on a lot by not wanting be around people that are just like them.

Answer 6

I commend you on your beliefs. Don't rebel. You still have to respect your parents, but that doesn't mean you have to agree with them. Hopefully you will be out on your own soon and they won't be able to dictate who you should spend your time with. Just be patient. There is a whole world waiting for you and people to meet. If it were me, I would still hang with my buddies, but not be so vocal about it. That keeps the everyone happy.

Answer 7

Well in my eyes you've already accomplished plenty. To have a completely racist family and not turn out racist is a great step towards equality. Trust me, theres little to no way to change someones mind about things like that once theyre grown, however just stay strong and try to make things as easy as possible for you until you are able to move. For now though you might just have to cope...

Answer 8

Sadly you probably can not change your family...but CONGRATS! on being the one to change. You are then the first generation of your line to end that behavior and hopefully keep it out of your decedents, good job! : )

If you can, maybe spend time with those particular friends at the home of a mutual friend your family approves of...and just don't say who all was there...

Answer 9

Fighting never solved anything. Don't rebel. Just try to explain this to your family, slowly. It doesn't sound like their really racist, just steriotyping (can't spell, sorry) people of that race.

Answer 10

I agree with abissynia.
Educate them, educate them, slowly but surely and wihtout yellin. Keep on pushin, givin ur arguments. They shud finally open their eyes.
God Bless and Good luck !