I'v began to start writing again heres the first. tell me what you think ok?

Question

Take into concideration i only write about death and suicide. I think it needs som tweaking but i havent writen in over a year.

more then a memory

As I'm fading
faintly breathing face down in a pool of my own blood
Crying what tears i have left to shed,
Wishing there was a better way,
My last moments of life,
painful and cold, quiet and lonely
Unable to move and struggling to breath i know it wont be much longer
dieing with a smile on my face, knowing i left this world more then just a memory.
But a name and a face, with a painful remembrance of what i could have been.

Answer 1

Personally, I like it. I write things like this and it has a very nice flow to it. I might suggest that you put a few more breaks in the sentences such as:

As I'm fading
Faintly breathing face down
In a pool of my own blood
Crying what tears i have left to shed,
Wishing there was a better way,
My last moments of life,
Painful and cold, quiet and lonely
Unable to move and struggling to breathe
I know it wont be much longer
Dieing with a smile on my face
Knowing I left this world more then just a memory
But a name and a face
With a painful remembrance
Of what i could have been

Answer 2

Um, yes and no. In all these movies and such, people always seem to go "Americans think they own everything." Like in Finding Nemo. (Such a cute movie.) I mean, that accusation has to have some ground. It's meant to be funny but people have a point when they say that. Americans (and I'm American, talking about fellow Americans) are, in general, pretty stuck up and somewhat ignorant about other cultures. I don't know how. But from my experience, they really are. I mean, English is like the fourth most widely spoken language in the world. And we have things like fast food chains and Walmarts stationed around the world. It gives the feeling that we're superior, when we're really not. And another example: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. The reason they changed it to "Sorcerer's Stone" is because the original target audience was children, who wouldn't know what a Philosopher was. It needed to sell, so they changed it. Still, they should have kept it the same. Why should Americans need a dumbed down version of a children's book? (The first HP *is* pretty much a children's book.) The reason why people *shouldn't* be taking stabs at America and Americans is because it's generalizing and assuming we're all the same when we're really not. The reason why people should is because they're kind of right. @P'quaint: Me. Too. I have to correct people all. the. time. And on that note, I was watching a Bollywood film last week and there was this guy who was Indian but he was raised in America. And when he came to visit family in India, anything wrong he might have done or mistakes he made was all taken the wrong way and everyone blamed him because he's American and thought he was arrogant. Seriously. There's something about America and arrogance. Ms. Fox used to say this all the time, remember? She used to tell us that the world used to love us, way back long ago, and now they don't. Because of our arrogance. And, as P'quaint rightly pointed out, ignorance.

Answer 3

Ok, it's really good. Like, it flows very nicely. I just want to make a suggestion though. You're a really good poet, maybe you should try expanding on the things you write about. Just a thought.

Answer 4

You need a little help with spelling / verb tenses. You have written 'I'v began' ... it should be "I've begun". Also --- in the poem it's 'dying'....not 'dieing'.

Answer 5

WOW i like it a lot but some people are unappreciative of BEAUTIFUL work

Answer 6

wow.that was deep.

I think of my own pome at times. when life get me down, & showing your feeling helps.

and people will like you for it.

Answer 7

i really like it!!
i've been writing some fiction stories too and most of them have death in it!!

Answer 8

wow your poem is really super