Need advice?

Question

Here's my situation- been married for 7 years, we are both in our 30's, financially stable, solid marriage, no kids. He says he is ready for kids, but is not pushing me. He's ready whenever I am. I feel like my clock is ticking and kids are the "next step", but I'm scared! I worry about everything there is to worry about (will I be a good mom, will the kid be healthy, will it effect my marriage, etc.) Am I overthinking this and talking myself out of it? Should I NOT have a kid unless I'm 100% certain I want one? Has/is anyone else in this situation? What did you do?

I would appreciate responses only from people that have been or are in my situation, NOT people who accidentally got pregnant or were absolutely certain they wanted kids. Please be as thorough as you can in your response.

Answer 1

I had that problem. I think that you are afraid to grow up and ruin things that you have worked towards --like ur happy marriage and career. Having kids is often thought to be the final step. But everyone learns to be a parent with experience as they go along with it. In my opinion, there is not set "time" that you are ready or know that you should have a kid. If you are of age and know that you can support the kid, then have a kid. You will be able to raise him/her better while you are still youthful. Don't think about it as ruining your perfect world, it is just another happy challenge and addition in your marriage. It is highly unlikely that you will have severe problems in your marriage due to this because after all..your husband wants kids, and I am sure he will help you be the best mom you can be. Good luck!

Answer 2

We too were excited about having a child and were trying to but then when it happened we freaked out. We were NOT married at the time and he was 22 and I was 24, so we were young. I immediately got scared of the financial matters of it and who would help me care for the child.

Well, now we just had our second and I wish I was in your position before we had our children. The worrying about money and the longing for the fun we could have had in our youth. I have no one to help me, I do all on my own and it is damn hard! Really hard. BUT we thought, it's better to get it out of the way and if we wait and wait for the right time it may never come or all of a sudden we realize one of us is unable to conceive then we have to go through some kind of treatment and that could take years.

Also now when we are in our forties, we will be more financially stable and we will have older children and we can make up for the fun we missed now, going on vacations, going to cocktail parties, going to dinners with other couples.

There is a lot of look into before having a child, of course this is the responsible thing to do BUT the most important is that you both are genuinely good people, you love each other very much and have enough money to get you by and little more in case of an emergency. It would have been great if we were rich but we have enough to feed and clothe our children and soon enough I will be in a career bringing in money too and everything will owrk out.

Basically, don't wait too long because that perfect time will never come and you might miss it. Or you wait til you're 38 and have one and think wow this is great I wish we had done it sooner so we can have 2 or 3 more!

My view is sooner is better than later (all within reason of course).

Answer 3

I was in your situation and we found out that planning to have a kid is near impossible. It's the kind of thing where if you try to get pregnant and do, then you adapt from there. It will put more stress on your marriage but it will also bring the two of you more joy than I can describe. You are right, your clock IS ticking and something to think about is do you want to be 60 years old when your child is graduating from high school?

My husband really really wanted to have a baby and I wasn't sure but it wasn't like I DIDN'T want one. We tried and tried for a long long time and I finally got pregnant. We figured things out financially and things have never been better with us. Good luck with everything and I hope my answer helped you!!

Answer 4

Yes, you are over thinking it. Do you like kids? If not then I wouldn't jump into becoming a mom, once they are here you don't get a choice. For me being a mom is one of the greatest things that has happened in my life. It has been interesting and no one day is ever the same, and there will be challenges, but it is a part of you and your husband that can make you grow even closer than you were before. The younger you are the healthier your children will be and the more patients you will have as a parent, but in the 2000's people are waiting to have children, until they are more established in a career and have had more time to focus on each other, there's no harm in that. Do what you feel in your heart.

Answer 5

I think we all have doubts about our capability as parents. I have 3 children and was worried about them all. But, hey, I love them all equally and would do anything for them.
I also think we all try to do the right thing and make our decisions based on that at the time. However we all make mistakes too. Just need to do the best we can and move onward and learn from it.
I don't think there is ever a right time to decide to have children. There are so many other things we could choose instead. But when they come along we nearly all fall deeply in love with them.

Answer 6

I am a husband. Each time my wife got pregnant I also was a bit scared for the same reasons, thinking about the difficulties. But you can always work through them. Please do have children, I always say they are the best and worst things there are.

You will be giving up on one of life's best rewards and the roller coaster of your life won't be nearly as high if you didn't have kids. You two seem much more qualified than probably 75% of others, so go for it!
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Answer 7

I felt exactly the same way you did. It is normal to have doubts and fears of something that is gonna change our lives forever. After all we take on a huge responsibility by choosing to become parents. I can tell you this, by you having all of these concerns, already shows you take the decision on having children seriously. This is a good indication that you will be a good mom. I was and it was great! Best of luck to you!

Answer 8

well, kids aren't for everyone, and if you don't feel ready, then don't try to have one yet... just give it time, you'll know when it's right if it's ever right. I know people who don't have kids that have been married for over 30 years... it's just something you have decide... women even have children when they are in their 40's, don't rush things...

Answer 9

from experience,kids don't come with instructions....having a baby in my 30s was hard on my body.it took almost 2 years for us to get pregnant after i stopped taking the pill.the 2 of you will be great parents..so a man thinks,,so it will be,good luck and GO FOR IT!

Answer 10

You already sound like you'll be a good mother. The question is, can you overcome your fear? I suggest exposing yourself to children/babies as much as possible. You need to let the love grow in your heart. Then you'll be ready.