How do I stop my step son's bad behavior?

Question

My step son has moved with us last March 06. His mother could not control him so she sent him to us. He first lived with us for 7 months then he told his mom that he wanted to move back because I (step mom) was too mean. She had him for a month and 3 days then she sent him back. He is failing school, steals all the time, his only interest is sex and girls. His father and I have tried to tell him that he is not going to end up with a good life with the things that he chooses to do. He has failed the fifth grade while he lived with his mother. He is now on the verge of failing the seventh grade. He should be in the 8th grade working on going to high school. I am having a hard time dealing with him. He can not be trusted at all. I really don't want him to live with us anymore but I am trying to not give up on him. I love his dad very much and I don't want this to come in between us. We can't afford to send him to a boys' home. Some advise please.

Just so everyone knows that I also have 2 teenage boys along with my step son. They do not act like my step son. My step son was troubled when I met my husband. Nothing to do with me.

To Pricilla L: My husband and I don't make out in front of our children. They rarely see us kiss.

To BarB: I do not need parenting classes. I have 2 teenage boys of my own who do not act like my step son.

Answer 1

I'm sorry you're in this situation. I would suggest that you contact either a family counselor or a behavioral psychologist and ask their opinion. While "answers" is great for general advice, this is a special situation that needs outside help. You can contact your family doctor to request a referral.

Good luck to you, you're doing the right thing.

Answer 2

First off, just because YOUR son's don't act like your step son doesn't mean you don't need parenting classes...obviously you DO if you don't know how to handle the situation. Secondly "My step son was troubled when I met my husband" Then WHY wasn't his father working on fixing the problem before you got married, there really isn't ANYTHING you CAN do since he is NOT of YOUR blood. The disciplining of this boy is between his mother and his father and obviously his mother has giving up and obviously she too is in need of parenting classes. Both parents need to work together to come up with a solution to the problem. You really have no right to say that you don't want him to live with you any longer since he was a problem BEFORE you got married yet you made the CHOICE to marry his father anyway. If dealing with this kid was going to be a major problem for you, you shouldn't have married his father in the first place.

Answer 3

Sounds like my nephew, except he wasn't dealing with sex and girls at 12-13.

This little guy sound like he's led a pretty messed up life (just like my nephew), and no wonder he's the way he is (I'm thinking he's been sexually abused somewhere along the way, maybe, besides everything else, which would explain the sex and girls angle). Constantly punishing him for being punished already (by life) probably isn't going to be effective and sending him away will only confirm his view of himself as not worth anything. Nephew's family tried absolutely everything, too, with the same results (including homes and shelters, until no one would have him). Eventually he grew up and straightened up (somewhat).

Both the age and the disposition make telling him about the distant consequences of his actions useless. He needs hard rules, no exceptions, and no playing your home against his mom's. And lots of assurance that he is loved and appreciated, just not his behavior. Punishment is one thing, but there must be room for rewards, too.

All you can do is the best you can do and pray that he doesn't hurt himself or anyone else by his behavior. And try to remember that he isn't just being evil and ornery, he's dealing with the world as he sees it the only way he knows how. I know, easy for me to say. Prayers and best wishes for all of you.

Answer 4

Maybe try talking with him and be positive. Tell him you can understand what he is going through. He'll probably tell you that you don't understand but you may need to try. He is obvoiusly going through what my son did. I found by reading some positive books I was able to change my attitude and talk with my son. He felt that because his dad didn't want to see him he needed to replace that love and respect by sex and drugs. We now have a fantastic relationship all the other stuff is in the past. It's not easy but you may need to keep trying. Yelling at them doesn't work but small positive words do. When he does talk don't speak just listen.

Answer 5

that's stated as the extinction curve-- adverse habit escalates following the intro of a clean contingency plan. It slowly decreases to below baseline interior weeks-- yet... provided that the outcomes are utilized constantly, on the instant and at a weight that fits the offending habit. you are able to no longer even though, instruct new habit with purely this strategies-set. analyze and journey advise you ought to sort and strengthen needed habit because it happens and with the comparable consistency and immediacey through fact the adverse reinforcement. finally, this sort works nicely with maximum, yet pay attention, i've got seen it do great injury with young ones who've an attachment ailment, eating ailment and different greater emotional situations. it relatively is a uncomplicated cookie cutter technique that works in maximum, yet no longer all situations.

Answer 6

First of all, don't give up, because if you say you give up or if he knows that everyone is sick of him, that he won't feel loved, one of the things that teenagers need the most is love and support. Plus it probably isn't easy for him with his parents divorce. You need to have him know that stealing is wrong and the tree of you ( dad, mom and you) need to tell hyim that you are there for him. about the sex thing, I can't help you with that, because all teenage boys are interested in sex.You need to help him with school and maybe watch him just for a few weeks and then give him freedom little by little because teenagers feel traped when their parents don't let them do anything and it just makes them disobey more, believe me, I'm a teenger I knw how it feels. good luck!

Answer 7

im 15, and im interested in girls, sex, etc, but i still do all my homework, i do football,sports, and im very respectful to my parents. ur step son has problems, u should send him to those schools were u sleep in there, etc. and i think its not just puberty, its also that he doesnt have his mom and his dad together, he should go to a therapist. im really sorry, i know im not an A straigth student, and that i just have beauty on my side, and maybe my parents are sometimes annoying, but im always respectful to them. u should talk to him.

Answer 8

You just have to put your foot down> He needs a lot of rules it sounds like. You set rules and don't back down, whatever you do! If you let him get away with things once, he'll keep getting worse!I don't care WHAT people say, children want and expect boundries!It'll take a lot of patience and work, but you'll be surprised and pleased how well it'll work. Like i said just stick to your guns and don't back down!

Answer 9

hey tell ur step son that if he gets his act staight that u will be nicer to him. maybe like this u guys may some closer. and all this girl stuff and sex if he sees u and his dad like making out try not 2 maybe thast y hes into that.

Answer 10

You beat his but and tell him u mean business.If that does not work u ask if a police officer can speak to him and tell him where bad and dangerous people go.