I am really not okay with my boyfriend going to strip clubs, but I'm trying to be okay with it.I'm not afraid that he is going to go and cheat on me-but I really have a problem with the objectification of women there.I have been objectified all of my life, and I hate that my boyfriend would go there and support that.True, these women are not being forced into it, and I believe that it is possible for them to be perfectly healthy & confident(although unfortunately this isn't the majority of cases).I can't help but feel that by him going he is disrespecting MY sexuality as well. Maybe it is jealousy, but it doesn't feel like it-I feel so hurt when he goes.His attitude is that he's not the 'type' to be right up at the stage, and he only goes once in a while, so I should just 'get over it'.I just don't get why he needs to go-if he's not all that interested in the women, as he claims, then why not just go to a bar, or come home to me?Would it help if I go with him once to understand it?
2007-02-20 08:43:36 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I just asked a similar question a few days ago and from the awesome answers I got, I realized that number 1 - it's okay for him to go to strip clubs if I go with him to check it out. number 2- i provide enough entertainment for him that he doesn't even have the urge to go out to one.
he most likely will not cheat on you and wants you to understand him. so ask him to come along. he should not have a problem with it. if he does have a problem with it, then you shuld be concenered. as long as he doesn't choose going to strip clubs over spending time with you. if you really love him that's the best you can do... be understanding and hope he understands your feelings too. at least if you go, yuou will be more comfortable about it.
i also agree that strip clubs portray women in a negative light, but what can you do? just have a talk with your bf about how you feel about it & say you're willing to try and understand as long as he tries to underestand you as well.
good luck & check out my similar question for extra feedback =)
2007-02-20 08:51:56 · answer #1 · answered by peaches87 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't be okay with that and I wouldn't even try. For myself, it would feel like cheating and truly I wouldn't want him then. If he wants to look at other women, he will. Would he be okay with you going to a male strip club? With you tucking money in the guys' g'string and him rubbing up against you? I bet he doesn't go for it and give him the same lame excuses he is giving you.
As far as the objectification of women, that is hard to live with as well.
Truly, you do not have to make yourself okay with the idea of him going to strip clubs, why can't he just stop going and look at the person right in front of him. Why do YOU have to make the change, this is a biggie and truly should be a deal breaker. He can come up with all the excuses why it is okay, but truly the majority of society and therapists agree that it is detrimental to a solid relationship. Good luck, I think you'll find that there are ALOT of women who wish they would have stood strong and not accepted this behavior before they married the man.
2007-02-20 08:58:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I think if you're not okay with it, you're not going to get over it. I'm not okay with being talked down to, and there is no way that I will ever get over that because it is something I believe strongly in.
It might be more of a fantasy thing for him. He might not be actually interested in the women or even participate, but it could be a social activity or outing with the boys.
As for "getting over it", you can either tell him that it upsets you because you don't like the way that the women there are portrayed and you don't like him supporting it. With your history of being objectified, it upsets you when he goes to these places and treats these women like objects. You also have the option of leaving him, or don't have him tell you when he goes. Some guys won't change so you need to figure out if you want to accept it, tolerate it, or leave it.
Good Luck!
2007-02-20 09:02:45 · answer #3 · answered by Sarah 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would say go with him and have a look for your self. There are some really nice clubs out there. I go with my husband and his mates, I've even had a dance on one occasion. The guys can only look but not touch.
One of my friends is a stripper. While the money is good she does it for the confidence boost it gives her when she is on stage.
If after going with your boyfriend if you still don't feel comfortable, sit him down and tell him how you really feel. If he can't understand where you are coming from...go to a male strip club with the girls. It's amazing how things change when the shoe get put on the other foot.
2007-02-20 08:56:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all by going to strip clubs he is watching women in an inappropriate manner. He is also taking away what rightfully belongs to you, his fantasies etc. It is not OK for him to go to strip clubs because that sets a big precedent. Especially while dating. Anytime a man is courting a woman he tries to be on his best behavior. If his best behavior, used to impress you while dating is going to a strip club then there are likely other underlying issues. I would discuss this with him. Because men's minds are made up of fantisization, rather we like it or not.
2007-02-20 09:08:08 · answer #5 · answered by David J 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
there is nothing wrong with him goin going to SC as long as it's once in a while not often and the other big thing he is not spending a great deal of money anthing to me more than $50 including drinks is out of the question and as far as u also going u should go i bet he will get a kick of having another woman give u a lap dance that will not might will turn him on if he objects to u going then u have something to worry about on yea i dont mean 4 u to go every time he goes but once in awhile
2007-02-20 08:56:29 · answer #6 · answered by GRUNT 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I wouldn't want my husband going to strip clubs. You have very valid reasons for not liking it. You've told him you don't like it and he still goes. So, go with him when he goes, or convince him to stay home for his own personal strip show with you.
2007-02-20 08:52:27 · answer #7 · answered by ldgbt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I KNOW! IT'S NOT OK! WHAT'S WRONG WITH OUR SOCIETY!This is the type of crap people condone in their relation ships what should that tell u ?Seriously it's not right maybe im old fashioed but if he like loves adores YOU.?!tHEN it's jus u i've never cheated and i've never done any of thatnasty stuff like that.He does'nt respect u in my opinion if he want to go to stripp clubs.i know i have a 3 family members who used to be former strippers.
2007-02-20 08:52:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why don't you publically admire the next male you come across with a sexy body. Really make a show of it so your boyfriend can see. If he gets jealous, it's the reaction you want and there's your answer. I am in agreement with you. If your bf is into that sort of thing, he always has your body to admire.
2007-02-20 08:51:38 · answer #9 · answered by MaggieSA 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Some will say that you should let him do it. But I never give in to that theory. Yes! You can worry about him going behind your back. Ask him to go with you, to a male-Strip Club! Then! He'll understand. (But you won't have to actually go. he'll back out.)
2007-02-20 08:50:02 · answer #10 · answered by Goggles 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋