Help!! What is wrong with my relationship?

Question

I would really like some sincere advice:
My b/f and I have been together for a year now and have been living together for the last 3 months. We fell in love faster than I ever have before; he is 15 years older than me which has never become a problem. We are on the same mental level, everyone says I am very mature for my age (I’m 28) The parts where we are different are; One: I am very inquisitive, I like to ask a lot of questions about everything, he is not at all. Two: I am very loving, affectionate and I like to give attention & of course to receive it as well, he isn’t that way often, he has to be in the right mood. Three: We love differently, I know he loves me as I truly love him but sometimes I get my feelings hurt because he doesn’t love me the way I “think” he should. Again, I know he loves me but he loves differently than I love. I am the type of person, I guess some would call me clingy but say for example if he was going to work one day and I was not, I would call

him when I first wake up (because he is on my mind) He doesn’t, he gets up, using the bathroom, fix something to eat, watch a little TV. then calls me. Nothing is wrong with that I know but I guess I wish he would love me as I love him. I know that’s not possible because we are two different people but it bothers me and I don’t know what to do. Another example, when were at home, I like to cuddle with him while on the couch, I think I make the first move all the time. If I am sitting down already he won’t sit right next to me as I would him. Or kissing, I am always initiating a kiss (I like to kiss, even just a pop kiss) I trust him; it’s not a case of “is he cheating on me?” It’s just I would like to stop being so needy and so available, I think maybe he has taken me for granted but I love being with him, any chance I get and I miss him when I am not with him. How can I still show I love him but not that I have to have him to survive.

Or what suggestions do you have for me to show him how I would like to be treated. Thanks for reading this.

Answer 1

Listen to sierraskyesmom. She's got it perfect.

Answer 2

I'm not sure that I would say anything is "wrong" with your relationship, but clearly there are some issues that need to be addressed.

Not long ago I was in a similar type of situation. I was more like you and my girlfriend was more like your boyfriend. I don't think this is what ended our relationship, but it didn't help.

Anyway two things are key here: The first is that each of you needs to understand how the other feels and respect that since neither of you is likely to change. You need to tell him what you feel and why and he needs to do the same for you.

The other thing is compromise. Sometimes you need to give him his space and accept his limitations and sometimes he's going to need to put his limitations aside and give you what your looking for even if he's not really looking for that at the given moment.

I will add this: DO NOT IGNORE THIS STUFF! It IS an IMPORTANT component of your relationship. I hope you can make it work. Good luck!

Answer 3

The older we get, the more "realistic" we become (and also a little "pragmatic") And though you think that 15 years are not that much of a difference, they are... He's already past that time in your life when all you think about is romance, he's now more interested in making a living (remember, he's over 40) Besides, men just express our feelings differently, it sounds a little like you're "infatuated" with this guy, or you're just too excited that you guys are living together. Just wait until all his "flaws" start to show (believe me, he has them, we all do) Then you'll start being more realistic too, and you'll not put him on a pedestal anymore.
I suggest you start showing him that you have other interests in your life besides him... being the object of workship of a woman can be flattering for a while, but then it's like a burden, like: "Gosh, she expects too much from me..." It's a guy thing. Just don't pay that much attention to him, maybe he'll start wondering why... and he'll start paying more attention to *you*.

Answer 4

I doubt I can be of any help at all but here goes nothing. First, you made a mistake by moving in with him but you won't realize what I'm getting at until you open your mind and mature a little more. Second, it seems you failed to get to know him better before committing to a relationship with him. Nothing new there. Millions of men and women have been there before and the divorce statistics substantiate the utter failure of their lack of communication upfront. Third. And if you thought what I've already said was tough enough bucklet down. Walk away.

I'll cover this plainly. It's simple supply and demand but it's a little more complicated. The more available you are for him less valuable your goods. The less available you are for him the more valuable your goods. Are we clear yet?

Now, supply and demand in relationships can be a little more complicated than it is in the marketplace. Take me for example. If a woman wants to walk I let her walk. I understand that there are several billion of them so I'm not going to get too tied up on one if she wants to walk.

Women from my past learned this the hard way and some are still learning it. Some guys want what they can't have. A few like me, could care less.

Answer 5

He fell in love with you because of the way you are. Your personality is not going to change and niether is his. You can make adjustments though.

Get involved with something that doesn't involve him. Go to yoga classes, or take up classes learning another language. Go out with a girlfriend or family member three times a month.

Another thing, do double dates with him, go play darts, play pool, watch sports at a sports bar. Do some of the things outside of the house that he likes doing.

So between focusing on being a little independant of him so your not in his face so much , and getting him active with the things he likes to do, that should help.

Answer 6

You are to needy. You both need to depend on and spend time with one another but also have your own life. The main thing to remember is that men and women are different. You are probably not alone in the type of relationship you are talking about. Most women are more "luvey duvey" than their male counterparts you just seem to dwell on it. Just relax and enjoy him or he will get fed up with the ultra clinginess and it will begin to create problems for you.

Answer 7

My parents have been married since I was born. 18 years. My mom tells me he had never said "I love you" until I was 16 years old. They'd been together for like 23 years and he had never said it to her until then.

She stills gets upset because he's not very affectionate and is so oblivious to how she is feeling. But my dad very much loves my mom, he just doesn't know how to show it. And my mom very much loves my dad and she shows it.

I'd say don't let it bother you much. She tells me that's just how he is. His idea of doing something romantic this valentines this year was buying her a candybar. Which was funny 'cos I was there and he seemed pleased with himself for showing how much he cared for her by doing that. My parents are so strange.

Answer 8

I read it, and I have to say that you dont sound as mature as you might think you are, because if you were you'd know that men hate clingy. Men want you to have your own life. You need to back off. Men want to be the ones to conquer.....you give him no opportunity to pursue you! (Yes, even if you live together)

Back off.......dont say anything if he sits in the chair and youre on the couch. Dont call him at work or dont call him AS MUCH at work. Hold back on your affection. Let him come to you.

Try that for a month.........if it doesnt work out, then you need to reconsider (a) if your relationship can really work or (b) if you need to readjust your expectations.

Good luck.

Answer 9

My husband and I have been married 5 yrs. now and he is alot like your boyfriend as far as being affectionate and romantic. We just had to find a compromise. Nagging definitely doesnt work.. atleast with my hubby it didnt.. I just had to realize that he wasnt like me when it came to things like that.. Once I came to grips with the fact that he would never be as affectionate as I wanted him to be I was ok with it. I still wish he would be a bit more loving but I know that he loves and is with me for the long haul.

Answer 10

Well.. if he loves you in a way that you don't think is right, have you ever talked about it to him? Also, living with my husband has taught me many things about guys... they are fairly simple.. and not meaning they are stupid or that they can't be complex, i mean that when he says things, like "I love you", it MEANS "i love you." No hidden meanings behind things. If he loves you, that should mean he loves you, and you should be happy he cares about you. He is older, and he probably doesn't like playing games anymore, like when he was younger. He wants a woman that can love him and not have to analyze everything in the relationship. So love him, relax and HAVE FUN! Thats what love is, having fun and enjoying the one your with..

Answer 11

My situation is very much like yours - my husband and I love each other "differently". Speaking from experience and 20 years of happy marriage my single word of advice if you want to continue this relationship is - ACCEPT. If you know he loves you, accept him for what and how he is. You can not change him to be more like you. Ask yourself, would you REALLY want him to change? Overall, I don't think you would. You fell in love with his guy for a reason. Respect and accept him for who he is.