How do I help my friend who lost her brother comin up on a year?

Question

I grew up with my best friend and her brother. My friend and I grew apart and we stopped talking I found out about a year later that her brother who was only 19 years old supposedly committed suicide (that’s another long story) Coming in March will be the first anniversary of his death. I don't how to what I should or could do to help her cope with this and I have been there for her and she knows I’m here to talk to her if need be. Is there anything else I can do for her and the family which I am very close to as well? My friend smokes that sticky icky all day long and I guess that’s her therapy idk. Please help me help her and the family. This loss was not only her theirs, but it was also mine and I haven't even been able to deal with this that well either. :( thank you and god bless

Thank you so much for the support I don't know who to choose for a best answer. All of the responses so far has been great. Thank you all so much.

Answer 1

Well sweetie it seems like in your cases it seems that all you can do is pray for her, prayer is the best answer, it's all in God's hands. People do lots of things when they're mourning they act out in different ways. The best way to be there for her, is to just offer support and let her grieve in her own time. You don't have to even talk about him, just spend some time with her she'll see what you're trying to do. Parents sometimes like to talk about their children who have passed on. Just offer your condolences and spend time with them too. They're hurting more than anyone right now. Just pray babe, that's the best way. No one has to know, just pray that God be with them and give them the stregnth and will to live. God bless babe!

Answer 2

People do a lot of different things to remember their loved ones who have died. It seems to help to have something positive left in remembrance. Some of the things would be to donate money towards a charity that was special to the person, plant a tree in their memory, buy a brick or something in your local area in his name (parks, zoos and other places like that often have something like this available). If you are religious, have a service said in his name. Have a get-together with people who knew him and spend time together remembering funny stories and touching moments. You will laugh and cry but it will be good doing it with others.

What I would suggest doing first is go out and buy a nice card appropriate to the occasion. Just a blank one if you can't find anything that says what you like. Then write something in it like that you know the anniversary date is coming up (some people call it the "heaven date" or "angel date") and you are thinking about her. Then ask what you can do for her to help out. Suggest the get-together idea or ask if she wants to go out for dinner that day.

As far as her not sounding like she is handling it very well, it is very possible she is dealing with survivor's guilt. She feels she should have done something to save her brother. This is not true, of course, but VERY normal and also very destructive. She could use grief therapy to help her deal with her feelings of abandonment, anger and sadness. You could offer to help her find such a counselor and go with her if she needs that support.

You are a good friend for caring. So many don't want to acknowledge deaths because they are uncomfortable with it but we truly need to face it, talk about it and deal with it in order to stay emotionally healthy.

Good luck to both of you and I am very sorry for your loss. I lost a nephew at age 21 and my son at age 14 just months later. It really hurts and can take years to deal with those emotions.

Answer 3

No one is ever truly gone from us. We just can't see them.

Here's something that may help.

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there
I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle Autumn rain
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds
In circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there
I did not die
Author Unknown