I know this adult guy friend who likes spending time with this girl.
She doesn't like her real Dad and he's basically M.I.A. in her life.
Her Mom knows this guy and seems to trust him in her life.
Sometimes he will take her shopping, to a movie or just simple fun stuff a girl her age likes.
She enjoys spending time with him because he always spoils her.
Since it's a small town, I just don't want others to talk and think something wierd is going on with the two.
I would hate to see either one of them to get a bad reputation.
Some will think the worst since they know she is not her daughter.
Do you think there is anything to really be concerned with there?
2007-02-20 03:06:19 · 54 answers · asked by Kari 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
No. Period.
2007-02-20 03:08:24 · answer #1 · answered by Edward 2 · 2⤊ 4⤋
As long as this man can be trusted. it would be easier to answer the question if we knew the relationship the mother has with this guy. (if the mother does not know this guy well and for a long time, she should not let them be by themselves alone. I assume she has been friends with him for a long time:
In that case, I would not prohibit the friendship (some people are still in their right mind these days and see a child for who he/she is: a child. not a sex object, toy). I or one of my friends would come along when they are together. This friendship could benefit the daughter since she does not have a father figure apparently. even after re-assured that everything is cool, I would remain on my guards with him or anyone else for that matter.
“… Bad reputation for either one of them.” Do you mean the little girl could get bad reputation as well?
I can see what you are concerned about. Maybe if people in your town can see another person (such as the mom or yourself) come along with the two of them, they will accept the friendship easier and get less opportunities to gossip. It is also up to the mom to show them that she trusts (and not seem to trust. Sounds that you are not sure) this guy.
Anyway, I would not be so concerned with bad/good reputation but the girl's welfare. If all is genuine, the friendship is honest and real, people who have nasty comments will eventually calm down.
also, If I was the mom, no matter what, I would have already told my daughter that if one day, she feels any (ANY) man/woman is acting weird, touch her in peculiar ways and places, ask her to keep a secret or that it is their secret, she should immediately tell me. I would make sure that she has no fear in doing so and I emphasize its importance, no matter what, male friend or not…
2007-02-20 03:44:15 · answer #2 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't see a problem other than people talking. This is an issue that I'm sure the girl's Mom has thought about but apparently trusts him. There should be no reason not to trust him. He is acting as a father figure and every girl and boy needs a Dad. If there was anything beyond that it would become obvious in the way the girl treated the man (too affectionate or clingy or the opposite standoffish and scared). I don't think there is a problem here.
2007-02-20 05:24:36 · answer #3 · answered by snddupree 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am the mom of twin girls and that is a scary scary question. Hard to say what this mans, motives are, why would like the company of a twelve year old instead of someone closer to his own age? Is he socially adept? Can he get along with peers of his own age group? Did he lose a sister or a child himself for some reason and this is his way of bandaging his own wounds?
I would check into his entire personality mode and base my answer on this.... if he does not have many friends or is a loner maybe there is something up in this character and you do not want him in the child's life. Careful, she is only twelve and you need to educate your daughter on what adult males (any males) are up to and what to do in each situation. This is a very very delicate area and you do not want to mess this up, encourage your daughter to hang around with guys her own age.
P.S. When I was a kid and it was not such a big deal to date guys that were older...one of my friends dated a 28 year old when she was 13 and 14, and another dated a 25 year old at 13
(actually this one was a school mate) .... you can bet that neither one of these girls would date these particular guys once they became of an older age as there was something wrong with them,...they were socially inept.
2007-02-20 05:02:52 · answer #4 · answered by Kimberlee Ann 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being a parent myself, I would find this relationship inappropriate. If the mother is looking for a father figure for her child, she should contact Big Brothers, Big Sisters. These volunteers are screened with a criminal background check before being allowed to have contact with children. Still there's no guarantee that the person doesn't have bad intentions. I guess it's really up to the mom and how comfortable she is with the situation. I would hate hear that something horrible happened to this child because the mother was too trusting. Just my 2 cents worth.
2007-02-20 05:45:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That depends........Is he more like a mentor/father figure, or dose he seem to have more of an "interest" in her. With her being 12 young, innocent, and naive, she could be taken advantage of very easily, and would likely not realize it because she is being spoiled.
This issue really raises a red flag to me, I would want to know what his intents are, and if he has a hidden agenda. Does he have e an interest in the mother, or just the daughter?
I would tell your "friend" to be very careful, and her mother should look into the situation, and be aware of everything that is happening, and where her daughter is at all time.
2007-02-20 03:16:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Gosh, I am really over protective and I always say I'd rather error on the side of keeping my kids too close rather than not close enough.
Where is the mom when the man and the daughter are going out hopping and what not?
Is he in a committed relationship with the mother?
Check him out online!
A high % of child offenders are relatives or close friends
(don't you watch Opra?)
See what his interests are and just observe
-Mother of 2 girls
2007-02-20 03:20:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
do he have kids? does her mom let her daughter hang out with this guy?
if he is being a mentor, big brother, uncle, or something i mean thats 1 thing but honestly there are alot of pervs out there ..
do you talk to her? do they look as if their being affectionate?
my dad wasn't around when i was growing up was a challenge without a father figure. and it is true that women who dont have fathers around have harder relationships, are more prone to sexual abuse.. so just be careful i would ask her..
im in cali and know 3 teens who have kids by older men and they dont think theres nothing wrong with it. everyone is different but i honestly think a grown man should be with people his age.. unless your just the "mentor' big brother, u know.. if you see red flags, anything suspicous i would do more inspecting..
2007-02-20 03:56:20 · answer #8 · answered by deniseinoakland@sbcglobal.net 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong spending time with a child. If it was a woman you wouldn't even be questioning this. But I can understand your concern. If you are concerned then really analyze the amount of time they spend together and how they interact with each other. If you really think there is something going on, I'm sure you'll do the right thing. But I really don't think there is anything to be concerned about. I don't think spending time together should give them a bad reputation. But if it does don't pity them, pity your town for having no lives. That's just sad if they suspect them of having a sexual relationship if nothing abnormal is going on. The most important thing you said was she is happy. If she appeared not to want to go with him, then there would be cause for concern. But so far it doesn't sound like it.
2007-02-20 03:12:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
It's hard to tell. Could just be a heart warming case of taking her under his wing or of course it could be something less altruistic. In today's society it's easy to think the worst but it would be advisable to keep an eye on things and make sure your friend can talk to you if she needs to.
2007-02-20 03:23:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's kind of weird but it really depends on the nature of the relationship. If he's a close - and I mean very good friend- acquaintance of the mom, I guess that's okay as long as there's nothing physical or anything remotely close to intimacy between the girl and man. So if he's a very close friend of the mom and someone she trusts, then i guess that's okay but kind of weird... It's like me (a 19 year old) hanging out with one of my sister's friends... eeeek that's creepy.
2007-02-20 03:12:22 · answer #11 · answered by F1reflyfan 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋