Do you feel that your parents harmed you by divorcing?
2007-02-20 02:50:42 · 10 answers · asked by Common Sense 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't feel that the actual divorce itself harmed me, it was how my mother acted after the divorce. She just took off with the man she was cheating with and moved 900 miles away from where my brother and I were living with our dad. I feel like she treated us like we were a "package deal", if she wasn't going to be married to our dad, then she didn't want anything to do with her children either. I was so angry with her for such a long time and even now, at age 27, I still really don't get along with her. I feel like if she wanted a divorce, then fine, but she still needed to be our mother. The absence of that one parent harmed me more than the actual divorce itself ever did. If she would have stuck around and been a mother to us and took an active, positive role in our lives, then I don't think them being divorced would have even mattered. They were miserable together anyway, so it would have been better to have 2 happy, loving parents that didn't live together, then to have 2 fighting, unhappy parents just for the sake of them being under one roof. Parents just need to realize that just because your marriage ends, your job as a parent doesn't. You still need to be the best parent that you can be to your children, even if you can't be stand to be married to their father/mother. I think this is the case most of the time in divorce situations, the children aren't harmed by the divorce itself, they just feel abandoned by the parent that left. That was the case in my situation for sure.
2007-02-20 03:27:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think my parents harmed me by divorcing. I think they harmed me by not getting along afterwards. My dad let my stepmom come in between my mother and me at an early age. Therefore I never knew my mom till I was 18 and out of my dad's house. Divorce isn't the bad thing...it is how adults handle the after affects. I mean think about it...would you rather children live in a house that is constantly fighting or in two houses with happy and healthy parents?
2007-02-20 10:55:31 · answer #2 · answered by Valerie D 1 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is not the part that hurts a child. I'm speaking from experience. My parents divorced when i was 4 and I saw my father twice after that. My mother remarried twice and divorced twice after my father. I'm glad my parents got a divorce. my dad cheated. But what hurt me the most was an unstable childhood and the lack of respect my parents showed my feelings. My father never beening a part of my life made me my worth. My mothers disregard to my feelings by marrying and divorcing two men after only 6 months of marriage each.....made me weery of men. It has also made it harder for me in my own marriage. Divorce is not the culprit, it's the divorcees that make it hard for the children.
2007-02-20 11:17:48 · answer #3 · answered by nowheretoturn 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
For a very long time i felt like they cheated me out of a normal life .. of having one complete family.. i felt abandoned by my mother..(shes the one that left) , and i suffer long term affects from the divorce i have abandoning issues and insecurities..
But, if i could go back in time i wouldnt change things.. because as luck would have it my father married a wonderful woman, and i was raised in about as perfect as one house hold could be, although my father and step mother are old fashioned, high in morals and values and at time were strict yet fair.. i also had my mother every other weekend who was free spirited and let us run wild.. not that it was always a good thing, but i had 2 wonderful mothers, that are totally different from each other, and the worlds best father.. unfortunately it took for me to be an adult before i realized it all....
There is always harm done, even in the best of divorces to the children, there will be damaging affects that will last them a life time and tend to carry over into their own personal relationships as adults.. Divorce should always be last resort.. and if u must get a divorce u should always handle it as maturely and as civil as possible.. and both parties should always promote whats best for the children and never let their own personal feelings get in the way of whats best for the children..
2007-02-20 11:00:36 · answer #4 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
In a way yes, but they waited until I was older and my sister and I were both out of the house. They didnt fight often in front of us, but it was obvious they wern't happy together.
My mom always made a point to tell us "this isnt how a marriage should be".
Now they get along better than they did when they were together.
I think it had less of an effect on me because i was older and able to understand, however it has scared me for the future.
Im in love with a wonderful man, but it scares me that the divorce rate statistically increases if your from a broken home.
I think as long as you explain what is going on to your children and that you still love them as you did before, and make an effort to spend as much time as you can with them, everything will work out as long as you and your partner can be mature about it and maintain respect for one another.
2007-02-20 11:23:03 · answer #5 · answered by Katie 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
no
i feel that i would have been worse off if they would have stayed together. seeing parents fight is much worse, i believe, than splitting. when parents aren't happy together, then i think it's best to go their separate ways. Sometimes, divorce is the best answer...
2007-02-20 11:10:32 · answer #6 · answered by **Lil QT** 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I do feel it changed forever who I am, how I deal with things, my feelings towards my family and my own marriage. And mine divorced when I was 30!
2007-02-20 10:54:56 · answer #7 · answered by CV 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think they did hurt me when they got a divorce
im in foster care just because my mom and dad got one and now im not the same i have trouble sleeping and i have trouble makeing new friends so back to your answer YES it would!
2007-02-20 10:56:44 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Harmed, No. Made my life suck, Yes.
2007-02-20 10:58:40 · answer #9 · answered by mixedup 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
No,they did great thing!They release me from house hell!
2007-02-20 11:01:27 · answer #10 · answered by HPA 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋