We are separated and she has a boyfriend. My kids have shared that he spends the night and that they make funny noises at night. Should I go to court? My kids are 7 and 4.
2007-02-20 02:34:40 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
your decision is right..try talking to your wife first before taking any drastic actions...explain to her bout your children and she might understand..if she continue doing that,bring the matter to court...i am proud of you...
2007-02-20 02:40:55 · answer #1 · answered by puff j 2 · 2⤊ 6⤋
First, do you have custody of the kids? If not, tread very lightly on the idea of keeping them from her. What I would do, if you are concerned about it, is get the kids to a counselor and have them talk about what happens at their mom's house. Next, if the counselor shows concern about it, then take it to the courts. Sue for custody, and explain your reaons. You cannot however, keep the kids from their mother ONLY because she has a sexual relationship. If they were married, there wouldn't be anything you could do. Now, if the mother is having sexual relations in front of the children, and the children see it, that is different and should be addressed legally immediately. If every other aspect of her parenting is good, then try just talking to her. Let her know, nicely, that the kids 'hear' things and ask her if she is aware of it. More than likely, she doesn't even realize it. She will most likely be mortified by it, and take the steps to ensure the kids do not hear it any longer.
I hope you don't take offense to this, but my first reaction to this was not to support your issue. It appears that maybe you are making more out of this than it really is, because you're jealous? I could of course be way off base. Please talk to her first. Think of what's best for the kids.
Another note: If she has custody, and you are the visiting parent, keep in mind that it is much easier for you to have a sexual relationship without the kids 'hearing' than it is for her. You cannot expect her to become 100% abstinent just because she has the kids, and to expect her to only have sex when the kids are with you is unrealistic and just plain absurd. She's an adult, and like I said before, as long as the kids aren't being forced to watch it take place, she isn't doing anything wrong. So, talk to her, let her know the kids are hearing things, and if need be, take the kids to counseling.
Good luck!!!
2007-02-20 03:16:42 · answer #2 · answered by kari w 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not Reasonable sorry... If the shoe was on the other foot how would you act? Don't have the kids in the middle. Have the talk with your kids about being safe when they are not in your care. More kids are exposed to other relationships these days. You can't control what your ex does only what you can do. Take the higher ground and not exposed your children to someone else until you are ready to make it more permanent. Your kids don't need to see a line of new aunties or uncles in their lives right now it is best to spend quality time with them and not to question what is done at your ex's place besides your kids will see it for what it is anyway and you might ever know what things they pick up on your behavior vs your ex's behavior. The kids have the right to love both of you equally.
2007-02-20 03:16:52 · answer #3 · answered by chancesare45 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you cannot keep the kids from your wife like that, you have to go to court on this issue but remember you also must follow the same rule... my ex hated the fact that i had a 5yr longstanding relationship with a b-friend. ex said I'll tell the judge your not married to him...OK so when my kids told me that daddy had g-friends(many) spending the night over i made him aware that he would also not be allowed to have Friends in the house only a wife ..needles to say he didn't do a thing... looks to me like you should talk to your ex and ask her to keep the noise down but if your going to pursue this? you better not have any sex in the home with your kids in the home at the same time. and oh, no over night g-friends for you too....you should come to some kind of agreement. but a judge won't take custody away from wife for noise.. sorry..
2007-02-20 02:51:06 · answer #4 · answered by Hi its me again 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The "Morals Clause" used to be a mainstay in a final divorce decree. There were certain moral lines that were not to be crossed (ie. no one of the opposite sex in the home between 10pm and 6am that is not a blood relative). But, those things are less likely to be ordered by a judge these days.
The fact the she may be sleeping with the guy isn't enough to not let the children visit her. Maybe talk to her and let her know that the "kids can hear you guys" sort of thing. But, the way you wrote makes it sounds like you are just mad for her moving on with her life.
And, judges don't want their time "wasted" with trivial matters. This just ties up court time and money on things two parents should be able to work out on their own. When you show the court you two can't act like adults, judges tend to get irritated, and you probably won't like the rules he sets in place for both of you. I have seen it many times. The judge will tell both of you that you need to learn to work these things out on your own, or you will not like the decision he makes if it goes in front of him again.
2007-02-20 02:45:10 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
As a newly divorced mom with custody of my children, I think you are being a ignorant father. I read on here that everyone is saying you are a great father, but I don't think so. Your kids are too young to know what is going on. The noises could just be snoring. Talk to your exwife about your feelings. Maybe she really loves this guy and you are just being jealous. THE KIDS ARE THE IMPORTANT THING NOT YOUR FEELINGS.
2007-02-20 03:01:21 · answer #6 · answered by Valerie D 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess when both of you were together, you both make funny nosies, so what's wrong if she's making funny noises with her boyfriend. Why do parents alway think they can get even with thier partners by using their children? Listen if you want to go to court you can go and that's you headache but if you care about your kids, then call you thier mother and calmly talk this over with her without making her feel like you are monitoring or threatnening her. Show love for your kids and for goodness sake. Show love and understanding
2007-02-20 02:48:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
No not reasonable. She has a right to get on with her life, as do you. What would be reasonable would be if there was some concern for the kids safety (ie is he an ex-felon). You should talk to her - she might be very embarrased to hear the report from the kids and she might be more careful in the future. I think any judge would laugh you out of the courtroom on this one.
2007-02-20 02:42:55 · answer #8 · answered by CV 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You can have your lawyer stipulate in the decree that no overnight visits by the bf may occur while the children are present withouth the benefit of marriage. Meaning he can't stay unless they get married, unlikely. That will also go for you too. Lawyer may not want to go that route, cuz it is difficult to do, being that they aren't having sex in front of the kids; I mean after all, while you guys were married, you did have sex too, with the kids in the home.
2007-02-20 02:47:08 · answer #9 · answered by jude 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Unless there is a court order, then you might get into trouble for not letting them go. As for funny noise, they never heard it at your house? Come on, your pissed at her, and this is a good excuse to strike back. Take it from me, I have been there, don't lower yourself to her level, take it to court and NEVER use the kids as a weapon. It WILL come back to haunt you. Remember, it is over with you two, but everything you say and do, the kids watch and when your attitude effects them, THATs wrong. It dont matter what she did, she is still mommy to them,
2007-02-20 02:42:36 · answer #10 · answered by Common Sense 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You need to talk to your wife. Tell her that you're uncomfortable with her BF being there thru the night when the kids are there. Ask her to please have the same respect you have with the kids to not have any woman sleeping over when they're with you. And nicely remind her that the two of you are still married. The least she could do is not flaunt the cheating and total disregard of the marriage in front of the kids.
2007-02-20 02:41:57 · answer #11 · answered by littlemama_rules 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋