I am a Hindu married to a sardar.It was a love marriage.I dont have any problem in my married life except....?

Question

that my in-laws keep callin me sardarni.I dont like this.I feel like talkin to my in-laws but feel i may offend them. whenever i listen to bhajans or aartis my hubby goes out of the room
Once this happened that i was listenin to loud music.my hubby came and switchd off the system sayin that his parents were offerin prayers but on the other hand when i was offerin prayers some days later he himself put on loud music.
...when i am nt well or for any reason i ask him to light the sacred jyot he tends to avoid..he will leave the room..act as if he forgot or any other reason bt never light lamp..these things are small but r hamperin my relation...
I have tried to talk to him bt wenever i talk to him he make me feel as if i m thinkin wrong because he himself never thought of these things.bt evertime it cannot be coincidence.

today he came from office.we were enjoyin n then came my mom-in law, called me sardarni..i didnt say anythin..my hubby got up..pulled up the sheet and went to bed.

Answer 1

see babe indian men tend to be a li'll brash in front of their parents and relatives. Its their way of showing to them that they are in control.
You DEFINITELY need to talk to your husband if you wanna stop this. If you dont, the feeling will keep growing inside you and your relationship and marriage will keep going from bad to worse.
You dont have to hold his collar and talk to him. My suggestion is you talk to him when you are really sad and he comes to you to ask what is the matter. Just cry. It works everytime lol.
explain to him what the problem is. tell him you can keep quite and suffer, but since you think that he can find a solution, you are telling him. and as a wife looking up to him for a solution.
All the best. Hope everything works out for u.

Answer 2

Sikhs are part of Hinduism. Hinduism is not a religion. Hinduism is a culture, tradition, custom, rite, usage, etc. Sikhs have a little different culture, though Hindus, and celebrate all Hindu festivals: Dasara, Deepavali, Holi, etc. Both should understand and adopt practices of each other for a joyful marital life. Inlaws and daughter-in-law too should treat each other as if parents & daughter.

Answer 3

i Don't think there's anything wrong with bing called as a 'Sardarni'. but yes about the music and religious beliefs, you must have though over it before ending up into marraige. Yo ucan talk to your husband about it. You two loved each other and got married. Both of you gotta accept each other with each other's customs...

:-)

Answer 4

Hey Girl
Iam A hindu too and iam married to sardar ji. See you have to talk to your husband tell him if you donn't respect my culture i won't respect yours. you can do that too. Just try to do that with him and his parents one or two time or untill they realised that they are doing something wrong or they are hurting you. if they can call you sardarni you can call your husband punditji why not since he married you.
well at my wedding time they changed my name .like from hindu name to sikh and told my husband i don't wanna change my name first he did not accept that but then i stoped replying to him or his family whenever they call me with that name. i told them sisnce 20 years i had that name my parents gave me i don't know anybody by that name over here and then after couple of weeks they stopped calling me aman.
well i hope you try this
and good luck

Answer 5

As you said yours is a love marriage. You have to sacrifice something in life to attain something. When you are in Rome, live like a Roman. Follow the custom they want to. If your mother in law call you sardani, it is O.K. They consider that you are part and parcel of their family. Accept the term " Sardarani " happily. Before marriage you know where you are going to get married. Therefore you cannot blame them. You have to lead a happy life then follow their custom.

Answer 6

I don't think I have read a single question in Answers that was written by an Indian that did NOT involve parents. You people care WAY too much what your parents and your in-laws think! You're like broken records - parents, parents, parents, parents. Sheesh! Get over it, be adults, and stop worrying what anybody's parents think!

Answer 7

AS per my observation, in all the inter religion marraiges hindu partener (male or female) gives up!!!

The traditional hindu bride adapts to husband's family and more over in your case, Sikihism started as they didn't agree to hindu rituals like idols,havan etc..so your "hindu habits" must be definitely making you life partner uncomfortable as he was raised to dis like these rituals..if he was raised very orthodox it may not be possible to change him...

If dont want to give up ur rituals use tactics to tame him like crying and bed time..but dont make it too complicated..

You should be happy to be called a Sardarni bcz it means your in-law accepted you as her heiress!!It doen't hapen so easily even in Hindu-Hindu marraige..Keep up to your in-laws' expectations..

Answer 8

Hi Guys! I am getting married to a sardar. I love him a lot, and he loves me too.I am bit scared about the religion coz my family thinks that ppl will talk about getting me married to a sardar because he wears a turban and will not match to our family and he is scared being insulted? What should I do ?

Answer 9

i think the best solution is to stop expecting them to change for u.
if u want to follow ur custom, do it. don't try to involve ur husband. if u don't like ur mil calling u sardarni, turn a deaf ear to that word,
it takes time to adjust to married life for everyone. dont let these trivial issues bother u.

Answer 10

Do you know the Hindi meaning of SARDAR? It means HEAD; it can be head of family, society, community, city, state or even country. This is the literal meaning. If you don’t make it communal then what’s the harm if your mother in law calls you SARDARNI, take it in the literal sense as I told you & consider yourself head of the family. I don’t understand why people in our country think Sikhs are alienated section of the Indian society, if you go by the history of Sikh community it was the Hindu warriors who took to arms when they found Hindus were murdered & physically abused by the Muslim rulers & his men of that time. This is well know thing but still Hindus alienate Sikhs from them knowing it fully well even the Hindu civil enactments include Sikh as a part of definition as Hindu. Read this: - 2. Application of Act
(1) This Act applies

(a) to any person who is a Hindu by religion in any of its forms or developments, including a Virashaiva, a Lingayat or a follower of the Brahmo, Prarthana or Arya Samaj,

(b) to any person who is a Buddhist, Jaina or Sikh by religion, and

(c) to any other person domiciled in the territories to which this Act extends who is not a Muslim, Christian, Parsi or Jew by religion, unless it is proved that any such person would not have been governed by the Hindu law or by any custom or usage as part of that law in respect of any of the matters dealt with herein if this Act had not been passed.

Explanation : The following persons are Hindus, Buddhists, Jainas or Sikhs by religion, as the case may be:-

(a) any child, legitimate or illegitimate, both of whose parents are Hindus, Buddhists, Jainas or Sikhs by religion;

(b) any child, legitimate or illegitimate, one of whose parents is a Hindu, Buddhist, Jaina or Sikh by religion and who is brought up as a member of the tribe, community, group or family to which such parent belongs; and

(c) any person who is a convert or re-convert to the Hindu, Buddhist, Jaina or Sikh religion.

(2) Notwithstanding anything contained in sub-section (1), nothing contained in this Act shall apply to the members of any Scheduled Tribe within the meaning of clause (25) of article 366 of the Constitution unless the Central Government, by notification in the Official Gazette, otherwise directs.

(3) The expression "Hindu" in any portion of this Act shall be construed as if it included a person who, though not a Hindu by religion, is, nevertheless, a person to whom this Act applies by virtue of the provisions contained in this section.

So next time your mother in law calls you sardarni don’t mind it & consider your self a sardarni (Head). By the way I married a Sikh lady & even my daughter got married to a Sikh boy.