She has no respect 4 our relationship. She has given him love letters since we have been tog, she acts like I dont exsist, she has actully shown up out of the blue. Then she proceeds 2 tell me I do not have 2 leave? Do I need 2 fear her for myself? Her actions scare me. I wont share my husband nor should I have 2. He thinks she is innocent isnt a mean person. Of course,not 2 him, what abour me?
2007-02-20 02:02:58 · 41 answers · asked by j jg-j 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell your husband this is very disrespectful to you and your marriage. He needs to tell this ex-gf that this is not Ok and that if he continues to see her he is jeopardizing his marriage and that this ongoing relationship with his ex is a deal breaker for you and him and you will not tolerate this any longer, if he continues, then you need have to make a decision about the future of your marraige with him. If he'll do this with this gf what about the next one? God Bless and Good Luck.
2007-02-27 19:47:08 · answer #1 · answered by 1TON 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you said he thinks she is innocent - isn't a mean person, and you're right not to him. She wants him to beleive that you are the person with the problem not her. He has fallen for that lie. I really don't know that even if you said anything to him if he really would listen to it, only because he won't see the problem. The sad thing is that you said she has given him love letters which I'm sorry means she still has a thing for him....how did he miss that??? Fear her...I wouldn't .....she may be doing you a favor in the long run, she can't possibly take something from you unless he gives it away freely to her.
Honey, sit down and talk a very serious talk...if not, he'll think it's okay to continue. keep your cool, again she's trying to prove your the problem not her. Your best thing is to tell him that it's okay to have ex's as friends but they must respect your relationship as married people, but when he's receiving letters and calls all the time, there's a problem. Besides you need to tell him that the time that is spent "talking" with her takes away the time you to can have together. Tell him that even if he doesn't see it, she is trying to come between you two. Really that's all you can do, the next step will be up to him. I hope for your sake and your marriage, that he will step up to the plate and starts to realize that there are she-devils out there who don't care. But again what is he if he allows it??????
2007-02-27 13:16:21 · answer #2 · answered by Txgirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he doesn't have any respect for your relationship together either because I'm sure that he can see that he is ruining the relationship that the two of you have together by allowing this ex girlfriend to interfere in your lives and that should show you that he is not only being totally disrespectful to you he is also being and egotistical @ss hole! You should show him that you have had enough of this bull $hit instead of just telling him about it! And if he would much rather have this woman come between the two of you instead of wanting to keep your love, trust, faith and happiness together flowing forever then you should either leave him or make him leave the house. You should not have to take this $hit from him or his ex girlfriend. Why don't you show him that you are his wife, not her and if he doesn't want to show you his love & respect then he can just move on and get out of your life forever? He most certainly wouldn't put up with this from you if the tables were turned. SO NEITHER SHOULD YOU!
Good Luck
2007-02-28 01:53:26 · answer #3 · answered by bigred 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She really has no respect for you and your relationship, but the thing is, she is not the one who has to show respect and care for the relationship, but your husband, the one whom committed to you and to the relationship.
Don't put things like "fear for myself", is not that you are with a fatal disease and can die. If you already had a conversation with him, and explaned to him that she is not his girfriend but someone, whom have shown not respect for you and your family and he has being responsable for that too, because he has kept his friendship with her, tell him the problem is, HE in fact is the one whom has not respected you. He does not care about your feelings and he is not worried about maintaing a partner that doesn't respect you too. Is him on your side, or aganist you? Ask him that? Ask him, why he insist on keep a posture that offends your marriage? Marriage has no space for ex lovers.
Tell him, to reflect about this converstion, and think what he wants from a marriage. If he insist on ignore you and keep having her around...be ready to leave him. Sooner than later.
Give yourself a chance of finding a partner that respects you and your feelings. Maybe you have an ex boyfriend willing to be the husband that he hasn't been for you. If not, at least you are not giving you feelings and years of your life away.
PS: He does not think she is innocent, he knows exactly what she is doing and he is enjoing the fact of having 2 women over him. Just finish with his game. Mayeb she deserve to have someone that won't respect her as well.
I also think, this is something you should had resolved before had married him.
2007-02-20 02:28:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she has given him love letters that YES you do have a legitimate right for concern. Speaking from both sides, I can tell you if she has done that than she wants him back. I am ashamed to admit I have done this with my first love, and we were both married. Nothing ever came of it because I found out he now has HEP C. But I did disregard his wife's feelings. But I do have friendships with a few exs, but not to the point we talk all the time. Like if we see eachother at the store we will catch up on what is going on with us now. This woman is letting your husband know that she still feels for him. He is probably getting an ego boost from it too. He may deny it but deep down he knows he is. This could lead to "WANTING" to be with her as she is always making him feel wanted and special, and at a weak point in a marriage that is stressful, or boring he may go to her to feel better. As they don't share kids or finances and a mortage and don't live together everyday, and he will find her more exciting... since they aren't responsible for eachother like he is with you. This could be a recipe for a disaster for your marriage. Since, he knows this bothers you and has yet to do anything about it, he may not have had sex with her yet, but I can almost guarantee he has thought about it. Let him read this answer and he knows what I'm am talking about. if he loves you, he knows he must cut all ties with this woman and realize that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Good luck.
2007-02-20 02:20:15 · answer #5 · answered by Destiny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say hire someone to beat the he#$ out of her!
No, just kidding. Sounds like a plan though.
But you should talk to your hubby about it and let him know how you feel about it. Let him know how that not only shows that he doesn't care about your feelings towards the situation, but he is disrespecting you at the same time by allowing this woman to come between you two. Let him know that their relationship must come to an end. Give him an ultimatum and trust that he'll do the right thing.
He should be smart enough to know that your marriage is way more important than having any 'ol ex as a friend!
Hope this helped ya sweetie!
2007-02-20 02:09:44 · answer #6 · answered by ♥LadyC♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a number of options:
1. Trust your husband to not cheat on you, despite the fact that this woman clearly wants him.
2. Talk to your husband about WHY he maintains a friendship with his Ex. Is there something emotional lacking in his relationship with you that he's getting form her? Don't let this get accusatory, but see this as an opportunity to learn more about him.
3. Polyamory (This would likely mean you'd have a boyfriend or girlfriend on the side as well)
4. Start hanging out with your last boyfriend and see how he reacts.
5. Marriage Counseling.
2007-02-20 02:11:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No. I think he needs to cut off all ties with her, out of respect for your marriage. What could he possible NEED from her? He needs to let that go.
I actually don't think a person talking to an ex is bad... unless what you've described happens. My ex and I are very good friends, but he is very respectful of my husband, and we only talk every couple of months or so, to do the "how's your wife and kid?" "how's your husband?" etc.
I think your man should understand that what's happening is WRONG. Whether she's mean or the nicest person in the world -- he needs to do what is right for HIS marriage and for his relationship with his wife.
Good luck!
2007-02-20 02:10:07 · answer #8 · answered by doggiemom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is so messed up!
First of all, she should NOT be over there in the first place saying "you don't have to leave" - I would have been like "I know - but YOU do and another thing don't you EVER come over here again!" See what ur husband says, if he gets mad at you then tell him you have to make a choice (say it stern) "Me or your ex!" He cannot allow her to treat you like crap and then allow her in ur home altogether. That would have been world war three if it was me! Don't be passive be stern. Good luck!!!
2007-02-20 02:52:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
From my point of view it has nothing to with your husbands ex. Talk to him and let him know that he needs to respect you and that you wish for him to cut off completely his relationship with this girl. Dont take "shes my friend" bull S@#$! If your gutzy, tell him to choose between her and you! That will show you if he indeed is the right person for you. Dont take that from him. He's probably the one who is feeding this by engaging or flirting with his ex. He might still have feelings for her.
Good Luck. You need to get rid of this girl. Do that by talking to your husband and not the girl in question.
2007-02-20 02:11:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋