How do I discipline my child without being mean. I have a nine year old daughter that need to be discipline.?

Question

My daughter is in the 4th grade. I love her dearly but she is getting into trouble on the bus and at school. When I let her go places she causetrouble. She does not listen and follow directions

Answer 1

Time to mean-up!!!

Set firm boundaries, never waiver, and have a list of consequences for broken rules. In that list, for the most disobedient things like lying, cussing, stealing.... should be spanking.

Good Luck

Answer 2

Every different thing your daughter does that causes trouble has to be considered: not just everything bad that she does - they are not all the same. A parenting course offered in your town would help you understand which is the right form of discipline to use. Discipline is not a spanking, it is not being mean, it's not a challenge to break a child's spirit. It's a way of making sure that there are consequences for her actions.
For example, in a crowd of people, your child may be obnoxious, loud, and push people physically; how many people in that crowd are going to discipline your daughter? None! So you have to be vigilant; you have to be the person who can discipline. Show her how to act in a crowd of people.
By pulling her out of an activity that she enjoys (for example, taking her home from the petting zoo because she won't be courteous to other people there), she experiences that as consequences. Do that enough times and she learns that better behavior is appropriate and allows her to enjoy things she likes. But what if she's tired and really wants to leave the petting zoo? It's a perfect time for her to misbehave and 'act up' because then she knows she is forcing everyone to leave because you are going to take her home. The trouble is, there may be members of your family who want to stay longer!
Perhaps her punishment then would be that she has to stay at the petting zoo as long as everyone else but she will have something that she really likes taken away for a period of time - (3 days without any TV, for example!) to show that her misbehaving has consqequences.
They always say that the punishment should fit the crime (misbehavior) but it's not always easy to figure one out!
I think it's also important to give warnings. Give the child a chance to think about what she has done or is doing. Then punish/ discipline if she won't stop doing it. But some things are so clear that you need to skip the warning; you wouldn't let her run into the street and let her off with a warning! You'd grab her, be clear in showing how angry and worried you are and then give her some memorable consequence just because you'd never want her to try that again!
So each situation has to be judged differently but the fact that her actions have consequences will be the constant.
Parenting courses usually talk about consequences. There is a lot more available when you can discuss with other parents, too, who have children of the same age. They tend to go to those courses, too.

Answer 3

She is definitely too old for a smack on the bottom, and time outs are not likely to work at this age either.

I would say start taking away priveledges that directly relate to the misbehavior.

For example, if you tell her to turn off the TV to do her homework and she doesn't, take away TV priviledges for a week. If she's misbehaving on the bus, take away her priviledge to see friends for a week.

My daughter is 6 and we have started this with her. It seems to help.

We also do a ticket system for the 6 and 4 year old that seems to work really well so far. You set out a list of good behaviors that earn a certain number of tickets, bad behavior that take away tickets, and each priviledge costs tickets.

For example, to gain tickets, the girls can help cook dinner (+2 tickets), clean their room (+1), do their chores (1 each), perform an act of kindness (1), etc.

To lose tickets, they back talk (-3 tickets), they throw a tantrum (-2), get in trouble at school (2), don't finish their homework (1), etc.

Priviledges they have to pay for include sleepovers (5 tickets), an hour of TV (1), ice cream for dessert (1), a day in the mountains (15), go to the movies (20), etc.

You can work the ticket system to fit your family's traits and habits. I really like this system because I think it prepares them for being responsible for their own actions as adults.

Answer 4

It is perfectly okay and not at all "mean" to physically discipline your child at home. Just make sure that she knows exactly why she is being disciplined and make sure to do it with love. A belt to the bottom for misbehavior at school has been the norm for many many years and only recently have we stopped this practice. I believe that lack of physical discipline has led to totally unruly and obnoxious children. Now everybody claims to never hit their children, but look at the horrible behavior that you can witness in grocery stores, restaurants, parks, movie theaters, etc.

By the way, I am the mother of three teenaged daughters myself, so I know about unruly behavior. If you spank your child, do it with love and a hug afterward. Let her know that the reason she is being disciplined physically is because you love her, but she is not following the rules - and MUST.

Be consistent with your spankings, always the same response to bad behavior and not going back and forth between different kinds of punishment or blowing off punishment all together sometimes. Yes, she is going to be mad and maybe even hurt, but it is your job as a parent to make sure that your child complies with rules of behavior. She WILL get over any physical discipline that you give her. You are strong enough to allow her to be mad at you for awhile. She will certainly appreciate your efforts as she gets older and is a well-behaved and courteous young woman that others enjoy being around.

THERE IS NO SHAME IN CORPORAL PUNISHMENT - AND NOTHING WRONG WITH IT!

Answer 5

He is not too small for a time out and to have the toy taken away. Give the time out one minute for every year he is old. Explain what he done wrong when you put him in and when you take him out. Also tell him he can not have the toy that he was misusing for the rest of the day. It may seem like he is not getting it but after a couple days he will learn. You and your husband need to be consistant and follow through every single time you say it. Any longer than a minute though adn he will forget why he is in time out so don't go over it, it will defeat your purpose. I done this with my son starting at about a year old (maybe a month or so off) everytime he done something I had told him was bad. I would first tell him and say next time you have to get a time out, so the next time he done it I put him in his playpen for a minute. It was usually things like going on the fireplace (which only took three time outs!), scratching or hitting someone (which took about a week). He is use to the time out situation now and (he is 28mths old) and will cry when I say it is time out go sit on your bed (and he actually goes in and sits there until I get him to come out and play again.

Answer 6

There is a simple effective way to discipline your kids, encourage them to do well and discourage bad behavior. It's easy, effective and all your have to do to learn it; read a short book and apply what you read. If you want to raise secure, friendly, kind kids go get 1,2,3, Magic by Dr. Phelan.

It works, we have used it with our kids and we consistently get good reports from teachers at school, the bus driver, and other parents. Even our pediatrician said something to me about ALL of them being pretty darned good.

My favorite is other parents that say our kids are the nicest and funniest they've ever met. That's what it's all about: raising happy kids. They do better in school, are very confident, and are a joy to have around.

Try it. Your lives will be forever altered for the better.

Answer 7

Take her to a Dr and get her a general check up. If it comes back showing no problems then regroup and work on your parenting skills. Be consistent in everything you tell her. Don't take her "causing trouble" personnel. This is about her and what is going on in her world. Try and "listen" to her when she opens up. Be firm but always be loving. All parents deserve a gold medal when we cross that "invisible" parenting finish line. (Which being a parent is never over, just a cliche there. LOL) The word "no" is not said enough today. We need to use it, mean it, and stand by it. It really is all that simple. :) I have raised 3, and made plenty of mistakes. Looking back I made it harder than I should of. I have shared my weak points with you. Doing these things, I suggested, could of made a big difference in my life while they were going threw those terrible and hard years. Hang tuff and never ever give up. Its the worst/best job. The rewards last a life time.

Answer 8

Then clearly you need to be mean. You are NOT your daughters BFF, you are her PARENT. You need to act like one. Start with grounding. Then remove privileges like phones, computers, TVs, cell phones, video games, etc. She MUST be taught now that that kind of behavior is not acceptable. You can also assign chores (I think all kids should already be doing chores...) such as dishes, setting the table, cleaing the bathroom, laundry, scrubbing floors, polishing silver, washing baseboards (my personal worst! the 'rents used to always give me some hot water and a sponge and make me clean baseboards!), shovelling or weeding depending on where you live... etc. You get it.

Seriously though, you're gonna have to be mean. Discipline comes before not being mean.

Answer 9

set firm boundaries and make her stay within them. when she does something that she should not do then you need to take things away from her. it is not being mean, you are being a parent and part of a parents job is to do what is best for their child even if it means being hated by your child once in a while. it is tough i know but that is what you are going to have to do. if you don't then it is only going to get worse. a lot worse. don't be afriad to put your foot down. she needs firm guidance. you will be glad you did and she will be too when she gets older. hope this helps. good luck.

Answer 10

Sorry 4th grade isn't the time to start discipline. Try the first tantrums when an infant and continue throughout life. Good luck catching up.

Answer 11

This is more of a long-term solution, but any day that she does NOT get in trouble, LAVISH her with praise.

When I was in the 4th grade, I got into trouble on the bus, and the principle made me walk instead for a month-- and it really helped.