Ok both me and my husband decided our marriage was over and we are being adults about it. we have 3 children together, would it be ok if we were room mates and shared a house for the kids sake? we dont want the kids to get hurt by one of us not being there is it ok or not? I need some advice pls. we both decided if we date not to bring them around the kids or bring ppl home for our kids to see. but we are both free to live our own lives. help pls. We are going to tell the kids the situation but we are better friends than husband and wife. my kids are 12, 11 and 6 so they are still young. We have both agreed we will not bring anyone home or spend the night with anyone. I know it will be hard is there anyone out there with a similar situation and how did it work for you? We have no plans on getting back together, its over we both agreed on that. I just dont want my kids to get hurt and this way they still get the love and both parents there.
2007-02-20 01:24:19 · 16 answers · asked by mikentammy76 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
we get along great. we love each other but not in a marriage kinda way anymore. we have tried to fix it, been trying for 6 yrs, but just work better as friends.
2007-02-20 02:37:11 · update #1
It's okay if you get along fine. I would say no to the dating part. Not until you live in seperate households. Someone is bound to get their feelings hurt no matter how careful you are with it, and then it will get really bad. Date when you actually don't live together anymore.
2007-02-20 01:29:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Becoming roommates will hurt and confuse the kids even more than one of you moving out. However, if you are such great friends and could stand to continue living together, then DON'T get a divorce. A divorce, no matter how "good" and "amicable" is devastating to a child. Don't be selfish. You promised to love and care for the other person for the rest of your life. You're apparently in a rough patch now so you've decided to do what you want and divorce. It doesn't work that way now. You have children and you need to think of them first. Unless there is physical or emotional abuse you shouldn't even consider a divorce. So, suck it up, put your own petty feelings aside for one and get some counseling. You have 12 years before all your kids are grown, so that should be plenty of time to work it out.
2007-02-20 01:58:54 · answer #2 · answered by rosekm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see a road paved with disaster.
It's fine to say that neither of you will bring a date home, but what is the "penalty" when the first person breaks that "rule?" And what about the dating phone calls? The jealousy? The personal space?
And what happens when you are both feeling lonely and bored and decide that a "one time" fling won't hurt anyone?
And what happens to your kids, who believe, because you are still living together, that Mommy & Daddy are going to get back together again and we'll all be a happy family once more?
2007-02-20 01:30:10 · answer #3 · answered by kja63 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I was in a similar situation for a short time. It didn't work because, I realised that I just didn't and couldn't be around him anymore. I honestly thought it would be the best solution for our child but, it was doing more harm than good.
Another thing is, I felt awfully lonely. I wanted male companionship....someone to talk with, laugh with and hold. I realised to put my own life on hold was making me miserable and by the way, kids aren't stupid. They pick up on how you are feeling.
How can you get to meet someone new, someone who has the ability to fulfill your life and you fill theirs in the same way if you're still living under the same roof as your ex?
You need to be very sure that you can live this way. It's not an easy road to take. I thank God I made the move and left. I now have a wonderful man whom my child just adores and, we're now the happy family I had always longed for.
Good luck with your future choice. :-)
2007-02-20 01:35:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!! Do not do this, it is a crazy stupid idea. It will ruin your future relationships with other people. Before I married my husband, I was corresponding with this great guy in Seattle who was in your situation with his ex-wife as roommates. I felt so awkward about it that I let the relationship go because I couldn't deal with it. I've been through a lot of strange stuff in my life and can deal with a lot of difficult stuff, but this was way too much. Sure, it sounds like a terrific idea. But, the longer it drags on the more damage you're going to do to the kids because if you live together they will think the possibility of you getting back together is there. Don't do it. Very bad call.
2007-02-20 01:32:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like this may turn into a common law marriage. What kind of message are you sending yo your kids? Not pointing fingers, just that you guys need to think of the longterm affects this might have. Personally I would not. Kids will understand later in life. Divorce hurts but in my case staying together hurt even more.
2007-02-20 01:39:46 · answer #6 · answered by ladybugjan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just ask yourself if you would want your children to live that way because that's what you would be modeling for your children's future. I think it's an awful idea. Being friends is very good for the kids to see but the living together thing is in bad taste.
2007-02-20 01:40:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two have a ways to go before the kids grow up. If you or your husband fall inlove with someone else could you stand it or could he take it? You and your husband need to keep it real with eachother and know what the possibilities are! Do you know that you are not free to live your lives with this arrangement? Do you even know what freedom is it is most certainly not sharing a house together with your ex it is like waiting for a BOMB TO EXPLODE !! I think you guys need more time to rethink this.
2007-02-20 01:38:39 · answer #8 · answered by crystal_clear_0000 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Me and my ex tried living together after we split due to financial reasons. It didn't work. The reasons why you couldn't live together as a married couple will come into play for a reason why you shouldn't live together as "room mates". Children are not stupid, so I would be honest and open with them as soon as possible. Otherwise, they are going to be very angry at both of you for decieving them for so long. You and your husband can't get along as a married couple anymore and you need to seperate as soon as possible in order for yourselves and your children to move on. Thank you and GOD bless.
2007-02-20 01:39:17 · answer #9 · answered by cookie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can live with it then great. It certainly will be better for the kids. It sort of sounds like a great premise for a TV show!!!lol no seriously if you think you can live with each other under those circumstances then all the more power to you but I couldnt do that. I would have to have my own place even if he lived right next door or something.
2007-02-20 01:29:57 · answer #10 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋