... that my in-laws keep calling me sardarni...I dont like this.I feel like talking to my in-laws but feel i may offend them.Moreover whenever i listen to bhajans or aartis my husband goes out of the room.......
Once this happened that i was listening to loud music...my husband came and switched off the system saying that his parents were offering prayers but on the other hand when i was offering prayers some days later he himself put on loud music.....
....when i am nt well or for any reason i ask him to light the sacred jyot he tends to avoid......he will leave the room.....act as if he forgot or any other reason he will give bt never light the sacred lamp....these things are small but are hampering my relationship...
I have tried to talk to him bt wenever i talk to him he make me feel as if i m thinking wrong because he himself never thought of these things...bt evertime it cannot be coincidence...we always end up in a fight...i m afraid to talk to him regarding this.wat to do?
2007-02-20 00:43:31 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In an inter faith mairriage the both partners should avoide getting into each other's religious ways. Your husband dislikes lightning the lamp. Don't force him to do so. He goes out of room when you listen to your bhajangs... remember he is not a hindu, so he is not obliged to listen to it. Do you take part in his prayers? Maybe he is not easy with the concept that while you are practicing your own religion yourself, his parents and other people are perceiving it as if he is becoming a hindu.
The best way for you is to keep a low profile. your-in-laws probably think that you are impressed by their religion, and maybe your husband has given them the impression that you will convert faith. Do explore into this matter and discuss with your husband.
It is best if you and your husband could move away and get an independent house. There you both will be at liberty of practicing your religion without comming into each other's way.
2007-02-20 01:31:39 · answer #1 · answered by AnSID 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Generally people more so Indians give the religion more importance than it deserves (its public display). In any intra religion marriage this situation comes up. By and large every where it is the wife who makes the adjustment because it she who has shifted to a new house and is supposed to become the part of it. Since yours was (I am sorry it is) a love marriage. So look for the lovable traits in your husband. Practising religion is a very personal matter and in no way it should clash with followers of other religions. Try to distance away from your in laws and sometimes discuss with your husband. Do not say that he is doing some thing wrong but tell him that I perceive it as wrong and it hurts me.
2007-02-20 00:55:40 · answer #2 · answered by Friendly medic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there any way that you can move out from your In-laws? That would be the right thing to do. If not, then try to ignore these things and focus on the big picture - your relationship with your husband.
In Indian marriages, the woman has to adjust more. Try to become part of the family and ignore small things if your In-laws say things.
2007-02-20 00:48:13 · answer #3 · answered by Stareyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are going to live with your in-laws, then its you who have to adjust to the maximum.Otherwise you will have to start a seperate family set up between you two and come to an understanding that each will mind their own beliefs.A typical Sradar thinks really big about his religion and his parents and will always belive that his is the best!!! But a Sradar infront of an efficient Sardarni is like a tame cat. So learn the act of becoming a good sardarni so that he accedes to your request.
2007-02-20 00:58:27 · answer #4 · answered by THE WORRIER 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
:) Cheer up!!
Itz small but yes does get ugly later in life.... you need to do somethings to get things clear and live happy..... letz focus on ur in laws calling u sardarni!! itz jst out of luv they call sardarni coz if a gal (who is sardar would have married their son they would have call the same!!) like hindus bahu, in hindi, Sose in kannada, sunbai in marati jst like that sardarni is a term they address their daughter in law..... in ur mind if u think itz jst like bahu then it would help u n make u feel happy they r addressing that way.....the issue of lighting the jyoti (lamp) u should tell ur husband it really bothers u when he does not light the lamp even after that he doesn't do it then just relax n pray in ur mind n when u get a chance light it..... you are keeping things in ur heart which is bothering u more....eventually it will explode... only way u can avoid this is to talk it out n sort the things or let it go n be happy.... if u have married him (love marriage) then therez something good about him u liked something clicked between u two.... so think of positive things.... talking out with him is the best way to solve this problem... nothing should be kept but discussed if he say he feels uncomfortable lighting the lamp then so be it.... jst forget it.... let him not light the lamp.....about the music when u are praying tell him u can not concentrate when u pray so ask him to lower the volume or to listen after ur praying is done.... dont let small things affect ur relationship!! good luck!! :)
2007-02-20 00:57:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
HI,Meera.your question does not related any re ligion as Sikhism is also part of Hinduism Sikh Gurus worship Hindu God,s Ram,Shiv,etc ,Guru Gobind Singh Was Sanskrit Scoller,and Worship shiva in his prayers in your matter it is your husband personal attitude ,so you tried your best to change your husband attitude by your love and tell him God is One and the same is all religion Only the name ,s are different you also give respect to his religion sentiments and I hope one day he will must pay respect to your religious sentiments
2007-02-20 01:04:34 · answer #6 · answered by pankaj123 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there not really small, you and your hubby should have had a heart to heart about religious beliefs. If you respect his but choose to follow your you should not expect him to do things dealing with your religion unless it's consentual. by the same token HE should be the one stepping up with his family and correting them. If he is the MAN of the house he should defend his wife no matter what.
Gl
2007-02-20 00:52:59 · answer #7 · answered by Sully 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know Meera that after the marriage the girl has to accept the religion of the husband......If you want a happy married life follow their tradition....after marriage all changes.....
2007-02-20 23:55:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have a hindu friend & her bf is christian. i already told her that she shud know what she's doing coz religion will definitely be d cause of their future misundersatndings. u cant back out now coz ur already married 2 him... maybe u shud go 2 a marriage counselor & sort out ur problem.
2007-02-20 00:50:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like culture shock to me. If i were in that position I would go to the pastor of my church (whatever that may be for you) and talk to him about what to do. Good luck!!
2007-02-20 00:49:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋