any of the problems that he had to cause the situation to start with,What to do should I go back and face the same situation as before? He had a little problem with liking medication too much and he lies to me about even the least thing. I don't think he has ever been completly open with me. Having a conversation with him is like pulling teeth, I have to drag every word out of him and if an issue arises and I address it he gets very defensive and confrontational. I still have some feelings for him afterall we have been together for nearly half our lives and we have children. I don't want things to be the way they were but I really don't know what I should do about the whole thing .The clock is ticking as far as the divorce is concerned, Someone please give me some great advice,!!!!
2007-02-19 23:53:05 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
******************BEST ANSWER HERE******************
Here's the situation from a man's perspective. Ladies, listen up.
A man WILL NOT change unless he changes his Values System (Priorities).
This WILL NOT happen unless he's faced with a life-altering decision or event.
From experience, so this is real talk.
Men that promise to change, but don't change their influences (Shows they watch, friends they hang around, etc.) - WILL NOT change. Association breed assimilation.
That is the Power of Suggestion. Most men that promise this change are in denial.
They mean well, but that doesn't necessarily contribute to a healthy relationship.
Most rely on acting as if they are single in a relationship - failure to share (thoughts, time, emotion, etc.). Relationships suffer.
There are children involved, so this is a delicate situation.
Great advice would be to have him sit down (just you and him) and both write your Top 5 Priorities and Values on a piece of paper. Then exchange.
He may think it's juvenile, but is it juvenile to want to define the relationship?
If he doesn't, then it's time. If he does, you will be able to SEE and explain to him what is causing the distance between you two. Oh, you will be able to tell if he's lying, too.
If he writes down: God, family, etc.. You'll be able to give him examples of why this is not true.
"You can not give the mind what it can not digest"
Good luck to you...........and if you need more information, let me know...........
2007-02-20 00:11:32 · answer #1 · answered by HottNikkels 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's making a last ditch effort to maintain the status quo.. He's not going to change.. You say you still have feelings for him.. Then maybe you might want to try family counseling. If he refuses then there is little hope that things will get better. Actions speak louder than words...
2007-02-20 07:59:32 · answer #2 · answered by xjaz1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a decision only you can make. Sit down and write down the things that caused you to split. Then look at them one by one and ask if they have changed. Then look at the ones which haven't changed and ask yourself: CAN I LIVE WITH THIS THE REST OF MY LIFE?? Because that's what you're going to have to do if you don't complete the divorce.
As far as the lying, that's what substance abusers do: they lie. The sooner you accept that as fact, the better.
2007-02-20 07:58:52 · answer #3 · answered by Terri J 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say you reread your own post. Obviously you are having second thoughts. I say do not go back to him. The medication problem alone is enough that it should keep you away. You deserve a better husband. One you can trust to be honest with you at all times and not blow up at you the minute you speak. Please be good to yourself and stay out of this situation. Good luck!!
2007-02-20 09:09:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why would you want to stay with him if he is unwilling to change. he needs to see how serious you are if there is any chance at all that he will change. this isn't to say that he will definitely change if you leave. but he definitely will not change if you stay. i know it's hard to make the decision to leave when you've been with someone for so long, but you have to think of what is best for you and your kids. it is really healthy for them to have to see their dad abusing drugs. (just because it's a legal drug doesn't make it right). ultimately, it's your decision to make. what you have to decide is how much you are willing to put up with. talk to him and tell him your concerns and what you need him to do to make things better and if he doesn't agree or if he agrees but then doesn't do it, you have to follow through. good luck to you and i hope things work out.
2007-02-20 08:11:52 · answer #5 · answered by fungirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he seems unable to give up the meds, and doesn't want to be confronted, if u see no changes, after talking it out than there is no reason to stay with him, as there probably won't be any changes. if no one can find a resolution to the problems it is time to end it. addiction is just a way to run away from something, and avoid it.
2007-02-20 08:21:29 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have that same problem. I say get some marriage counseling and try one more time, if you still love him. I believe that you can fall in love with him again later.
2007-02-20 08:00:56 · answer #7 · answered by butterfly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is common among divorcees. now you may have some feelings for him but if heis that bad than leeve him
2007-02-20 07:59:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋