Stick it out or run like the wind?

Question

I've been dating an un-happily married man for 6 mo's. I've NEVER done this before. I know it's wrong & it violates my morals, but we have an amazing connection & passion 4 eachother. After the first couple of mo's we fell in love & we'd like 2 get married someday. I'm frustrated & have no idea what 2 do. I know I should end the relationship, but he's in the process of ending the marraige. My friends think once a cheater, always a cheater & he may do the same thing w/me someday- if we stay together. I disagree because I know he married due 2 family pressures & was very young at the time. He says it was a big mistake.(1st gf) He'd like me 2 wait this out w/him. He just started a new career & isn't in a place financially where he can leave right now. He's living w/his wife in her parents rental house & his father-in-law's name in on his cars title. He feels stuck. I want 2 believe I'm not being strung along..He says it could take a few more mo's 2 save money,refi his car,move & divorce.

Answer 1

Been there, done that. There's NEVER a good time financially. You have to be ready to leave EVERYTHING(which I did). It's NEVER easy. I married the woman I "cheated" with. It wasn't easy and was filled with many dissapointments but for me (and my wife) it was worth it. So it's doable if he's sincere.

Answer 2

Awww, hun... I learned this lesson a long time ago, when I got into a situation almost identical to yours.

I was young (barely eighteen) and he was twenty-six. He told me for MONTHS that he was going to leave his wife, and then his wife caught him slipping over to my place. When confronted with the question, "Well, is it her or is it going to be ME?", guess who he chose.

It's very rare that a married man will leave what he knows for what he doesn't know. Just a forwarning.

BTW, that man that I dated, now, twelve years later, is remarried to someone else, and he's been cheating on her, too... While some people DO change (hence voiding out the old adage "once a cheater, always a cheater), most of them do not, and will remain stuck in their ways for the rest of their lives.

Do yourself a favor and find a man without the baggage, sweetheart.

Answer 3

Hmmm. let me just tell you a little story from my own experience. My cousin dated a married man for 4 years. He always said he was leaving, and never did. Men get comfortable in a situation where they are taken care of, and trying to get out of it seems to be too much trouble. But everyone likes to have a little fun on the side right? So, having a girlfriend on the side is adventerous and a break from the daily dull (comfortable) life they already have. Now, my cousin's man went as far as buying a ring and proposing, just to let her know he would eventually leave. He did that after they were together for a year and a half. Long story short, they were together for four years, never got married, his wife found out, demolished her car and spray-painted the word SLUT on her front door. She went through many court cases and aggravation over something she could have just ended or never even started. Put yourself in his wife's shoes and think of how you would feel if you found out the man you loved was sleeping with someone else, and making promises to them about a future, you would be crushed. You need to get out of this and move on, for everyone's sake!

Answer 4

This ones a really hard question.And i wish i could be you for a day to find out the truth behind whats called an affair. this all sounds very sincere but if he really wanted this as strongly as he makes out he would walk from his marriage now. Or even before he met you. But think about this ,if you were so un happy in anything wouldnt you get right out of their now.He as you as an excuse and still doesnt move from the spot.Money or the lack of means nothing at the side of love, trust,loyalty,honesty,.yet he seems to think it does. THINK ABOUT IT>and good luck with either choice you make.

Answer 5

Run as fast as you can. He will always have a reason for not being able to leave "just yet". Get out and move on and never date a married man again. You'll save yourself and others a lot of grief.

Answer 6

Does his wife have any clue about the cheating? If not, then you should tell him that if he's serious about leaving his wife then he needs to talk to her about you. That you need some reassurance that this isn't a waste of your time or your heart. If he has kids, it's best to walk away. That is going to be more drama than you ever thought about.

Answer 7

You need to have faith in your own intuition. What is your own gut instinct on this situation. What was the uppermost thought running through your mind as you typed this question for us. You really do already know the answer. It's probably just gonna be hard for you to follow through. To delay the inevitable will only prolong the pain for you. Sorry I can't tell you what to do sweetie but I'm sure I've already said enough, just do it babe.



.............. :0)

PEACE

Answer 8

I think the Ist marriage was a mistake just like he has told you. I want you to stay with him in this time of his tribulation cos I can see, from what you've said that he is focussed and he has a "vision" for his future. Remember, "A friend in need is a friend indeed". Cheers!

Answer 9

You are the "other woman." And your friends are right, once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. He's not going to leave his wife for you -- why should he?

RUN!

Answer 10

more like 2 more years
break up with him, but in a good manner so that u r still friends, but tell him to come back to u when his affairs are sorted out
doing it this way will save u a lot of heartache
good luck