Are we selfish?

Question

I was wondering about this. We all do things because of the satisfaction or reward we get. For example we give to charity which gives US a form of satisfaction from helping others; we work because we want money to buy nice things. A mother loves her child and will do anything for that child because of the satisfaction the love gives to her (the mother).
At the end of it all do we just do things for ourselves? I don’t mean this in a rude way but I believe that selfishness is judged on how many people we help BEFORE helping/pleasing ourselves - at the end of it all, we still gain some sort of reward from performing a certain act and if we didn’t get that reward, we wouldn’t perform the act. I dont believe society is all to blame for making us this way, I believe it may just be human nature.

I know it’s a bit confusing but I hope you understand what I’m getting at here...

what's your opinion?

Wow great answers. Just want to clarify, maybe selfish is a strong word to use as it has too many negative associations....maybe 'elightened self interest' as one member has pointed out.

I dont mean a reward in the physical sense, the feeling we get when someone thanks us for a favour we have done or just that 'feeling' is a sort of reward in itself.

For all those who disagree, valid points, thank you! Caesar's Wife, I see your point also.

Feeling good because you've helped others in whichever way is definately not a bad thing, after all do we not live to maximise our pleasures? Whether this be through helping others as well as ourselves.

Thanks for all the answers, I read every one! I've also learnt a few things as well.

Answer 1

Would even asking class as Self-Gratification ?
But of course you are right, was only musing over this last night. It being my birthday I figured it would be nice to give something rather than receive, only to finally figure after feeling particularly proud of myself, that the act in itself could easilly be seen as satisfying myself.
I guess the flip-side to all actions is a nagging sense of self.

Answer 2

A mothers love is totally unconditional and she does not want to feel satisfaction about the love she gives.

We are all selfish in some shape or form indeed if it were not this way society would have crumbled a long time ago as that inbuilt selfishness helps the human race to survive.

Selfishness can be seen as both a strength and a weakness, the strength of doing something for ourselves when those around us expect us to do something for them. And a weakness for not appreciating the needs of others. That is how great nations are born through the survival of the strongest of characters and by helping the weakest become strong, by making them more determine and self sufficient and less reliant on others.

Answer 3

If you had to go and visit your Aunty Mabel every week for months on end and listen to her going on and on and on - surely a bit of self gratification is your reward?
For example - I found a wallet containing a lot of money. Much to my husband's disgust I handed it in because I know what it is like to be really poor. As my husband said: it was a pointless thing to do. My satisfaction comes from the hope that the person who lost it, found it. And if someone stole it - well, it's not on my conscience.
Does that make sense? The satisfaction from doing right is a big part of the deal - otherwise what's the point? That is your reward. And if that counts more than a physical reward, surely that is a good thing.
Say you're saving someone's life by donating a kidney. That must outweigh any minor self righteous feeling - the pain, the worry and the concern over your own life. The seriousness of the situation is more important than the feeling of self satisfaction with one self.
So no, I don't agree with you. I think the self gratification comes after you do something good. No one goes around saying "I will feel good therefore I donate my kidney" - unless they're mad.
Do you understand what I mean?

Answer 4

Yes, of course we are (in the sense that you mean). Your point about giving to charity encapsulates it perfectly.

It's not worth wringing your hands over this - it's just the way we're designed, or more correctly, the way we've evolved. In fact, we WOULDN'T have evolved if we hadn't done things to make US feel good.

Consider this scenario: you buy something in a shop and you get excellent service. Later you phone the shop and speak to the manager (without giving your name), and tell him what a good experience it was, how helpful so-and-so was, and so on. So-and-so gets a pat on the back.

Altruistic or not? Well, it's for your own benefit, as the shop staff will be encouraged and you'll get good service next time.

Or let's say you buy, oh I don't know, maybe a pair of shoes from the Farnsbarns Shoe Company. You really like them, and you go round telling everyone how good they are, putting up posters for the Farnsbarns Shoe Company, putting ads in the paper saying how good the Farnsbarns Shoe Company is, and so on.

OK, it's a bit extreme, but you get the point.

You're giving the Farnsbarns Shoe Company free advertising all on your own time, at first glance for completely unselfish reasons out of the goodness of your own heart, but in fact you're doing yourself a big favour. You want the Farnsbarns Shoe Company to prosper and keep making shoes so you can buy them, don't you? So, you're not so daft.

Bottom line: being good to others helps everyone, including ourselves.

Answer 5

Your question and many of the answers seem implicitly to subscribe to the idea that there is, in principle, a single right answer to the question "are we selfish". I suggest that we (ie humans) are in fact all different. Some of us feel a great sense of the importance of the individual, that our life must be focused on ourselves, and that if we give we are entitled to security and a return with interest. Others of us have a broader view and regard our children, and perhaps other near kin, as on a par with ourselves, and will truly give without counting the cost. Others of us extend this further to include friends, to include our tribe or nation, to include the whole of humanity, or even to include some or all of the animal kingdom.

This dimension of difference between people, is I believe, not due to a deliberate difference of philosophy, but due to genes. In evolutionary terms, the optimum position to occupy on the individualism-collectivism axis is indeterminate, some species go strongly one way, some strongly the other way, and some use a mixed strategy. I believe that humans fall into the latter camp. So, the answer to your question is that we are all different in how selfish we are, some of us are more selfish, some less selfish. Look closely at your own behaviour life to date, look closely at the behaviour of others over the period you have known them, and I think you will be able to work out where you and they lie on this axis. How do you think this affects the quality of relationships?

Answer 6

It many way's we are all doing things for self gratification but not everything is done for that reason. As any parent knows you would die to save your child now that is not a selfish thing to do. If anyone saw a child on the road and there was a car approaching fast that person would not think about their actions but they would probably out of instinct jump on to the road to save the child. They would not even consider the possible reward from it or the fact that they may become the badly injured person or even may get killed. So although we are selfish in a way I believe some things are done purley on instinct.

Answer 7

What do you think to many people in England give more than there share in charity maybe not in service or time i went to college to train as a mentor to work with young people which a do around five hours a week then all the training on top i could give a fiver or tenner here and there put isn't being with a young person more valuable than that odd note i do the work voluntarily it is more rewarding and self satisfying than a grubby fiver Dave

Answer 8

I think it began in the dawn of human evolution - imagine a frail little biped among monstrous predators. Like all animals, humans had a strong urge for self preservation. As societies evolved, the immediate physical threat receded from the instinctive to the emotional level, and self-preservation became selfishness. Surprisingly it is more manifest among the richer societies... the poor will still share their last morsel of food with another desperate soul. Perhaps the western worship of individual over group has brought selfishness (self-centredness rather) to an art form. Flip channels and you see the inane shenanigans of American soaps, while hundreds die in Iraq or elsewhere.

Answer 9

Unlikely as it may seem, this issue was covered in an
episode of Friends! The conclusion drawn was, as you say, any so-called selfless act is carried out to make ourselves feel good. Not that there's anything wrong with feeling good about yourself after doing a good deed. Also, I don't think every good deed is carried out in a premeditated way. If I saw an injured animal on the side of the road, I would do everything I could to help it - not to make myself feel better, but because I love animals and couldn't see any other option. If I just left it there, I'd feel awful indefinitely - what's the point in that?

Answer 10

You raise a popular point.

However I would suggest you look at it this way: Is there any meaning to the concept of selfishness absolutely? Ie, is there any such thing as a totally unselfish person or even a totally unselfish act that we can point to as a yardstick? Because if there is not, it is going to be very difficult to see selfishness as anything but relative.

Once you establish selfishness as relative in nature (like 'big', or 'hot'), do you see the difference this makes? I will leave you to explore this on your own.

Answer 11

Selfishness, in the dictionary , this is described as, Concerned with
or directed towards one`s own advantage first, without care for others, I would think that there are many in this world who fill this description, others who want to be seen to be helping others for the glory of recognition, the so called heads of Charity who get very highly paid, the celebrities who give shows solely for the publicity taking money for it, any donation They give they get tax deduction on , the real selfless people are like the Salvation army, various groups who feed the poor , others like the CAB who do it for nothing, Yes,, asking the question raises others which is there for all to wonder, are they them selves in one category or under self less, caring for others and not one self