Is it true that the first year of marriage, and the first child, are the hardest times in a marriage?

Question

I've heard this several times. Do you find this to be true? Hubby and I dated for 2 years, and during our engagement fond out I was prego. We decided to go ahead with the wedding on our planned day, even though I was 9 months prego at the time. Needless to say, we became a married couple, AND parents within 2 weeks of eachother. We've now been married 2 years, and honestly, its been awesome. Every aspect of our relationship keeps growing and getting even better that we thought possible, every day. Are we just an exception to the rule, or is what they say about the first year and the first child being the most difficult, a load of crap? What is your experience? How long have you been married, and what do think?

Answer 1

I am married 3 months and its all good so far, everyday is a discovery and we dont fight as much as when we were just dating. I think the 1 year rule is just about couples who didnt date long and arent good at communication. I asked my parents who are married 28 years and they said the first year might be difficult to adapt to financially but emotionally its good. The fact that I grew up as one of 5 kids made compamionship easy to deal with and I think people who are generally detached socially will have 1 st year marriage difficulty.

Answer 2

We've been married for almost two years and have a 14month old child. It has been by far the hardest year since the birth of our child. We are trying to work on the marriage, but we almost decided to divorce recently. We had become so preoccupied with work, school, and the baby that we forgot about each other. The most important thing is no matter how much stress or obstacles get in the way, don't forget to love each other and remind each other that you do love each other.

If you can, try and plan a "date night" every couple of weeks or so. That has helped us a lot. Good luck!

Answer 3

I've known my wife for 7 years, we've been married for 3 years. And yes, that statement does not apply to us at all. The first year of marriage was an awesome time, we've not spent one day apart since then and I still can't get enough of my wife!
Now we have a daughter who is almost two years old. After she was born, I can't say that it was the hardest year...but it was challenging, and we enjoyed evey moment. The first month was difficult only because we were adapting to the new lifestyle because, I'm sure you know, having a child changes your life drastically...but in the best possible way.

So, basically I am saying based on my experience and other couples around me...that rule is a load of crap. I'm not denying that it happens, but I wouldn't say it is a rule...

Answer 4

Well, I would say that you're still in the "glowing" phase of marriage. In most cases, the first year of marriage is perfect. As you continue down the road, though, you're going to have problems. If you love each other and are willing to compromise and take your partner's feelings into consideration, you're going to have a successful marriage. If not, well, sorry. So, to answer your questions: First year of marriage the hardest = bullshit in most cases. It can be hard, especially if you haven't lived together prior to this, but it can also be exciting for the same reason. The main reason it would be hard is because you haven't yet had to work together financially to secure your future together. My experience is none, really. I'm just fairly knowledged in the workings of relationships. It's not rocket science, just feelings and willingness to cooperate and compromise. Haven't been married, but I hope it all works out alright. Your child will be lucky to have parents like you if you can work together for the future of all 3 of you. Arguments are an unwillingness to listen. If you really think about the other side, you're going to understand more. So, think about his/her side before thinking about a counter-argument. Good luck.

By the way, what I always heard is, "If you put a bean into a jar every time you have sex during the first year of marriage, and take a bean out every time you have sex after the first year, you'll never take all of the beans out of the jar." That's the only first year of marriage saying I've ever heard.

Answer 5

Well I am a newly wed and I am going to tell you this it is a beautiful thing to be sharing your life with someone that you love but I think that there would be the bad times and if a good marriage a lot good times. In my marriage my husband treats me as his new girlfriend all the time so he could never get tired of me and I doubt that he would. We are around each other 24/0/7 we work together in our jobs and our business and we have no kids yet but one on the way. Although we are around each other this much one thing is we don't run out of things to say to each other and we indulge in each others hubbies.
Who ever told you that tale about your first year of marriage and first child would be the toughest is crazy. I must admit that getting use to your husbands likes and dislikes when living together would take sometime to adjust to and having a first child without any experience is going to be a little bumpy but as I said you would adjust in the matter of a month or even weeks. I think that the first year is the most precious year because you ge to do a lot of firsts and make a memory.

Answer 6

I have been married 10 years and although i was also pregnant when i got married we didn't find it hard at all in fact it was our second child that was hard work for the relationship. She is now 4 and we are happier than we have ever been, we seem to be going from strength to strength. The key to a good marriage is honesty. But remember all marriages go through rough spots.

I feel however that we also are the exception to the rule. Most couples we know seem to live separate lives. So maybe you are right maybe you and I are the exception to the rule.

Answer 7

Congratulations. Actually the following years are difficult one's. 1, 3, 5, 7, 10, 14, 18 are the years that generally are most difficult with the 7th year leading the pack for divorces after the 3rd year of marriage.

People just need to work hard in a marriage to see that it is in constant growth mode.

Answer 8

It might be a little hard coz u have a few things to give up. but the first year and first babe, are the best things a married couple could ask for. The love is still fresh and the experience is new, what could be boring about that.

Answer 9

well it happened to some couples.there are lots of reasons why the firsrt year are the hardest to some others.my experience are when my wife gave birth to our child she became a post natal depression which i do not understand.we too got married when she was 7 month pregnant.one problem too is when after she gave birth she became too big and the birth mark on her belly a less appealing to me.because of the post natal depression we argue most of the time.my attitude towards hers changes so dramatically and hers are vice versa,.i guessed one has to blame for that marriage break up.you are lucky bco you both have a good understanding of each others.once i read on the magazine that elvis stopped sleeping with priscila after the birth of liza marie.so i guessed its takes two to tango.

Answer 10

Depends on the couple, how flexible, willing to truly commit, same libido and easy going etc. Those times can be challenging but its often midlife crisis, addictions (gambling, drug, alcohol), loss of job/finances and teen children that cause the most stresses. If you are in the honeymoon phase...that helps transitioning and shouldnt be too stressful, if you are lucky enough to both be inlove.