I'm wondering what percent have zero tolerance for infidelity .....
2007-02-19 18:11:20 · 17 answers · asked by burlingtony 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
betrayal causes one to see that person differently than u did before, it isn't that u no longer love that person, u are most afraid of being made a fool of again, and investing more love only to get kicked in the teeth again, so most people would rather not even take the chance. personally it would just not be possible to go back and ever make it work again, once they cheated on u, the trust would be gone. taking someone back does not insure that they won't do it to u again, as i think people repeat these patterns, it's just who they are, its part of their character.
2007-02-20 01:31:35 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have to say I agree with End Game on this one. People do things that they would not normally do for various reasons.
I always said if I cant trust you I don't need you. Then I was faced with it, slapped right in the face with a husband that went looking for something he wasn't getting or thought he needed. I don't make excuses for him. He was wrong in the worst kind of way.
He hurt me more than I will ever be able to put to words. Its been a year now since I found out and confronted him with it.
Every day I think about it. Wonder if it will happen again and when I don't know where he is or he is gone longer than expected my imagination takes off. We talk about how I feel and I don't pretend that its all ok. I have a lot invested in this man and my family, so just throwing it away because he screwed up wasn't something I am ready to do at this point.
Yes I hurt and he destroyed my trust and I do look at him differently than I used to. I don't hate him for what he did, I hate the mistake he made.
Only time will tell if I made the right choice by keeping my family together. I pray that I did.
2007-02-19 20:41:48 · answer #2 · answered by sheryl e 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Cheating" is not as simple as the word might imply. There are always circumstances and what those circumstances are, is what decides if it was "cheating" or "a cry for help," or a "pain killer."
Often the spouse who is "cheating" is really just "hurting" and is seeking a pain killer. Anything to ease the emotional pain "they feel" in the disappointment in their self or the relationship.
An example of disappointment in a relationship would be when he/she puts all they have into making it work and the other party is oblivious to the love offered and whether intentionally or not, just throws the love away. That makes a person feel hopeless and then someone else comes along, like a doctors second opinion, and says hey, I can make you better..... You see, the "cheater" could just be looking for a pain killer and is not behaving out of lust or sexual dissatisfaction.
And, based on research, it is common for, women especially, to feel less than perfectly attractive to their spouse because there are always so many other women out there who are looking great. It makes women incredibly insecure and that is why it is my opinion that women cheat, or have more partners, than men. They just can't help but to give it up when someone expresses interest in them because of their insecurity. That's why it is very important to always treat your woman as if she is a queen. She will never cheat on you if you treat her right.
Same goes for men, but in a different way. Men need lots of enthusiastic sex. That is the entire play book.
2007-02-19 18:32:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I put up with this for many yrs but finally had enough. I fell out of love with him and in love with someone else. And I don't feel guilty or feel this is wrong. I don't care what anyone says. No, I don't think most women have zero tolerance for it. They will usually hope for change. I think more men than women have zero tolerance for it. Even though they have probably done it.
2007-02-19 18:32:57 · answer #4 · answered by crazywoman88 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in love. Have been for the past 12 years to the greatest guy in the world. Seriously. He does all the cleaning and he is totally satisfied with a bowl of white rice and butter for dinner. I totally lucked out. I met him when I was 17 and we haven't spent a day apart since. We do everything together. I know couples who rely on working different schedules or spending time apart to keep their relationship working, but we are just the opposite, we rely on spending as much time as possible with each other. I honestly can't imagine our lives seperatley. Now with all that said, if he cheated on me, as devastating as it would be, I would have no choice but to leave. And because I love this man,is the reason I could not stay. Why? Because I am just as good a person as he is and I don't deserve that. Because I don't want to freak when he is 5 minutes late or when he doesn't call. Because I know women who have stayed and I don't want to be that woman. I saw my parenst go through it and it was devastating. They tried for about 10 years, but no matter how hard my mom tried to forget, she couldn't. She told me her love for him grew cold and full of resent. She didn't even feel it happen, she just woke up one morning and stopped pretnding she was over it. So how do I know I could leave? Because my father cheated on my mom. He wasn't my husband and he didn't cheat on me. When it happened, I was 19, and I didn't see or speak to him for 2 straight years. But it was hard meeting my Mom at the mall, or at a restaurant and I missed going home to see her, so I gave in. But I never loved my dad the same again, I never trusted him again. I may never see him again and I'm OK with that. For the last 10 years, I was indiffernt to him, now I don't have to be anything to him. So, if I can stop feeling love for my own father who actually did mean alot to me before the affair, then I know I could do the same with my husband. It would hurt, but I would do it. Since it is such a cowradly act, I have no respect for cheaters, not even the one I called dad.
2007-02-19 19:57:49 · answer #5 · answered by lisa-loo 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is not anything that anyone else can decide for you but if you allow it once, you have opened the door to more of his infidelity. IF he has done so, then you have the right to divorce him and remarry according to FATHER ALMIGHTY. I would do so and allow him to leave the house with the shirt that he is wearing. Everything else should be yours! This decision must be yours, not ours. I hope that you make it quickly and forcefully. I am sorry that he has done this to you. I hope that you have a great week.
Eds
2007-02-19 18:19:24 · answer #6 · answered by Eds 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I really hate to say it, but it really depends on the extent of cheating, and if it was a repeated thing. I would definately leave if it happened again! I think everyone deserves a second chance...depending on the circumstances.
2007-02-19 18:26:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
i can sit here and pretend and say yes like everyone else.. and i used to think that but once i was in love it was competley different... you just cant let go , you hope things will get better and it was a mistake you make excuses. I forgave my ex GF its a mistake i know but its hard to let go when you are in love.
2007-02-19 18:17:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I guess it depends on how much i love this person and how much time i put into the relationship, who he cheated with and for how long. its hard to say, if i was with this person a short period of time or he messed with my family member i probably would leave him.
2007-02-19 18:25:58 · answer #9 · answered by fallen_angel 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Been there, done that, got two ex-wives. Life is too short not to trust and respect the person closest to you.
2007-02-19 18:28:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋