Am i too hard on my daughter?

Question

I have a daughter in her teens and presently has a boyfriend. As a mother, i guess its just but natural to guide her and protect her from a very early intimate relationship with a guy. I trust her but i also fear of what might have happen. I want her to finish college for her own good and enjoy being single without any responsibilities (having a child) at a very early age. Sometimes, i feel that i over react and is too exaggerated. What is the proper way to remind her very often of the importance of education and disadvantages of pre marital sex...You see, i got pregnant at the age of 19. So i knew how it was to be a teenage mom.please help me..i dont want this to happen with my only daughter...Thank you in advance...

Answer 1

Tell her how getting knocked up at that age was the biggest mistake of your life! Oh wait.....

Answer 2

NO you're doing fine. I would hope that if i have kids someday i'll bring them up just like u. The truth is that many parents let their kids get away without helping out and when the kids are older like in their teens and don't help out the parents get angry and yell at the kids for not doing anything around the house. So if kids are taught from a young age that they have responsibilities then when they are older it wouldn't be as hard for parents to get the help they need. Maybe though since she's still young instead of letting her do it alone u make it fun where u help her make her bed put away her toys letting her do it alone every other day. But i applaud u for being such a good parent i hope that she continues to make u proud and also becomes a good parent like u. To all parents reading this let me tell you once you have kids you're no longer living for yourself but for ur kids so put some real effort into it cause when u let ur kids play all the time when they're young then they expect you to leave them alone when they're older. (that's how they see it) So Teach them from small and when they are old they shall not depart from it. Not only your girls ppl your boys too must help.

Answer 3

The best thing you can do is NOT make her feel like she has to lie to you. Even if this means you have to listen (and not freak out) to stories about her love life. Also, take her to the GYN and let the doctor decide if she needs birth control or not.

I have a 13 yr old daughter. I listen to the tales she tells about kissing and light touching. It makes my skin crawl and when she's not around I flip out, however, should she ever get in over her head I know she will come to be because she feels safe telling me.

My philosophy is this, you can't stop them (teenagers) from having sex, but if you're smart, you can still protect them. This doesn't mean encourage them, but I know when I tell my daughter she is going too far with a boy she listens because I usually don't judge her at all and she knows she's crossed a line she needs to get back behind.

Also, a few episodes of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit should traumatize her enough to make her think twice about sex! (haha)

Answer 4

I think the first thing to do is to sit down and have what I refer as a 'deep and meaningful' with your daughter. Talk to her calmly, not as a mother-to-daughter, but just as one woman to another. Ask her what's happening in her life, about school, relationships, etc. Explain your concerns for her while emphasizing your belief that she will be responsible and do the right thing. If she wants to, offer to make a doctors appointment for her, so she can ask some questions and discuss birth control with a neutral 3rd party.

Try not to sweat the small stuff. Don't get too worked up about stuff like kissing her boyfriend. Try to maintain your relationship with her as an involved (but not overpowering) and loving person she can come to to discuss any problems she might be having or any questions she might have.

Personally, I always found that I responded better to my parent's faith, and my wanting to not disappoint them encouraged me to do the responsible thing more than any lecture could have.

Answer 5

I can only say what I would do with my own daughter. If you tell her not to, forbid, give ultimatums, she may well rebel and go that route to spite you. I would sit her down and give her options, lovingly, calmly. I would tell her that I wanted to talk to her about life, tell her what could happen if she chose to do drugs, or have premarital sex, or engage in dangerous conduct. A, B, or C. I would tell her that none of these things may happen, but that's a great risk and that probability is not in her favor. Then, I would explain that the choice would be entirely hers. She knows the risks, she knows the options and the possible outcomes. After that, you have done your job of informing her and you can only hope and pray that she makes the right choices. I did this with my own child at a very young age - who is now health conscious, doesn't smoke, drink, do drugs, and has only been intimate with one person, at the age of 20. I can't take all the credit, but I do take a large portion of it. My best to you and your daughter.

Answer 6

I don't think you are being too hard on her. But, maybe you should tell her the story of how you became pregnant and how difficult it was to raise a child when you are just starting to experience the world yourself. Explain that you don't want the same to happen to her and tell her how much she means to you. AND if she starts to get really intimate with a guy and they start spending a lot of time alone I would start limiting her time or create new rules, remember that you are the mother and she is the daughter. She is going to make mistakes and regret doing things, it is part of growing up. BUT your job as a parent is to protect from as many of those things as you can. Good luck and keep parenting well.

Answer 7

Well, this is the problem with new world, teens have sex, woman carries child, father has another child with another woman...19 is not so bad to have a child, my mom was pregnant at 15, married to a 38 year old man...thats the 70s alright, but she also stayed 10 years with him and had 2 children.


There is this song I know and this is a part in it....translated from french, ill try to make it rime

-Your great great grandmother had 14 children of her own
and your great grandmother had almost as many, wow
And your grandmother had only 3 it was enough
your mother didnt want any, you were just an accident...tough
And you, my sweet girl, you change partners all the time, when you do stupid **** you just save yourself with abortion
But some mornings you wake up crying
when you dream of a table full of children in that time.


Of course there are other parts of that song that shows how grand parents worked and children do nothing to keep their traditions. Like a

great great grandfather, who he picked dark pennys, and your great grandfather, he herited that and he cultivated raspberries,
your grandfather he herited and became millionaire
your father gave it all away to become functionaire
and you my little boy, you do nothing of your night, you just sit and watch tv, while smoking little bite.

Answer 8

I think the best way to help her is for you to talk about your own life experiences with her. If she can understand how your own teen pregnancy affected your life choices, maybe she will gain perspective. Also, explain the dangers from STD's that weren't as prevalent when you were her age, and maybe you can scare her into chastity. If worse comes to worse, having her stay in a committed relationship, instead of with many people, would be desirable over other possibilities.

I don't know what your spiritual point of view is, but attending a prayer service (and possibly having her go with you) would help. Prayer never hurts!

Answer 9

This sounds like my mom and I. She was 19 when she got pregnant with me. She had to learn that I was going to make my own mistakes and not hers. As long as you put an emphasize on what you want for your daughter she might see that you mean it and try as best as she can not to get pregnant early and to finish high school. If she does make the same mistakes that you made then you can say that you tried your best. I don't want to have kids until I am married and I want to get a Ph.D.

Answer 10

r u close to your daughter?
Try to be more close to her, coz this is a vulnerable age for teens . and they probably can't think properly.

Try to do things she like with her. Like maybe go shopping, or watching a movie.
Try to find time with her and have a real one to one conversation with her.

Tell her that you care a lot for her. You know she knows how to take care of herself, but people costantly need reminders in thier life to do better and excel .
Like, adults make mistakes too. Tell her that you ve been through this kind of bf- gf relationship before and can foretell what is going on, like maybe kissing or touching each other could lead to more things, and what is going to happen to her furture?
Is the guy reliable ?
Have you met him?

Try to ask your daughter and invite him on a family outing, maybe to the beach or dinner in a restaurant,
get to know the guy and judge.
Let him know abt your concerns too.

Answer 11

since she is in her teens , she is old enough for her first GYN visit to talk with the doctor privately about her activity, if there is any, and birth control if needed. Make it a special event for the 2 of you to bond. Have lunch and go shopping after. My friend and her daughter did this and both had an appointment on the same day.