I have a 28 year old brother who,until Christmas,I had not seen for six years,mainly because of geographical distances,but also because we're not the closest family.Anyway,this year everybody met at my mother's house for the holidays.When I walked in,my brother was sitting on the couch,dressed as a woman,wearing women's clothes,and makeup.
I have to admit I freaked out.I began yelling at him,demanding he "get out of that ridiculous ****" and made a lot of very nasty remarks.To make a long story short,I ended up leaving and driving the 300 miles back home.
Since all this happened,I've talked to my sister,who told me our brother is transgendered and I've researched it and kind of understand it.I have tried to call my brother and talk to him about it,but he refuses to peak to me at all.
There are a lot of things I regret about this,the first being I hurt a member of my family so deeply.And I also regret that I can be so homophobic.
2007-02-19 17:51:50 · 4 answers · asked by Zapatta McFrench 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I am glad that your question is HOW to get him to listen, and not WHAT should I say. I seems that you are truly sorry for what went down, and do want to apologize to him.
Since he won't listen to you, ask another family member to intervene. Select the one that you think he will listen to. Maybe your Mother, or your sister.
Explain to them that you have since done research on the subject, and that you are not as ignorant about transgendered people now, and you wish to extend your apologies to him.
Have them tell him that you feel bad about how you reacted, and you would really like to put this behind you and be brothers and "sisters" again.
Maybe your brother will listen to them long enough to realize that you do now accept him as she is ?
I think if you are sincere in talking with the family member that you chose to help you out, they will be able to convey the message in a sincere manner.
If things don't work out, remember, you may have been out of line (which you now know), but you had done the right thing to learn more about the situation, and tried to mend the fence. You may have to just give him a bit of time in order for him to come around to you.
Wishing you luck,
Nota
2007-02-19 21:55:24 · answer #1 · answered by Nota LGBT 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with most of what Nota says but would go a step further. Send the letter to him that not only apologizes but says you are willing to accept him as he is. He has to know you would be shocked - I can't believe that your mom did not forwarn you or he has not brought it up before. I think that time is the best healer but he has to know that you are taking the first and second steps towards reconciliation and that you admit you were wrong. Using another family member to break the ice was another good suggestion worth following. Hope it works out.
2007-02-20 06:37:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him, who the hell wouldn't be shocked at first of not seeing him for the last 6 years,even the Priest would react that way but not to the extend cursing him much. Ask that you didn't meant to hurt him. It's just scare hell out of you and stop your homophobic attitude, doke? and you will be okay! thanks.
2007-02-19 21:10:19 · answer #3 · answered by javo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if seeing him in person is hard because of distance and he won't talk to you on the phone, write him a nice long letter.
2007-02-20 04:39:53 · answer #4 · answered by Tony 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋