Soon-to-be-bride...any marriage advice?

Question

Just any advice for marriage. Better to learn before hand than the hard way. Thanks!

Answer 1

There are a few things I've learned in my 20 year marriage. The main thing is that, and I'll sound cliché but, you will NEVER change him. He is who he is. Sometimes there is room for negotiation on some aspects, but don't count on it. Marriage or any long-term relationship is hard work, if you want it to last. He may take you to the brink of booting him out the door along with all of his stuff that he leaves laying around, but in that moment, try to remember why you married him. No matter how angry i get at my husband, if i let myself calm down and think about it, he really is my best friend in the whole world. There is no one else who knows me like he does and no one else who sees me at my most vulnerable and it's OK. I've had to ask him to do some things for me (physically, when I've been sick or had surgery once) that in the moment were pretty humiliating. But there is no one i know, other than a dr./nurse, who i would want to do those things. We take care of each other.

On the other hand, you are not responsible for his actions, and he not for yours. You have to practice personal responsibility to a great extent. It's not always going to be a bed of roses, and there will be times when you think you just can't take it anymore and want to leave. If possible, get away from each other for a few hours. Calm down and think. Remember your wedding day, remember the birth of your children (if you have any at that point). Think about how your life would be w/out him. Think hard. Really hard.

Always be honest, no matter how much it might hurt.

This won't be popular, but I'm blunt and a realist and i consider this to be really important. You should also know when not to stay in the relationship. If it's abusive, get out immediately. You will say, "but he's not like that, and would never do anything like that." So many things can happen over a lifetime and we don't always know how we're going to react to some situations. If it happens and he gets help, maybe there's a chance for you, but protect yourself and your children if you have any.

But I'll end on a positive note. Marriage can be a lot of fun. This is someone who you have decided to spend the rest of your life with. Laugh at yourselves when you make silly mistakes and have fun with each other. I also recommend having time with just the 2 of you before you have kids. We were married almost 5 years before i got pregnant and it was great to have that time for just the 2 of us. Our son is now 15 and we're looking towards the "empty nest" syndrome. As much as we love our son and love spending time with him, we already have more time to ourselves again, and are enjoying it.

Be honest and respect each other.

Lastly, don't go to bed angry at each other. Neither of you will probably get a good night's sleep. Have a great life together.

After having read all of the answers before mine, i'd say, take ALL of them to heart, no matter which one you pick as the best answer. I found myself thinking, yea, they're right too. Well, i'm not religious, but, maybe you are, so they probably have some good wisdom too.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Know your hsuband well before you marry him. Just remember that if you've already practiced the honeymoon part that doesn't constitute that you know him well enough. Are you both mature enough to handle the bad things that may come with marriage? Here's something that I always heard from many years ago: If you were disfigured beyond repair in an accident and required constant health care from your soon to be love of your life - would he stay with you? Think hard because this has happened before to couples and the outcome wasn't what you would think. Now ask yourself would you do the same for him? Many marriages are based entirely too much on physical attraction and a physcial relationship. Don't make that mistake. Remember that you go from 20 to 60 in a blink of an eye and you really don't look as drop dead gorgeous after 40 years of age is added to you.

Answer 4

1. live by your vows every day 24/7 and never just when its convient for you..

2. Compromise is a huge component in a marriage.. its alot easier to compromise then to fight just to win, u both win if u compromise..

3. Before u get married, talk to him seriously about what he see's in your future, how the kids should be raised, if their are religious differences make sure that u agree on how that will affect your life..

4. A life time is a very long time.. hold on to that giddy cloud 9 feeling as long as u can, because once u lose it and just become content, it tends to become boring at times and routine.. so hold on to the giddy even if u have to force yourselves to do it..

5. Protect your marriage at all costs.. you'll find that there will be negative influences out there, that will try and pull ur marriage apart, it could be friends, family members, or even strangers (ones trying to tempt either of u ) .. realize that the moment u say i do, ur spouse is your Imediate family now, not your mom,dad or siblings, and you have to protect ur marriage from any and all Negatives out there..

6. Remember that marriage isnt a fairy tale.. of romance and excitement.. its sharing a life with each other and there are going to be days where u want to kill each other , days that u wonder if u made the right decisions, days that u would rather be anywhere where else but with ur spouse.. but realize these are normal feelings and they will pass, u will have ruff patches that could last for months at a time.. and u have to both be strong enough to work through them to get to the good times again..

7. You have to faith and trust in your partner and realize although ur living as one unity there are times where u will both need ur own space to live your lives, but remember to always put each other first..

8. Never say things out of anger that u cant take back..realize that a marriage license doesnt give u the right to treat each other any way u want ..

9. Love each other, love each other enough to make sacrafices for "Each other" ..

10. Always do what is right even if it doesnt feel good at the moment.


and if all else fails.. SEX alot of SEX!!!!!!!

Answer 5

Remember that it's about the Marriage...and NOT about the wedding. Make sure to talk about the every day stuff BEFORE you marry. Like...who's going to take care of making sure the bills are paid, or how do you want to disipline the kids, these may sound like silly questions, but people go into a marriage not knowing these things and end up divorced because of these "silly" things.

Answer 6

One of the most common questions spouses ask when confronting a marriage crisis is this: How can I save my marriage if my partner doesn't want to help find a solution? How do I succeed I am trying to save my marriage on my own? Learn here https://tr.im/NojIi

It is a typical enough story: one partner leaves, the other stays. One remains 'in love', the other is uncertain. Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart, the one person who remains bears the prospect, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving his or her marriage' alone.

Answer 7

no. however, the fact that you're even asking leads me to ...feel some sort of "fear" in your marriage and thats not good. i got married way too young. At 19. At that age, we dont even know what real love is, ...even at 25. Real love, the kind thats needed to make a marriage last and be successful, at most time, ..doesnt come without more of lifes experience. so, ..i think there is more to this "story", than what we know, or what your'e saying.

Answer 8

Hi Giggles,
I would suggest that you and he find a Non-denominational Church that follows the New Testament as closely as is possible. I would be certain that they are not placing their trust in other denominations to make decisions for theirs. The thing that is important is that your marriage partner is as truthful and honest with you as you are with him. My wife and I have been married 31 years. We have three wonderful children, one grandchild, and have been faithful members of our church for over twenty years. GOD is a central part of our family life and always will be until our deaths. HE has answered many prayers. I want you to begin thinking about this as soon as you complete this reading. Have a great life together and make certain that whatever he decides in this life that you support him in it.
Eds, Christian

Answer 9

Be loving, caring and always smile, don't go to sleep in a middle of a fight.
Here is a link to some pre marriage tips that may help - http://www.marriageadviceblog.com/pre-marriage-advice-jennifer-aniston-and-justin-theroux-are-going-to-marriage-boot-camp/

Answer 10

Yes, do consider on getting these two great books called, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage".

I challenge you to read these books before you get married or during your marriage. It will save you lots of heart aches!

Congrats to you too!