My fiancee and I are supposed to get married in June, but we are having problems lately. He collected unemployment for 8 months. I went to school full time, bartended until 2 in the morning and still got up with 2 children in the mornings while he slept. His not working was a big problem between us. However, he just started working again, and I thought that everything would be great again, he seemed happy with his job. But now he gets home from work after10 hours, eats supper that I made, and leaves. If he doesn't leave then he falls asleep cuz he's tired. He's never 2 tired to go help a friend Like he doesn't care 2 c me or the kids after being gone all day. When gets home, I have the whole house clean, I still went to school, took care of the kids, and worked the night before, and there is supper on the table, but he will somehow find something to ***** about. Not even a hello when he walks in the door. I am so happy to see him and then he stomps on my heart? Am I crazy or what?
2007-02-19 16:02:26 · 21 answers · asked by mom2cnc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First things first: When he comes in the door from work, you can say a quick hello, but give him about 10-15 minutes to unwind before going to him and talking to him about various things. The man just had a hard day at work and needs to clear his head before dealing with matters at home. He will thank you for that one way or another. I'm sure you like to have the same thing when you come in from work.
About the other stuff: Having a different work schedule does make things tough for you two. However, you two definitely need to have a talk, so find some time when you both aren't doing anything and bring all of that up. Don't go after him like a mad parent or nagging wife. Be calm and just talk about the things that are bothering you, not everything else that has nothing to do with your concerns.
2007-02-19 16:20:25 · answer #1 · answered by brotherb95 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really think that you should be home raising your kids and he should be the one supporting you by going to work. But, now that he is working, you are still complaining about him not spending time with you and the kids, which I understand...but it seems like both of you have your priorities all wrong. Your first priority should be taking care of your husband and kids. His priority should be taking care of you and the kids.
After work, he should be home with you. Do you make him feel welcome when he comes home? Would you feel welcome if you had to come home to you?? He leaves because he doesn't want to be there for some reason. You need to find out what it is.
What he wants is appreciation, love and respect....the same with you. Do you both do those things?
So sit down and tell him your thoughts and make some suggestions, but do this without the nagging and yelling, and be a good listener.
I would consider on reading these two great books called, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". I do challenge you both to sit down together and read them both. You will thank me later!
2007-02-19 16:29:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This proves Woman is greater than man!!!
Is he or both of you in a rut? That's what happens after a few years. You've already don the marriage thing without the papers. The luster is gone. I think you have to stay together for the kids anyway. They don't need to be uprooted it seems they have a stable environment for now. Let that last as long as possible.
But I would not marry him just yet. Put it off. For your own sake stop putting your feelings out there cause you know he is going to step on them, that much is clear! It is miserable to stay in a situation when you feel it is doomed. Just start preparing your heart for the worst. You have to develop your hard shell or you will be miserable daily!!!
2007-02-19 16:06:44 · answer #3 · answered by char__c is a good cooker 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you are crazy...crazy to stay with someone whom doesn't appreciate you or your love. My husband early on in our marriage had some of these problems. First thing I did was stop cooking for him right away. I cooked for me and the kids and put everything away before he got home. You don't appreciate it...perfect eat at your friends house. I would highly recommend reconsidering your marriage plans because as of now...he doesn't deserve you. Write him a note, explain to him how you feel and what you would like to see change. Offer to seek marriage counseling...because the only thing in your future I can see is a big D...for Divorce. It's not an accident or a mistake..when you can see it coming but walk into it anyway. Good luck and I wish you the best.
2007-02-19 16:10:30 · answer #4 · answered by aprildin 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely not crazy! This guy absolutely does not know what a great woman he has...he's got it made! Marriage is forever, is this the life that you want? I know you are probably thinking about the kids as well, but an unhappy marriage would be no good for them either. You need to sit this guy down, have a heart to heart and tell him that he needs to shape up or you're shipping out! If he refuses to change or says he's going to change and doesnt then count your losses and move on because you deserve better. Good luck, this isn't going to be easy any way you go.
2007-02-19 16:09:01 · answer #5 · answered by justpeachee22 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do not think you are crazy..I think there have been so many problems in your life together..that the two of you have lost focus on the most important aspects of your relationship together..being there for each other..loving one another..stop trying to do it all..let the house go for a day..hire a baby sitter for the evening..greet him at the door with nothing except a cooking apron tied around your waist..wrap your arms around him..tell him honey i am glad you are home..I have missed you all day..then serve him his favorite meal...that you should get his attention..it should add some fun and excitement to your lives...if the man stomps on your heart..after all of that..then maybe he is not the man for you..
2007-02-19 17:49:07 · answer #6 · answered by noga 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think you should take some time to think about what you really want and don't want in a relationship, in YOUR life. You are the creator of your own happiness. So, you can't change him. Either: a) accept him how he is, b) tell him how you feel and suggest marriage counseling and insist on mutual 100% effort on both your parts to save your marriage, or c) end it. You decide. And remember, your kids are learning how to have a relationship directly from you.
2007-02-19 16:13:33 · answer #7 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to sit him down and have a good chat about what you both expect from one another as it seems you are both going in different directions at the moment and this would not be good for the future you are planning together or your children, he may just be a little self involved at present and need to come down to earth a bit or he may not even no you feel this way tell him and see what happens.
2007-02-19 16:10:16 · answer #8 · answered by yah yah sisterhood 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if you feel this way you need to sit down and talk with him and ask him if he cares for you or not? See what he has to say before jumping to any conclusions about this. Seek couples counseling too before giving up and letting it go. If all else fails and nothing gets better then break it off and move on with your life.
2007-02-19 16:06:42 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he don't respect you and he needs to respect you or the relationship won't work and he needs to care about you and what you do to if he is not then he really don't care about you you should not have to feel sad when there could be someone better out there waiting for you but if you don't leave him you will stay sad and lose a chance to get with a great guy so leave him
2007-02-19 16:12:09 · answer #10 · answered by stevenbarnes2560 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋