3 years ago before my husband and I gotten married he had cheated on me for the past 2 and a half years that we had been together..but whats sooo hard for me is that I forgave him but I still remember it like it was yesterday...I even try to compare myself with his ex and its just killing me!! I dont know how to overcome this situation..what should I do??
2007-02-19 15:46:08 · 12 answers · asked by Cat 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is not at all uncommon and is completely understandable. However, it can keep you from progressing in life, can ruin your marriage, and can lead to poor health (too much stress).
Since you haven't been successful getting over this by yourself, there may be other factors in your life that are keeping you from moving on, things that you might not even be aware of. A good counseling psychologist can help you get to the root of the matter. I've know several people that needed a little extra help, got it, and were able to reconcile life traumas and difficulties. It isn't often easy, but you'd be surprised how simple some of the solutions can be.
Look for a counselor by first asking around and get opinions and referrals from people that you trust. You may not find the best counselor the first time around, so keep looking for someone that you can relate to and that will relate well with you. Yes, it will cost you, but it will be the best money you have ever spent.
Good luck and get going.
2007-02-19 16:04:39 · answer #1 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you don't need to be comparing yourself to other women. That will instantly affect your self esteem.
I know that it takes time to earn someone's trust back (apparently he earned enough trust from you because you married him), but at some point you have to let go of that and move on. If not, your marriage is in trouble.
Go seek some professional help. Both you and your husband should attend sessions together.
2007-02-19 16:11:52 · answer #2 · answered by brotherb95 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The very first thing you should do is to sit down with your husband and tell him exactly how you feel and how much hurt you are going through. You must also tell hin, if it is really in your heart, that you love him and want to have the rest of your life with him. He needs to understand your feelings and be involved in any measures taken in order to get over the problems. This might be counselling in the first instance. You really haven't forgiven him but you are on the right track by acknowledging your feelings and facing up to them. Never bury these feelings and best wishes.
2007-02-19 16:02:50 · answer #3 · answered by smilingtalker_au 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need counseling and help to let go of the past and to learn how to forgive and move on and get past the pain of what happened to you. You will not even begin to heal until you can learn to let go and start to forgive. This also was before he was married to you. I also recommend you seek marriage counseling as well if need be. Does your husband know that you are still bitter and angry about this? Have you talked with him and told him how you are feeling?
http://www.drphil.com
2007-02-19 15:57:13 · answer #4 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you tell him that you forgive him when you are so not ready to forgive him .So you let him off the hook and you took on all the guilt and grief and blame.You will never get over this until you ask him everything that has been eating at you over the years.He thinks everything is great and you are over it .Did you no that time does not heal all wounds not if you haven't dealt with it so it goes on and on until you deal with it.If you don't talk to your husband about this your heart will never heal and the hole that is in it will just get bigger and the list of questions will keep getting bigger and bigger.
2007-02-19 16:28:44 · answer #5 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so why'd you still marry him if he cheated on you? some men will never learn and the women get stuck with a cheating husband. if you still remember it, then i believe you still have doubts about him and it will be there becasue when we forgive we do it to save our marriage, but if we let everything in the past go then there are uncertaintes about the future and you may likely get hurt again, but if still hold on then it wont be another big blow.
2007-02-19 17:13:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When someone betrays your trust, it's very hard to win that back again. You're probably wondering why? Don't beat yourself up over it. If you know deep down inside that you've done the best you can, then you should have no guilt feelings. He just needs to grow up.
2007-02-19 16:00:25 · answer #7 · answered by Nancy D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u said u forgive ur husband...since u were capable to forgive then le the begones be begones...play it smart....make him feel ur very confident about yourself...don't make him sense u still remember guys really hate naggy women...just have ur eyes opened and make sure he's not cheating any longer....if u cant forget and show him he'll blame u that u dont trust him...ur not givivng him a chance and other shitty excuses men give just to prove u wrong...play smart
2007-02-19 16:02:30 · answer #8 · answered by Meme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ugghhh that must be painful! 2 and a half years!? I don't know sis I would have dumped his **** looong ago. If you can't let go - maybe u should try letting go of him...you may need space from him - that's ALOT on ur plate. PLEASE Don't compare urself to her that's not right.
2007-02-19 16:30:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
we often compare ourselves to the other woman, wonder what it was about her he found so wonderful. just a self esteem issue really. therapy might help u. but u are the girl he chose over her, so she couldn't have been all that. he obviously didn't see in her what he did in u or he would have been with her instead. never compare yourself with her, get your self esteem up, do whatever it takes.
2007-02-20 01:00:55 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋