I think I'm gay, but I don't want to be.?

Question

I'm 15 years old and for the past couple of years i've been sexually attracted to men. By no means do i want to live that lifestye. I don't have anything wrong with homosexuals but I don't want to be this way. My family would disown me if I was. Not just my parents, but my entire extended family. Everyone's very religious and I am somewhat too. Also I see my future as getting married and starting my own family and having children, but I can't see that happening if i'm gay. Is there any way I can change?

Answer 1

if you gay then you gay , its not your choice , your family going to have to deal with it

Answer 2

Yes, you can change. You can change your fear & the stereotype you were fed about the "gay lifestyle". It's not all Pride Parades and drunken wet-jock contests. Some of us own station wagons, pay taxes, and go grocery shopping.
At 15, and in this situation, it's not very safe for you to consider this. For now, just focus on getting into college, so that you can be around a broader range of people. I assure you, you can lead a productive, healthy, spiritual, connected life as a gay man. You can even have kids. Some people's family disown them, some come around. Personally, I am a Godfather to my friend's baby. And I am a VERY involved uncle. My partner (of 15 years) has MANY MANY religiously conservative family members, and when they saw how "normal" (and even boring!) we are, they really relaxed.

Also-- you don't have a lot of choice in the matter. You are what you are. The most you could do would be to try to supress it for a while. But that would be VERY selfish to the woman you would marry, and the kids you would sire. You would be so unhappy, and it would show.

Please stay hopeful and know that there is a good, healthy life out there waiting for you.

Answer 3

When I was fifteen, I figured out that I was a lesbian, and coming from a family of sincerely religious folks, I realize how hard it can be. You can still have a relationsip and have children a gay person. If you try to deny your "gayness" then you will just end up stressed, unhappy, and hurt. Being gay isn't a religion and it isn't a lifestyle, its a biological function that prohibits you from being attracted to the opposite gender. You can't change what you're wired to be, but you can learn to accept it. If you need to talk, you can email me at [e-mail].

When I was your age, I wanted the same things, well close to. I didn't want to be married, but I feared being "excommunicated" from my family because I couldn't love who they wanted me to love. It sounds so stupid, and so corny, but that is what all young GLBT people feel. You are not alone, (**Twilight Zone music plays**). But on a more serious note, don't try to change yourself. You are beautiful for being whoever you are made to be, and celebrate it. You don't need to tell the world you're gay, its not worth it. Just live life as you were meant to live it, and don't let the gender of your partner get in the way of your desire to raise a family. You're not even at the point in life yet.

Answer 4

You can suppress your feelings lead a heterosexual lifestyle, marry and have children. Many gay men do. You will never lose your sexual attraction to men, that is part of you. You may at some stage want to explore that further, that is up to you. Don't feel guilty if you do. You can't change your sexuality, that is who you are.

It is up to you how you deal with it but there is nothing and no-one that can change you any more than you can change your height or the colour of your eyes. There are some religious groups that claim to be able to change the sexual orientation of people. They can't. You will put yourself through needless and useless distress by trying.

At 15 you don't need to make decisions about your life, you have most of it in front of you. Don't label yourself as anything, just take things slowly and see how it works out.

Answer 5

No honey, there is probably nothing you can do. I believe that homosexuality is biologically based. Speak with a trusted adult like a teacher or guidance counselor. They will help you sort out all of the related issues (fear of family reactions, religion) and perhaps help you become better prepared to discuss this issue with your family. I know that you are scared, but have a little faith in your family. They may surprise you. It may be a little rocky at first but if they believe in and trust in God, they will love you and accept you just the same. Just because you are gay does not mean you cannot live a successful, fulfilling life. You can still have a long lasting and loving relationship and children! There are lots of babies out there that need a loving couple. When you finally discuss this issue openly, you will have a tremendous weight lifted off your shoulders. I hope everything works out for you. God bless!

Answer 6

Honestly, no you can't change. You can choose to live in the closet -- not be true to yourself, marry a woman, and pretend for life -- but the feelings won't change -- they are what is normal for you.

One thing, for the sake of honesty, if not for your own sake -- really, honestly, it isn't a lifestyle. It simply is what one is. Even if you intend to spend your life suppressing it - which is entirely your right, whether others understand it or not, I would ask that out of a basic sense of decency you discard the language that is used as propaganda -- and that is false to start with -- and acknowledge, just for the sake of other people who CAN be happy with what they were made, if not for yourself -- that is a life, not a lifestyle.

I also hope that you can find it in your heart to keep your "I don't have anything wrong with homosexuals" attitude. For a lot of men like you -- watching other men who can live out their lives honestly and in joy gradually boils over into rage -- and rage boils over into homophobia. I am glad to see that you are, apparently, beyond that. I hope you stay that way.

Kindest thoughts,

Reyn
[e-mail]
http://www.rebuff.org

Answer 7

Breathe - take a deep breath and breathe...

being 15, there is probable some sex attraction at the moment and this could be just a phase... depending on how early or late you enter puberty.

Just be patient, learn, grow and experience life, continue your education and if all else fails, seek a counselor who you can trust and be open to you.

However, if you are gay... seek a support group to grow safely and with others who identify the same as you.

You are not alone... and you don't have to go through this alone.

Answer 8

I'm gay too (19). I remember during puberty I started having the attractions. Then I read in a Men's Health magazine in where a guy said he was gay but lived a straight lifestyle, kids and all.

I figured "That is my solution"

But it is not that simple. Unfortunately. I don't know what God has planned for me or why he wants me to be so confused like this. I think all people are precious and should not have to suffer like this. But we must try and learn and understand why.

You say you have nothing wrong with homosexuals. You do, their homosexuality. I do too. It is ok to admit this.

I am very religious too. I think it is important to be honest with yourself. Just don't live a lie. This does not mean give into your bodily urges, but give into your hatred of your bodily urges.

You can only do that if you admit you are gay and admit you hate it.

I'm sorry I have no further advice.

Answer 9

Believe me, you have A LOT of time to let this one ride. Don't obsess over your sexuality - and don't think that you won't find people of both sexes attractive. You are not under the gun to make a decision. Give yourself permission to grow up, learn who you are, develop your mind. The last thing you want to do is leap into any sexual direction at 15. (The goofball in American Pie apparently found pies irresistible.) Don't be concerned with change, concern yourself with finding out who you are.

Answer 10

accept who you are. Im bisexual and tried to deny it for years but in surpressing who you are you will only suffer. Beside you can still have children (hopefully as the gay civil rights movement makes gains to allow for gay adoption.) How can you follow a religion that say being gay is unnatural when science prove its very natural. There are gay animals in the wild are all those gay animals going to hell too. Don't change who you are as it will hurt you in the end

Answer 11

unfortunately theres nothing you can do about it if you are gay.

you can also stay in the closet if you want, even till your late 90ies. but ill guarantee you it is not going to make you happy. and that is what life is all about, being happy, being loved, and having someone you love.

theres also nothing wrong with 'that lifestyle'.id recommend you go exploring a bit, get in touch with other (religious) gay people. there are many support groups out there jsut search the web.