I've read a similar question/answer, however, there is someone I love, who I've been with for awhile. He is secretive about things that don't seem relavant. It has driven me so nuts that in the past I started digging to find answers. He keeps such a large part of his life separate and guarded from me. At first, I suspected he was cheating, but to my relief, there is no cheating. So why the need to keep things secret?
I know men and women are different and we have a hard time understanding each other. I am also private where others are concerned, but isn't it supposed to be different with someone you have an intimate relationship with?
This is not a trust issue. Just a point of frustration. Any help would be appreciated. I've tried to ignore this, but it has really driven me nuts. I just want to understand it so I can move on.
2007-02-19 11:04:22 · 12 answers · asked by lilshark111 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I've read a similar question/answer, however, there is someone I love, who I've been with for awhile. He is secretive about things that don't seem relavant. It has driven me so nuts that in the past I started digging to find answers. He keeps such a large part of his life separate and guarded from me. At first, I suspected he was cheating, but to my relief, there is no cheating. So why the need to keep things secret?
I know men and women are different and we have a hard time understanding each other. I am also private where others are concerned, but isn't it supposed to be different with someone you have an intimate relationship with? We've been quite serious for almost two years.
This is not a trust issue. Just a point of frustration. Any help would be appreciated. I just want to understand it so I can move on, and be supportive.
**to answer your questions, he says he's just private. I don't want to tear him down, I just want to understand the huge need for privacy.
2007-02-19 11:40:19 · update #1
Your boyfriends behaviour is perfectly fine. Consider that first. There is no one way to be in a relationship.. There is only how you are. Usually when I am upset or fustrated oversomething I look at self. Why should his behaviour have you feel like this. Perhaps there is something you are not telling him.... I know for somebody like myself. If a person doesn't tell me much about their background even after i've shared about mine and asked questions I steer clear. However if you are committed to this guy explain to him wht the importance of him being open is for you... ie why u find it fustrating and in turn what it could do for your relationship if he was open about these things.
2007-02-19 16:53:26 · answer #1 · answered by xxmequik 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's scared or you haven't known each other long enough. Not everyone wears their heart on a sleeve, and probably just as well. All the mystery would be gone in a flash! You're on a learning curve, I think. Just take your time and use your intuition. Perhaps your approach feels threatening in some ways? He needs to trust you totally.
2007-02-19 11:23:58 · answer #2 · answered by Ruby Red 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe cause he's been hurt in the past, or maybe he feels if you know too much you will figure him out and he doesn't want that. if hes' not cheating on you or hurting you then let it go your just going to start playing with your own head and drive your self nuts. or worse you may lose him
2007-02-19 11:20:56 · answer #3 · answered by BROWNLYN 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They want to hide their past they arnet happy with it .Family tend to make you want to forget how you grew up .Maybe those issues he wants to forget about and start a new life .The problem youll have later is when you have children and the family is not there to help.Ask him questions about his family .Most men dont brag of there ex,maybe hes not had really any relationships but just doesnt want to seem like he was not into girls.Some guys just dont communicate.If you dont like that you shouldnt marry.Communication is the number one thing in a relationship.Maybe it doesnt seem like it when your young and in love ,but it is!
2007-02-19 11:17:27 · answer #4 · answered by Gypsy 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I believe because they have learned that when they were open and shared their thoughts they were criticized. That could be a conditioning they have learnt from their childhood.
They dont tell anyone what they are going to do and nobody stops them from doing it. Tell nooone what they think and noone can say they are being stupid.
2007-02-19 20:27:32 · answer #5 · answered by marvelous_mad_madam_mim 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Often a result of insecurity/ deep-down lack of self-confidence. remember real love is UNconditional. Try and be patient, and supportive, and have a laugh. Examine yourself.....is there anything you yourself are 'holding back on' in the relationship?
all the best-sw
2007-02-19 11:35:07 · answer #6 · answered by sarahbean 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Have you asked him why he keeps secrect? He may have been hurt really bad before so he guards himself against it. It truly might have nothing to do with you or your relationship. Maybe he has a crazy aunt...that he doesn't what you know about.... or maybe he is married, or gay. Basically you won't know until you ask.
2007-02-19 11:09:48 · answer #7 · answered by shetaz5360 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Aw. What deep seated SHAME, GUILT and EMOTIONAL PAIN cause people to do/shutdown!
Answer: Defense Mechanisms. We ALL have one or two.
2007-02-19 21:40:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, perhaps the person was hurt in the past, and they have not learned to fully trust you yet...or maybe he finds that you want to know every thing he does, and he does not like it?
2007-02-19 11:07:42 · answer #9 · answered by diamond_moon 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I am and it is because I only like people to know what I want them to know.
2007-02-19 11:08:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋