i have been with jim for 5 yrs and he has been divorced for 6yrs.jim has joint custody with his ex of his 8 yr old "jen".jen loves me and i love her too.the problem is her mom hates me and treats me like a criminal/outsider.for example one time there was a issue at daycare and jim wanted to put his ex on speaker phone so i could hear and she was like NO WAY. i am not to have any contact with her school,doctor,freinds ect.not only does jim allow this to go on but his does not see this as a real problem even thru he knows this bothers me alot.his mom told me(and she agrees with me)he just does not like to fight thats why he will not say anything to her,but we fight over this all the time.he would rather fight with me than her?he told me the reason is his child,he does not want to make it difficult for her.
2007-02-19 10:17:34 · 12 answers · asked by marymackey678 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
just to add he left her but i had nothing to do with it.how should i handle this as we are getting married next june
2007-02-19 10:18:37 · update #1
I would think this thru expecially since you are thinking about marrying him...I understand why he does not want to fight with her but she needs to understand and accept the fact that you are his fiance...soon to be wife..I wouldnt not only blame her its him also...he needs to act like a man_
2007-02-19 10:22:53 · answer #1 · answered by Chickybabe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going to marry Jim and the Drama?You do not have a say in that relationship.I would never marry if I were not the Queen Bee.Good luck in the marriage,you will need it.You have been with him 5years and you still have no say.No one would dictate anything where yours and Jims relationship is concerned.She is the EX...Not the boss.When the child comes to visit, go somewhere else.
2007-02-19 10:39:27 · answer #2 · answered by Maw-Maw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As it was told to you, this is kinda tough, and you do need to stay clear, the ex can make it rough for him to see the child. Which will put undue stress on her. Make no mistake about it though, the ex's will always try to belittle the new woman in his life. Happens like clockwork, most women, you CAN set a clock by this, thats the way it is. Just let them get it straight, and be there to support him. Let him do the doctor, daycare, all the personal stuff and just go along for the ride. It will eventually work itself out, even though it will be tough on you, you just have to chill and let them work through this. Now, if he has the ideas to have you do this personal stuff, and you know it will cause conflict, then its up to you to tell him to take care of this, no matter what the situation is, he'll have to talk to his ex or do it himself, dont stress out over this, its all to easy on your part, you need to stay out of that, like I said earlier. She has put you in a position where you have no say, so, let them do it all, really thats all you can do. Good Luck.
2007-02-19 10:32:54 · answer #3 · answered by tennman012000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Screeech stop! before you talk about marriage with Jim you should resolve this problem with his ex-wife first!!!. It seems to me that Jim does not have the courage to stand up to his ex wife because he fears her wrath. Jim needs to put his foot down and if i were you i would not get married until this problem is resolved. Believe me dear it is not going away when you get married it will get worse!!! Being engaged to someone who was formerly married and who has a child is a very delicate matter. Jim needs to tell his ex-wife that she doesnt have to like you but respect you cause I'm pretty sure if his ex-wife is seeing someone she would want Jim to respect her boyfriend. Finally get counseling before you say I do!!!
2007-02-19 10:38:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to tell you this but ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. The best way to get along is not interfere,DO NOT pass judgment be there for Jim when he needs to talk but you do not need to put your two cents in.If you want the relationship to work (you need to stay in the background)The mother has every right to feel this way because it is not your child.If you continue you will give the child unnecessary issues.the speaker phone thing is very childish-You'll understand when you have children of your own-good luck
2007-02-19 10:27:10 · answer #5 · answered by vox179 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont think he scared of fights, think he scared of losing his daughter but the best for her is if u all got on (or at least civil).
probably not going 2 happen with his ex being the way she is but he needs 2 stick up 4 u, maybe explain 2 her that jen loves u...perhaps thats what she jealous of though
2007-02-19 10:25:11 · answer #6 · answered by Lol's 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
with out even reading the rest of this that is why he is un ex to her why do you fight with him for what she does remember why argue with a three yr old?? just think of her as a three yr old. hopfully she finds a bf soon and don't play into her game if she says don't talk to school then say ok if that is how you feel...
2007-02-19 10:24:43 · answer #7 · answered by jane h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he stands up to her and upsets her, seeing his children WILL become more difficult. That's just the way custody stuff goes. You just stear clear of her and keep the peace. Him seeing his kids is the #1 priority.
2007-02-19 10:20:38 · answer #8 · answered by aprilandroland 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has to learn to stand up to her. He is probably trying to avoid confrontation with her to spare their daughter. Don't try to push him, but gently encourage him and build his self esteem. Be his friend and companion. Be a good mother figure for his daughter, but don't try to take her mother's place. In time, things will get better for you.
2007-02-19 10:23:14 · answer #9 · answered by fly guy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he doesnt stand up for you, then he doesnt care about you much... he needs to get a back bone!
2007-02-19 10:22:31 · answer #10 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋