Proofreading Help Please!~!! english Essay... Tell me if this is a good fist paragraph!!! more parts to come!?

Question

this is my first paragraph.. please hlpe me fix it.. i need it to sound perfect.. more parts to come soon... it was to be a discriptive essay of what would be a hell for me in a first person narritive.. this is what i have.. spell check too please~!
It was as if it was yesturday, the most horrofying day I remember ever living. I found myself tied up to a chair, so tight that i could barely breath; needless to say, I was uncapable of screaming out for help. Someone had planned to make me life a living hell and so, I was. The darkness of room added to the suspence as only light came from a tiny window, way up high, on the wall. The only thing in sight was the muddy floor my chair was placed on. I knew, from what i saw, that anything, I could be expect, and so, it was.

Answer 1

Okay.. first, the paragraph is a little cliche, and very indescriptive. You're being very general describing the room (its dark). You're grammar and spelling is a little off as well...

Consult http://www.msgarrettonline.com/descripwords.html for some very good descriptive words to guide you. Below is your paragraph corrected with a few additions..

(I deleted the first sentence on purpose.) Tied to a chair, I was gasping for breath, and found no words to scream, no cries to blare. I had awaken to a nightmare, unsure of my whereabouts and as to how it was I got there. I heard cockroaches flitting across the floor, maggets oozing their way across my feet. There were no windows; the room was unadultered darkness. I ****** my head to the left and thought what I believed to be a door...a way out. A faint light shadowed the bottom of the door, and it was my only hope of escape.

Answer 2

I remember it as if it were yesterday. It was the most horrifying day of my life. I was tied up in a chair so tightly that I could barely breathe. I was incapable of screaming out for help. Someone had planned to make my life a living hell and had succeeded. The darkness of the room only added to the suspense. A dim light came from a tiny window high up on the wall. All I could make out was the muddy floor that my chair was placed upon. I had a terrifying conviction that I could expect anything, none of it pleasant.

I'm sorry, I didn't start out to do that much rewriting. I got carried away. I only intended to correct the spelling. By the way, it's descriptive, not discriptive and narrative, not narritive.

Answer 3

Corrections and suggestions:
It was as if it were yesterday, the most horrifying day I can ever remember living. I found myself tied to a chair so tightly that I could barely breathe; needless to say, I was also incapable of screaming for help. Someone had planned to make my life a living hell and was succeeding. The darkness of the room only added to the suspense since its meager light came from a tiny window high on the wall. There was little in my sight beyond the muddy floor upon which my chair was placed, but I knew from what I could see that anything I might expect would be terrifying; and so it was...
(The last part of your final sense did not make sense to me, so I attempted to figure what you meant and rephrased it; I hope that what I've written will be helpful to you...)

Answer 4

spelling/grammar corrections:
It was as if it was yesterday, the most horrofying day I remember ever living. I found myself tied up to a chair, so tight that i could barely breathe; needless to say, I was incapable of screaming out for help. Someone had planned to make my life a living hell and it was. The darkness of the room added to the suspence as a light came only from a tiny window, way up high on the wall. The only thing in sight was the muddy floor my chair was placed on. I knew, from what i saw, that anything I could be expect, and so, it was.

what exactly are you trying to say in this paragraph? because i don't think it means much.

Answer 5

YOU NEED TO FIND SOMEONE THERE TO HELP YOU. YOU HAVE ALOT OF SPELLING ERRORS, BUT, YOU HAVE A GOOD STORYLINE. ON THE FIRST LINE YESTERDAY IS SPELLED THUS. HORRIFYING IS SPELLED WITH AN I. BACK UP TO: IT WAS AS IF IT WERE YESTERDAY ; IT WAS THE MOST HORRIFYING DAY I CAN EVER RECALL LIVING. I AWOKE TO FIND MYSELF TIED TO A CHAIR SO TIGHT I COULD BARELY BREATH; NEEDLESS TO SAY, I WAS INCAPABLE OF SCREAMING FOR HELP. WHO COULD HAVE PLANNED TO FRIGHTEN ME LIKE THIS-AS MY MIND CLEARED I REALIZED I WAS IN MY OWN LIVING HELL. THE DARKNESS OF THE ROOM ADDED TO MY HEIGHTENING TERROR BUT THEN I NOTICED A SMALL WINDOW HIGH UP ON THE WALL BESIDE ME. THE ONLY THING IN SIGHT WAS THE MUDDY FLOOR MY CHAIR WAS PLACED ON-AND I WONDERED WHO COULD HAVE PUT ME HERE AND WHAT COULD I EXPECT NEXT? YOU NEED SUSPENSE BUT THE STORY MUST FLOW, USE ; TO SEPARATE TWO THOUGHTS. ALSO ARE YOU WRITING ABOUT YOUR MOST TERRIFYING EXPERIENCE OR IS THIS A STORY, IF IT IS A STORY DO NOT USE THE FIRST LINE AT ALL, AND BEGIN WITH: I AWOKE TO FIND MYSELF TIED UP TO A CHAIR... THIS GIVES THE READER SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO; DID SHE MAKE IT OR NOT. THE LAST PARAGRAPH YOU WILL REVEAL...THE END.

Answer 6

Mr. Meehan promised to have a hearing on the Military Readiness Enhancement Act. The bill calls for the ending of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Consequently, endorsement for this bill has been strong, 121 members of congress have sponsored this bill to end discrimination against gays. The military is a place where honorable men and woman should be able to serve the United States with dignity and respect. There are approximately 35,000 gay troopers who have been called for military duty. Americans should not criticize these people; they should be treated as any other soldier who is putting their life on the line for our country. They should held in high regards. After all, these men and woman fight for America’s freedom and equality everyday, why should their freedom and equality be taken away.

Answer 7

Never start a story with "It was as if it was yesterday." You shouldn't use "Once upon a time" unless you are going to make a classic. The story very well could have taken place yesterday so just say it like that. "Yesterday was the worst day I ever had." Why not put a date? "It was February 18th, a day that I will live in horror." Good luck

Answer 8

wow thats really good btu there are some spelling errors

Answer 9

Good very. You thank?