read my poem, i just wrote this on the spot, i could have been way more creative?

Question

i'm ready to give up, i've tried 4 years and just can't take the heartache so i'm resigning, asking 4 my pink papers or whatever
the stormy wearther is being replaced , 4 sunshine beaming on my face, and the cool breeze of loving my self, so keep your looks, bedroom skills, and your wealth, tired of second guessing myself, i don't even see the reason of loving u unhappily, tired of being lonely, sick of the chase, so put an ad out for resumes,of a girl thick waist and a pretty face, to replace via me, my happiness is suffering,I'll probably go on missing those times, noticing signs that i couldn't see while in the middle of the relationship, but looking back its so clear, i want it to work, i want to start over, and though i can try to wish as hard as i can, and duck dodge every obstacle, so though i can be replaced, ...
"Looking for a
complexion caramel,
5'5
hours worked all day all night,
weekends,
must be a unanomius vote from my friends,
and blah blah"
...its the end

Answer 1

poem??? sounds like ur life story and also personals add looking for a thick chick....good luck with that..but good anywayz..

Answer 2

I quite liked it. I thought that some of the metaphysical imagery was particularly effective. Interesting rhythmic devices too, which seemed to counterpoint the surrealism of the underlying metaphor of the humanity of the poet's compassionate soul, which contrives through the medium of the verse structure to sublimate this, transcend that, and come to terms with the fundamental dichotomies of the other and one is left with a profound and vivid insight into whatever it was the poem is about!

Answer 3

on the spot to write you say that is how I write anyways... so hope you know I did not cheat this is not a former poem, keep and for sure many will come before my words for all to ignore I love to force the rhymes you see it drives the poetic critiques to the sea out of mind and empty heads I must go now, of aching neck yes, this is on the fly as I say something you should try to do today! :) *Granny Jill Rocks!*

Answer 4

Okay, remove everything before "the stormy weather" and everything after "can be replaced" and then you might have something. Try to work on the flow of it. I think it is creative, but it sounds "street" or politickin' rather than poetry. Keep practicing you'll get the hang of it.

Answer 5

i got a bit confused towards the end (because it feels like there could be a lot more), but overall it moved nicely. sounded almost like musical lyrics to an up tempo rap beat. you've got the creative bit down, just work on making it a complete work.

Answer 6

This looks more like a rant than a poem. Using "4" instead of "for" is corny beyond reason. Whiny. I'm sorry I wasted time on it.

Answer 7

I really enjoyed that, that was great. I loved how you focused on the "little" things. I think yoiu should look at structure more, try and use structure to add another dimension to your creativity

Answer 8

ok i didnt bother to read it

but i suggest u dont post ur ideas on here as someone will steal them

Answer 9

i'll give u an E for effort, but that pretty much is weak.

Answer 10

I think you could do better.