Would 3-5 beers a day and hiding going to bars constitute an alcoholic?

Question

My bf likes his beers. I used to have a problem w/ him drinking even one, but now understand many people like to come home and have a beer or two. The problem is that I think he is going to bars and lying to me about it even though I said I didn't mind, just don't lie about it, and don't do it every night. If I had the freedom, I'd like to do it also.

We have a son together and I like him to come straight home from work to have some help. Many times I'll call and he doesn't answer his phone (usually around 6pm), only to have him return my call a few minutes later and say he is on his way home. He said he's been working, but he's always home in about 15 min which is about how far away his favorite bar is. I ask him, and he says no.

For anyone thinking he's cheating, this is not of concern to me. Just the question of alcoholism (hiding, 3-5 beers daily). Feedback would be wonderful. Thanks.

Thanks for the responses so far. The 3-5 beers is what he drinks when he is home. Although it may not be imperative, some seem to be missing the fact that I told him it was okay to hang out after work, just not every night. I would if I could.

Answer 1

Well he is cheating, alcohol is his love and you my dear are his mistress. You may mean as much to him as the alcohol, but you don't mean more. He's going to lie to you about it, he's lying to himself. He knows he has a problem, he knows it's not normal to drink like that, and I'm sure it doesn't feel good to have to lie and sneak to do what you want. So, I would suggest that you get real with yourself and admit the fact that you are in love with an alcoholic. Your decision is will you accept him as he is, or is this not what you want. If not, leave. You need to take care of you, he sure won't. But if you have tolerence for it, leave him alone. Your choice sweetie, and I know it's a hard one. Best wishes to you.

Answer 2

I would be concerned less with whether or not your boyfriend is a potential alcoholic (does his drinking interfere with his work, or other aspects of his life -- besides your relationship with him -- which I will touch on in a bit) and your relationship with him.

How do you know that he has 3-5 beers a day? Does he drink that at home or are you assuming this because you assume he is at a bar?

What I think is more important is to look at the nature of the relationship. Every person deserves some free time with themselves or other people besides their significant other. I do not think socializing a bit after work is terrible. Why does he need to come straight home after work? Getting home at 6:00 PM is not the worst thing in the world. Have you addressed the issue (not the drinking, but his coming home late) with him?

Perhaps you could compromise with him, set up which days he can hang out a bit late or maybe even offer to meet him at the bar (you can get a babysitter) to socialize once in a while and see what he says.

Answer 3

I'd say he's well on his way. Sadly he has to recognize the fact that he may have a problem, you can not do it for him.
Ultimatums do not work, so don't try them.
It seems to me that you need to make a decision as to how you want to spend your life. You say you have a son, which I am certain you love more than anything. So now you also have to ask yourself is this how you want to raise your son?
You can not change a Alcoholic or their behavior, but you can change your world, and take the necessary steps to move away from this life.
Sometimes a Alcoholic needs to lose what matters the most before they are able to see they are indeed in need of help.
I hope this makes sense. Good Luck to you

Answer 4

I would say alcoholic! He drinking almost a six pack a day. You worried about him drinking and driving. If he's at the bar then he has to drive home like you said. I don't know where you live but .08 is the legal limit in Virginia. 2 beers will put you over that so 5 beers is legally very drunk. Advise him to slow down a bit before you really have a problem

Answer 5

He may not be hiding the drinking part, but rather just being away from home and having some time to himself. If you have already told him you don't want him to do that and want him to come straight home from work, then he is probably hiding it just because he knows you don't want him to do it.

You can judge better than me whether his drinking may be a problem. But it sounds a bit like you may be pressuring him to be home. He, as well as you, need time away from family/work. You should try to make an arrangement with him, like, Fridays are his night and Sundays are yours.

Answer 6

Could be. Alcoholism doesn't have a pat answer. Sounds like there may be a problem and you need to figure out where you are enabling. It doesn't always feel like what you might thing the word enabling means, but a good Al Anon will help you. Look for them through a search engine.

Answer 7

Yeah technically if thats whats happining thats an alcoholic.. but I gotta point out... If you were always calling me and demanded i come straight home after work etc.. It would drive me to drink even more than i do already.. (which is considerable)

Answer 8

He's the only one who can decide if he's alcoholic or not.
Suggest he find an OPEN Alcoholic Anonymous meeting and listen to some talk. He'll get an earful.
Good Luck!

Answer 9

If not, he's knocking on the door -- if'n you're wrong, that just means
that he's a hopeless drunk. Either way, it's a problem that needs
fixin ASAP . It can and does get worse.

Answer 10

I would say bordering alcoholism. He isn't a full0blown yet, but he's definately headed there, and there isn't much you can do to stop him. He needs to figure out that he needs help and you can't do that for him.