Help, my son is 13 and completely disinterested in school...?

Question

He is a great kid all-around. He is a good kid, an athlete and always scores in the top percent on his State tests, but his work ethic is not very good. If he likes something, grades are great, if he doesn't or doesn't like his teacher, he will just not do homework, ect. Its only 8th grade, but his high school grades are important . We have taken his video games away, grounded him, ect. This is a pattern that has been going on since kindergarten. I wish his grades were better, but sometimes I think if this is our biggest problem. I'll take it. Any ideas on how to motivate him?

Answer 1

This is really common with bright kids like your son. This is how I might approach it. First, I might cool it with the grounding and disipline because ultimately you can't make him do his homework, he has to want to. Tell him that life is often about spending time doing things that may not interest us, in order to provide us with options down the road. relate your experience with work or school. give examples. grades are important because with the rising cost of college, and how necessary a degree has become in the job market, grades are a pretty reliable (and controlable) way to insure scholarships for school...much more than sports. He's growing up and noticing that he can be in control of his choices. Your job is to attempt to inspire the right ones! Get him a big book of colleges, have him look through and pick out his "dream" schools, then have him look at the average GPA's, SAT scores, etc. needed to get into that school. Since he seems bright, I'm sure the thought of leaving home to go away to school is appealing, but let him know that he's in charge of obtaining his own ticket in. Yes it will be hard work, and at times boring and tedious. But teaching him to look at boring tasks as merely temporary, and not definitive of him, then maybe he can get up enough energy to get through it. and sometimes saying that if you just sit down and do it, instead of being angry about doing it, requires a lot less energy and time. and then, well, its done. hope this is helpful.

Answer 2

This sounds exactly like my son. Whenever he is tested he tests above grade level. In class he performs below grade level. I've had him tested for learning disabilities and ADD and neither is an issue. He was just immature. He is 15 now and in 9th grade. Last summer due to poor grades I cancelled his trip to see his father for the summer and enrolled him in summer school. He knew that I would do this so it wasn't a surprise. He did very well in summer school in both Math and English. Once he started grade 9 he knew I meant business. He seems to take a little more pride in his work now. I stress to him everyday that everything he does in secondary school will affect which school will accept him when he graduates. There are still issues but it is better. I check his homework every night and stay in contact with his teachers.

He is also only allowed 30 mins of free time each evening on the computer, after his homework is done. The computer is in an office off of my bedroom so he cannot use it unless he has my permission. Unless he is doing research for an assignment I think 30 mins is pleanty. He loses this priviledge if I receive notice that homework wasn't completed.

When I receive good comments from his teachers or he brings home a great mark on a test he receives extra privledges. I also tried grounding and taking away his dvd player etc. He just didn't care. But he sure loves an extra half hour on his curfew or my paying his way to a movie.

I have never expected "As" but always look for the comment that he pays attention and does his best. He is not a staight A student and I dont expect him to be. His marks aren't nearly as high as they could be yet, but he is at least receiving the class median or slightly above. And the phone calls home are much less than they used to be.

Hang in there.

Answer 3

Punishing your son may not be the answer. After awhile, the punishment scheme gets old and your son just doesn't care anymore. It's time to take the next step.

This is the age where your son feels he has more going on for him than schoolwork - his friends, crushes, popularity rating, sports, etc. He may feel like schoolwork is last on his list, and if he doesn't enjoy the teacher, subject, etc. then he may use it as an excuse to slack off and shove the work away even more. This is not acceptable.

The purpose of school is to learn and educate yourself for the future. Yes, it's also a good place to make friends and join extracurricular activities, but that's not the main point. If your son cannot get his grades up, he may not be prepared for high school, which prepares him for university/college and his career. Remind your son of this often; it sounds like he needs to be reminded that his future is in his own hands.

8th grade is also what helps determine what classes you should take for high school, so it is important that your son meet the mark and go beyond if he expects to acheive acceptable grades in high school.

Ask your son's teacher(s) if there is anything you can do to motivate him.

Tell your son that he may not continue to do extracurricular activities until he shows signs of putting forth the time and effort to complete his homework. Ask him to show you his completed homework once he is finished. You mentioned that he was an athlete - let him know that he will not able to continue his sports unless school comes first. Even if he wants to be an athlete when he grows up, remind him that athletes still need a brain filled with knowledge in their heads!

It's important that your son realize he will not always like his teacher or the work he has to complete. He will have to grow up and interact with people he may not particularly enjoy being around. School is a great opportunity for practicing these skills.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Does he keep a master assignment book? Do you have access to on-line assignments from teachers? I would sit down with him right after school and review what has to be done for the night/weekend. You should be able to figure out which assignments he DOESN"T want to do. Make him do those first and bring to you completed work - just for a quick review. Then he can bring the other work. You might even dole out the textbooks or the assignments.

If there is no way to find out his assignments then I would ask all of his teachers to email every week or every night.

Answer 5

Look, taking his videogames away is not very good of an idea, I am 14, and also completely disinterested in school, my mom doesnt know why either...

-My teachers are some stupid bastards...my mom doesnt believe me, she says its my fault and only my fault if I have bad grades...Look, yes, sometimes you have bad grades because you're bad, but sometimes, for example my french teacher, is completely ignorant, I failed because I was doing an oral presentation on the second world war, and apparently jews getting burned and made into buttons and soap is false...I HAVE WITNESSES FOR ***** SAKE!!! MY GRANDPA WAS ALREADY 15 YEARS OLD DURING WAR!!! ....or my biology teacher that clearly hates me, like this time, we were having a test and the educator called me, (It was a short test)...so she called me for like 10 minutes in her office, and when I come back, I finish my test and give it to my teacher...''You did not give it to me when I asked you to'' then I said its because the educator had called me. ''No, no, don't lie to me. I had asked you to bring it to me'', seriously she never did, and if she did, I wasnt there, because it was total silence when I came back...so I got away with a 57 in my grade... And then the worst part is, she says I don't give her my tests and works, so she has to put me 0...and the worst part about it, is that I hit like 90s in national exams


Another problem is bigger guys hitting me and throwing stuff at me, chewing gums, money (a penny.), sticks, rocks...cause I am chubby...

I don't want to go to school cause I have no friends, and it is very annoying, because for me, everyday is the same... boring day...and this is why your son might be disinterested in school, his teachers might not like him or people at school bully him...honestly I have no friends and get picked on all the time, but I don't really care, its like if I didn't feel emotions, something that to a normal person would be really painful, to me is nothing...and just now, I realized that when the psychologue in the school said: its impossible for you to not care....I was always like, really, its no big deal...it was at first...and now I am completely careless...

ah well....your son is probably getting bullied at school, but won't tell you because...he has his motives.

Answer 6

my son is 13 and he has the same thing going on. other than that hes the best kid ever.i do get onto him about his grades in some subjects. we tried all the same things. I think maybe its just a phase.but i did have the teachers email me, about his homework, so if he didnt come home with books that day, i would know. so between that and making sure he sets aside homework every day, hes doing some better.so good luck .

Answer 7

it is just a stage that he is going through. just keep on him and keep on him. that is pretty much the only thing you can do. maybe try setting a specific time aside for him to have to do his school work each day. i always did it when i got home from school so i wouldn't have to worry about it for the rest of the day. other than that, just hang in there, he should get passed this and go back to the way he was before. hope this helps. good luck.

Answer 8

well if i were u i would give him lots of freedom (sounds weird right) but i did this with my daughter when she was 12 and she learned to do it on her own when i tell her to do somthing it makes her not want to do it and it will probily take awhile but since he's being treated more like an adult he will prolly act more lik one o and u should try this for at leaste a month because it takes i little bit for him to transition also u have to realliz that punishment will do nothing because u cant control his work ethic he has to do that on his own so ur job is to make work more apealing good luck

Answer 9

i too, feel your pain.... everyone says 13 and 7th grade are hard.... but when i talk to other moms, their kids have all made the honor roll... its so frustrating....
i had to sit my son down, threaten summer school, and just have a heart to heart... they need to straighten up now... cuz its not going to get easier...
good luck!

Answer 10

If he doesn't like school, he's not going to do his work. Only he can change that. Maybe he doesn't realize that he's going to graduate high school soon. I just noticed that I'm graduating in three years. You should remind him that he's growing up fast and it is only going to get harder in high school.