because I am so darn lonely. My husband has been totally unaffectionate for years. We've talked, argues, seeked counseling. It all doesn't work. He says he just isn't an affectionate person and that I can't make him into something he's not. When it comes to sex it's wam bam! He doesn't seem to need or desire affection like I do. Sex leaves me feeling used and abused. Now we sleep in separate bedrooms. He takes care of his sex on his own I guess. Now it's come to the point where I desire attention from others. I feel guilty about it. I am still in hopes my husband will wake up. But at the same time I want affection and romance. So, I look at other men, but none of them seem to even notice me. What am I supposed to do? Seems noone else wants me nor my husband. I'm not an ugly duckling. I'm farely goodlooking. I don't smoke nor drink. I'm not loud or abnoxious. What do I do.....I just don't know anymore. I guess go crawl in a hole somewhere and bury myself!
2007-02-19 04:59:42 · 8 answers · asked by delorisjp 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your husband is NOT going to change. He's right. You can't make him into something he's not. You need to decide if you can live with it or not (and it sounds like you can't). The next step is to end this farce of a relationship and get on with your life. It sounds like you have made every effort to make your marriage work. The only mistake was getting married to someone who did not meet your needs. Do not make the same mistake twice.
2007-02-19 05:14:50 · answer #1 · answered by Debbie D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its been years. It isnt going anywhere. Looking elsewhere isnt going to do anything but make you feel guilt. Actually not looking but DOING with others will. No hurt in just looking.
I have a friend whos husband had never ever kissed her. NEVER. Even when they were dating. He said he just was not affectionate in the kissing area. Not even his kids!
She asked for a divorce because the marriage was not all that, even without the affection there were other bad qualities.
I dont mean to put ideas in your head but has he always been like this or is there someone else helping him along nowadays?
2007-02-19 05:09:44 · answer #2 · answered by chiara 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me we tend to get what we give. Now, don't misunderstand, I am not trying to get you to feel bad, but instead am trying to get you to understand that if you are not getting the attention you crave, maybe you should try giving more in order to receive more. You may have to start small considering normalcy for you now is not receiving attention. Smile when your husband talks, giving him your undivided attention, flattering him on jobs well done, flirting with him, teasing him, having fun. Expect to receive from him the attention you would like to see. And give him the attention you would like to receive. You apparently had it at one time, and although it may seem like it is gone, it is definitely retrievable. And trying to find validation in another's arms will not answer your need. Be the lover to your husband that you want him to be to you. And start with baby steps.Good luck and best wishes.
2007-02-19 05:27:27 · answer #3 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him just how you feel and only you know your own situation best so you will half to decide what to do whether stay and play the field or find greener pastures somewhere else.
good luck
alort
2007-02-19 05:23:58 · answer #4 · answered by alort40 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being married, and loving your spouse, but having them totally rejecting of sex with you is one of the worst things that can happen to a person. (Sure there are lots of bad things, but this is one of them too.)
There is a support group of people that understand what you're going through because we are going through it too.
2007-02-19 05:26:30 · answer #5 · answered by JRSK007 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get a divorce. Ask yourself why you stay with him. It isn't a marriage anymore. You simply have a roommate!
2007-02-19 05:08:15 · answer #6 · answered by StrawberryShortcake 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well you could meet someone like me who has the same problem. and kill 2 birds with one stone.
2007-02-19 05:11:29 · answer #7 · answered by igiveup 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
..go blonde.....guys will notice you then....(they cant help it, it is programmed in their head like some sort of chip)....lol...
2007-02-19 05:04:59 · answer #8 · answered by chillie 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋