My boyfriend hits me. i love him, and he isn't always mean, but he's an alcholic. he's got 2 kids with another girl and pays insane child support (right now its bout $275 a WEEK.) he doesn't have any visitation rights yet (lawyers are expensive), but he does get to see them occasionally. but he gets so down about everything, and takes it out on me... i dont want to leave him, i dont know what to do... help me.
2007-02-19 04:55:17 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
If you want to stay with a guy who hits you and takes out his anger on you, then it says something about what you think of yourself and that you value him more than you value you. I suggest you seriously consider going into counseling for your co-dependency problem--because you don't even see it as a problem and you need to be objective. A counselor will have the objectivity you sorely need. Also, look up the word "co-dependent" and see if you have some of the qualities i've mentioned. One more thing--if he's hitting you now, it will get worse. Remember, there was probably as much a reason his wife divorced him as he divorced her. Good luck.
2007-02-19 05:01:46 · answer #1 · answered by heyrobo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well of course you need to leave him, but you won't. You'll stay there and get beat because part of you thinks that you won't find anyone nice.
So, get your butt to Al-Anon and learn how to live with an alcoholic. When he's sober and not on a cruel streak, you might see if he is open to couples counseling or anger management or AA. Don't be surprised when he carefully lays out the reasons that IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT that he gets drunk and hits you. Alcoholics are great at playing the blame game.
And if you think $275 a week is an insane amount of child support, try raising a couple kids on it. Then ask yourself why the mother of those kids doesn't allow him visitation. Could it be that he beat her in front of the kids and was drunk around them?
Your last two words are "help me". Honey, I am deeply sincere when I tell you that NO ONE can help you. You have to help yourself by truly believing and understanding that you deserve better than what you are getting from him.
2007-02-19 05:05:52 · answer #2 · answered by CJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your right. Why leave him. So what that he hits you. So what if he doesn't have visitation rights to his kids.
Did you ever think that maybe part of the reason he doesn't have visitation rights has more to do with his abuse and not due to the lack of a lawyer? What about his ex? Did he hit her also? The only advice and the best advice you can get in this is to leave him.
Maybe somewhere down the road you'll find someone else or maybe this guy will get his head on straight and start being a real man and stop the abuse. Either way you deserve better NOW!
2007-02-19 05:07:03 · answer #3 · answered by The Bird ( *)> 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this but, Get Real Friend!
Any man that hits a woman is only a shell. His problems were there before you and will be there after you. But dont sit there and take it. Take him to AA or check him into a hospital for treatment because hitting a woman does not make his problems go away. It only prolongs them.
You dont deserve to take his anger at the other woman like that anyway. If he wants to hit something or someone, tell him to find a tree or another man that can hit back as good if not better than he does. Then perhaps he will get some sense knocked into him.
Girl, no matter how much you think you love this dude, you dont deserve to be treated that way. You need to walk away and tell him to get a grip on himself, get sober and stay that way, then you will be back. But dont keep going through that with him.
One day that little hit could kill you. Then what? How would you leave your family that way. Get him some pro help girl and get the hell out of there fast!!!
2007-02-19 05:10:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lillucy - i sincerely hope that you will find it in your heart to truly listen to what i have to say. I have been where you are & i have witnessed this within my family as well. It doesn't get better. There's nothing YOU can do to get him to stop taking his prob's out on you. It is him. It's his problem, it's his fault and hon' there is NO EXCUSE for hitting. none. no excuse for violence whether it is emotional or physical abuse it is no okay. (which you have probably heard this before). Please understand that i am writing this from my heart - i totally understand why you are making excuses for his behavior - child support, visitation, etc., all that is stressful of course, but that's no excuse - with his violence & drinking the kids shouldn't be exposed to that anyway. You have to get out. It's hard, i know. But you have to find the inner strength to get away b4 it's too late. The violence escalates the longer the relationship goes on - until there's only one step left on the violence ladder & that's killing you. we all think it can't or wont ever happen to us, but it does....it really does..it happened to my parents...i saw it happen. the drinking&fighting led to homicide/suicide & left me here with all the awful memories & social stigma of being blasted on the front page of the paper.
Please seek some help, call your family & friends, move out while he's gone to work. & once you're out, understand that he is still dangerous, and you must be careful. You may need a restraining order. An unlisted phone number, and cut off all contact......it's the only way. if you ever wanna talk more indepth or whatever, you can send me a note. Anytime. k?
Good luck, God Bless, you're in my prayers.!
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_help_treatment_prevention.htm
2007-02-19 05:12:16 · answer #5 · answered by rjsluvbug 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a dangerous situation. You never know how far an alcoholic will go when they are angry and out of control. No matter what's going on in his life, you should be his partner and he should turn to you to talk things out...not take things out on you by hitting you. I suggest you talk to him about getting some help with his drinking before he really hurts you or someone else. If he's not willing to, then you need to get out of there. Seriously, a relationship should bring out the best in a person and should make both people happy. You are getting the short end of the stick here and are liable to get hurt one day. Take care of yourself first in this matter.
2007-02-19 06:30:09 · answer #6 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any man who will hit a woman out of anger is no good and will NOT CHANGE! You can continue to be his punching bag since "I love him" if you want, but one day, you may end up in the morgue.
You should leave him and make him understand why! Hitting you is not right and you will not put up with it. If you do, well, I'm sorry to say this, but you deserve what you get.
2007-02-19 05:02:52 · answer #7 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him now and leave him a note of why and an untrackable email address and do not meet up with him until he can prove his has changed 6 mos to a year. He can allow One of his friends to give you proof. You are in grave danger. Violence leads to murder even if by accident. You seem to have a deep insecurity that allows you to accept any type of behavior from a man. you don't deserve it so you also need therapy and possibly a religious experience with the author of life Jesus Christ.
2007-02-21 21:56:15 · answer #8 · answered by Vincent W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him.
It may be hard but it;s obvious that is not the kind of person u want 2 spend 4ever with. Take a break and decide on the kind of person u would enjoy spending time with first. Believe me - he is out there waiting for u or probably just going through hell with somebody else and imagining forever with some like u. : )
2007-02-19 05:39:47 · answer #9 · answered by Viaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can give every excuse you can think of, my dear, but there is none for how he treats you. Sure, you might love him...but there is no reason for you to stay in that relationship. If you want to make it work, I would suggest leaving when he isn't there (if you're both living together) and then talking with him and asking him to seek help. If he doesn't want to change, then he won't, and you'll be miserable in an abusive relationship. But if you really must stick around, MAKE SURE HE GETS COUNSELING. No amount of love is worth getting beaten.
2007-02-19 05:00:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋