I'm really worried for my 13 year old!?

Question

I'm worried! My daughter, Cailin ( NOT Caitlin! Kay- Lynn) is almost 14. She'll be 14 in March. I was talking to my one firend Rhonda who is Cailin's best friend Hazel's mother. Rhonda said she is concernd about Hazel. She says all her friends are wanna bes, and she's the only cool one. Cailin doesn't come to me for things, and I didn't know that there was a problem. Cailin has been turning into a prep but I haven' t been worried. I was at the mall, and she ditched her friends to hang out with the popular girls. I really am concerned. Cailin has always been a good girl, never disobeyed me. BUt she stays late at school and won't tell me what she's doing. She goes away on the weekends, and says she's going to Hazels, but she's not there. I don't know what's going on. It could be a boy, but I don't know. When I try to talk to her, she says " GET OUT OF MY LIFE!" She never comes down for dinner! She dis respects me in front of everyone. What should I do? Tips? Thanks!

She also yells at her 5 year old brother, all the time! SHe won't stop she yells at all of us. I asume she's had her peorid because some of my pads are gone. she didn't tell me! She didn't tell me she wanted to shave. I asked her and she just goes GET!!!!

I don't know what to do! Its like she's not in my life, she hasn't showed my her report card for months, I talked to her teachers and they said she's been pretty much normal in school, a little bit more " I'm miss cool" but not too bad

Also, I am 32 and she's like MOM YOUR SO OLD!!! Am I old??? I had her at 19! I thought that was young

Answer 1

ha, you're not old. I wish my mom was as young as you. I'm your daughter's age and it seems to me like she's got a little case of "attitude-itis" oh, and "prep-enza". See, you're the kind of mom whose young and can kinda relate to us. With the attitude she probably thinks you either won't understand or get mad at her for whatever it is she's doing. For trading up her friends you really need to talk to her about that. You need to let her know that the only reason she should "trade up" her friends is because their interests have changed and reasonable stuff like that, not just to be popular. As for the preppiness, there are worse things. Emo isn't exactly healthy and ghetto can get you into alot of trouble. But I warn you she might be annoying and say "like" alot.Expect to spend alot more on clothes as fashion is always changing. Ask her what's wrong, and talk to her like a friend rather than a mother for a minute, because to be a good mother, you need to be both, and I think you're trying, but she might not be trying to have a bond with you. Plus I would kill for my mom to be as young and cool as you are. You used the word prep! That is cool by my book.

Answer 2

Oh Honey! My heart goes out to you. First off- if she has started her period, she could very well be too embarased to tell you. As for the other stuff...any chance she is having days where she yells more than usual? I mean, could she just be PMSing or is this all the time? Plus a teenagers emotions are all over the place anyway- remember? Couldn't make you re-live that for money, right? Having said that, the yelling, disrespect toward you, and lying about her whereabouts is a problem. Remember who the Mom is. She doesn't come down for dinner? Who's house is it anyway? A friend had a similar problem and this is what I suggested- seems to be working.
1. Crack down. No more staying late at school, no more missing family dinner, no more lying about Hazel. If she does there needs to be consequences. Be clear on the rules. Be fair about the rules. Be consistant

But..

2. Start making a point to do things with her. You two go get your nails done, have dinner out just the two of you, go shopping, something like that. They are things that would tend to interest her anyway, plus they are out of the house so she can't run off. Do not use this time to rehash her problems or remind her of what she needs to be doing. This is just Mom and Cailin (pretty name btw) time. No stress. After a little while you might be surprised to find she looks forward to these times as much as you do, and she starts opening up to you.

Key of being a parent (or at least one of the 50 thousand heaven help us!) is to show them who's boss...and who their best friend is. It is a tricky thing to give both in the right amounts.
So how did I get to be such an expert? Well, I cheated off my own mom! Good luck and hats off to you!

Answer 3

You'll be fine. If your period is normally irregular, then you dont have nothing to worry about. I am also irregular. I get my period once every three months! But my doctor said that I'm okay. She gave me an option to get on the pill to make it normal but I chose not to do that, due to the fact that I didnt want to gain any weight. Even though I have always been irregular since I was 14 years old and get my period once every three months, I know that everything works down there because I had a baby 2 years ago. And my son is very healthy and I'm healthy too. So if you're like me, then you really dont have nothing to worry about. I hope I helped~

Answer 4

Look as a parent you need to set boundries. Whether she likes it or not. Every child can be reasoned with. If this is becoming a major problem and you believe that drugs, alcohol or sex is involved then you may want to think about getting some help. Talk to a school guidance councelor or her teachers. Find out whats going on. Try to reason with her. Tell her you only want the best. Try to see her side if she does talk to you. Now even though my kids are 7 and 5 and both of them really don't get into any trouble I was like that as a child. My dad helped me back up.

One last thing how are her grades. The higher they are the less concerned you should be.

Answer 5

I have no teenagers, so I am no expert here. But I used to be one and that counts for something. I think its pretty common. Not necessarily normal, and certainly not desirable, but something that will pass. It will. She'll grow up soon enough and be genuinely sorry once she understands where you were coming from. That part may take a while. In the mean time, I would suggest doing what you are doing. Stay as involved as possible with out giving her the sense that she's being smothered. And be as involved in her life,school, friends as she will allow you to be. Coming down too hard on her though, will only beget more rebellion. I have posted some links that may help out in the "how to handle it" department. Like I said... I am no expert.

Answer 6

Stop trying to be the "cool mom" and your daughter's best friend and start being her parent! You are letting her run her life as well as yours. Hopefully, its not too late. But. staying gone a whole weekend and you don't know where she is? How could this happen more than once?

Teens are supposed to test boundaries...and parents are supposed to make sure they do not exceed a safe limit of those boundaries. YOU are failing at this job. Step up to the plate and stop waiting for her to "include" you in her life. She is your daughter and participating in unsafe behavior. If she was 2 and running across a four lane highway, would you stand by and ask "why didn't she ask me first?" Or, would you run after her and make sure she never endangered herself like that again?

Answer 7

Take contorl. It sounds to me like there is something she is hiding. Possibly a boy but maybe somehting much worse such as drugs, alcohol, or something even more dangerous. I would sit her down and make her tell you what is going on. She isn't going to like it but you have to do it for her safty. She is going to resist and she will probably yell at you but everytime she says something you don't like. Tell her she is grounded. Ground her from several things for a long time. Eventually she will come around. Though, while she is grounded I would most certianly make sure she cannot sneak out at night. She might decide to run away or something. Also, her old friends are probably concerned about her too. They have more information than you know. Get a hold of them and explain your situation. At first they may not want to talk to you for loyalty to their friend. If you are presistant enough you'll probably figure it out. I wish you the best of luck and I hope things work out.

Answer 8

Quick reminder: YOU are the parent. YOU are in charge. And until she turns 18, YOU are responsible for where she goes and what she does, so YOU have the right to dictate where she goes, when she goes, with whom, and what she may or may not do.

She's a teenage girl. Teenage girls are biologically programmed to go crazy and rebel against their parents. It's part of the growing up process. During this time she will, at times, hate you, no matter what you do.

Your responsibility, then, is to make she she does the right things, NO MATTER HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT IT. If this means not letting her out of the house in order to prevent her from doing the wrong things, then so be it. Let her hate, so long as she fears.

Good luck to you--it sounds like you'll need it. You're probably going to have a more difficult time with her, since it already appears that she doesn't respect you.

You're going to have to convert her contempt to fear. As long as you make it clear that you love her, and that the boundaries you set are for her own good, and as long as you are consistent, that fear will turn to respect. And as she matures and learns that what you've done for her has set her up to have a better life, that respect will be joined by love.

It's going to be tough, but nothing else you do in life will be more rewarding.

Answer 9

Well well looks like your daughter is running the house not u. You are suppose to be her mom.NOT HER FREIND.You become her friend when she is pass 18.Right now u are suppose to be teaching her responsibilties, and making sure she does what she is suppose to do.Plus respect.It sounds like she has no respect for anyone in your home.You need to put down some laws and soon.Before she is so out of control you won't beable to help her.You need to punish her if she isn't where she says she is.You should demand to know where she is at all times.Plus no screaming at anyone or punish her. That is what a good parent does.I mean really when she gets out in the world. Do u think she can act like she is acting like now and get away with it? Plus why isn't she at the dinner table?It's call courtesy..Something u should except from her.Good luck

Answer 10

Well as a mom you should know these things where have you been??? Why are you not at the school to see what she is doing???
What do you mean your underage child is gone on the weekend and you do not know where she is??? Why did you not call the police the first time it happened???????
Ground the little you know what 1st, take her to school yourself and pick her up yourself.
It is not a bad thing to back hand your kid in the mouth to get there attention you know. She must be aw-full hungry if she never eats.
the kitchen would be off limits to her if she can not eat with the family then she does not eat
she needs some tough love if you are going to keep her as your daughter and not some stranger in the house.