How can I be falling in love with a married man?

Question

Alright I know that I am opening myself up to ridicule but here goes... I work with a man who is married and him and I have been having a secret relationship behind everyones back. He tells me that his married is pretty much over and he LOVES me and wants to be with me but I can't get him to leave her. 2 weeks ago he told her that he wanted out and that he wanted to be with me but the next day he went back to watch his kids while she was at a church thing and he called me and told me that hefelt guilty and felt like he owed it to her to give it one more try. But him and I are still meeting up at every chance we can. I love him more than anything but I think it is a lost cause. Am I just wasting my time with this guy?

Answer 1

The wife usually wins....he has alot more at stake with her than with you. And, if you do win it will only be temporary...until the next best thing comes along. Better off to leave him to work out his marriage than to become his second best.

Answer 2

Its a hard situation that you are in. A man who is married and trying to be with someone else isn't being true to his wife OR you. While he might love you, say that he wants to be with you, etc. you both need to be aware of the fact that it isn't just the two of you who are involved in this circle. His wife and his kids are also part of this situation as well. What do you want to come of this? Who do you expect to happen? Think rationally about the fact that even if he did divorce his wife, that will still be years until that's final and even if that did happen, what about the kids? Are you ready for an "insta-family?" You would be a stepmom right then and there. You would have to deal with his kids, his ex-wife, his child support, his spousal support, visitations, perhaps even custody battles, and since there are kids- the bond between his wife and he would not end. They would have to be in contact because of the kids. There are so many factors you really need to consider.

There is a webpage where you can go and express your feelings- it's called www.gloryb.com and it's for "the other woman." Perhaps that will give you some support that you need.

As for myself, I am a married woman with two stepkids and two of my own. My husband was already divorced when we met and we do have custody of the children. It is still a difficult situation even though she was already his ex. Having step children is quite a responsibility!

Anyways, I won't go on even though I could. Just try to be realistic about what might happen vs. what probably will happen. Chances are you are a beautiful woman who deserves a single man who is solely devoted just to you. No messes involved.

Good luck.

Answer 3

I am sorry to hear this happened to you, it's very difficult to be in your situation. Not only this relationship is a dead end, most people will say you are a home-wrecker and worse.
Look, this is simple, if he truly has honourable intentions , he would file for divorce, move out and have an open and honest relationship with you for all the world to see.
He is not ready to leave his family for you, and by continuing your adulterous relationship with him, you are causing yourself undo pain and suffering, he gets his fun on the side and goes back home to wife and kids.
Not cool. I strongly suggest you stop this now. You do not need to be in this situation five or ten years from now, your youth and chances for happiness gone, since you stuck with this two-timing philandering idiot and got nothing in return.
There are plenty of single men out there, and although it may be hard at first, once you are out there and over him, safe in the arms of a proud boyfriend that loves you, this whole episode will be just a funny mistake you once made.
If you can, do try and get another job. Cut all ties, get gone and stay gone, for the sake of your life, happiness and future.

Answer 4

Have you ever wondered what he is really telling his wife? Since your affair was secret, do you honestly believe everything he tells you? If his marriage is over, they would be going through a divorce or divorced. If you are meeting up at every chance you can and having sex, that is why he is still with you. He is not committed to you, but you still give him exactly what he wants....an escape from the stress of married/family life and the pleasure and excitement of secret sex. If you have any morals, walk away from him and let him have his wife and decide if that is what he wants. On his wedding day he made a vow and commitment to his wife, not you. He picked you up later when things might have gotten a little boring or stressful in his married life. Let him call you after he is divorced from his wife.

Answer 5

Falling in love is easy. Being in love is much different. You need to decide what you want most. And ask him to do that too. You know what you want. Tell him to get to a point, and make one too. Then, there is of course the third party. This sounds harsh, dont get me wrong, and I dont wish to be mean, but if, in the end, his marriage is split up, and you two eventually dont work out either, then you probably should feel guilty for breaking up a marriage for nothing. There are alot of different factors, but again, tell him to make up his mind. If you two really do have feelings for eachother, and strong ones, then hell, "All is fair in love and war." I'm young, but i know that a great future with someone you love is something that shouldnt be forfeited in life at all sometimes we need to be selfish so that we can gain this greater happiness. Just tell him blatantly to make up his mind, because you cant play games. If youve done that already, then maybe you should realize that he may not be as serious about your love, and really isnt worth the time.

Answer 6

I'm not going to go with the normal reaction and comments from a question such as this for many reasons. Unless we're in your shoes, we can't judge or be too critical. As human beings, we are not perfect. We have feelings and emotions. We can't help who we fall in love with...........Sometimes the circumstances aren't the best ones that we would like for ourselves, but these things can happen. That's life.....full of experiences that foster our growth, maturity and knowledge. One thing about getting involved with a married man is that if he has children with his wife, the bond is there regardless if he loves her or not. It's more a duty and obligation than anything. He may indeed fallen in love with you, but feels guilty because he doesn't want to abandon his kids and the family that he has built with this woman. This is a decision that you have to make for yourself and that he also has to make for himself. Do you want to wait around for him? If yes, for how long? Is he worth it? Does he truly love you? For him, he needs to make up his mind to do one or the other. He can't have both. When kids are part of the picture, it's much more complicated. If he really cares for you, then he will work on leaving his wife. Have a good heart to heart talk with him. Reassure him that he can still be a great Father to these kids just because he no longer loves their Mother. He may also be afraid of losing his children to divorce or having to deal with her bad-mouthing him to the kids. There's a lot at stake when a man has children with a woman. If they didn't have kids together, it may be easier for him to leave her. I don't think 2 people should ever stay together if the love is gone and just for the sake of the children. You are not wrong in having feelings for him and loving him. Good luck!

Answer 7

Not only are you wasting your time but you're hurting yourself in the process. This man is either having problems at home that he's trying to work out w/ his wife and you are part of the problem for that OR he has no intentions of leaving his wife and he's playing you along the way. Leave this guy alone and pray that karma doesn't get you when you finally get married some day.

Answer 8

yea you are acting kinda pathetic right now. you should know better than to have started a relationship with someone who was already in one (no matter what they say might happen in the future, you need to go off of what they are DOING RIGHT NOW) and HE was married. It's hard enough to date a guy who just got out of a relationship, but to date one who is IN a relationship, or supposedly about to end one is just the bottom of the barrel. You obviously were not thinking too highly of yourself at that time in your life. And from experience with knowing other women (and men) who have done these things, it probably made you feel good to think he was picking you over his wife. But that's not the real truth. Either way, you have the oppurtunity now to fix the mess you have gotten yourself into, and repair your selfesteem (hopefully to where it is higher than it was to begin with). You need to remember that he told you he feels guilty and owes his wife another chance. He could be lying to you, or he could honestly feel guilty. Either way He is saying he does not care about, like or love you. When you love someone you would not have to think about wether or not you want to be with them, if you care about someone you would do everything in your power NOT to hurt them. Regardless of wether or not he EVER leaves his wife, which he won't. You need to get the **** away from that man and work on yourself and your selfesteem, so that you don't end up with years and years of horrible broken relationships with men that don't really love you! Consider this a wake up call, and FIX yourself!!!

Answer 9

Try to realize that this man has not only a wife, but a family. if you truly loved him, you would not want to take that away from him. If his children are still small enough to need to be watched, they are small enough to need both parents. I think he feels guilty because he knows that too. Help him to give his marriage a chance for the kids sake. He sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. He made a choice when he said "I do". The fact that he's had an affair with you is bad enough to overcome but will he be happy when he looses his kids?

Answer 10

Dear Angel,
You are digging a hole so deep, that if you fall in you will not be able to get out. You are opening yourself up to a life of pain and hurt. Get out of this relationship now! Before it consumes you to the extent that your every waking moment will be taken up thinking about this man and you will be totally obsessed. Angel; listen to me; he is married and is not, I repeat, not going anywhere. He has children; and even though things are not good with him and his wife, he will not go ANYWHERE. You are wasting your time and energy on a man that cannot give you anything but hurt, pain and lonliness. He may be the nicest guy in the world, but he is MARRIED....SPELL IT ANGEL...MARRIED. No matter what BS he gives you; he is still a married man. Tell him, you have decided that the relationship is OVER and you are moving on. Say to him that you want a relationship that is on even ground; a single man to single woman. Tell him that a relationship with a married man is not for you and never will be. Tell him you want marriage and a family. He will string you along as long as you let him..don't let him Angel..Tell him to go to marriage counseling and save his marriage. ..Dump him fast and get yourself a guy who will give you love, committment and all of himself. Don't you deserve better than this heartache and pain.
Good Luck

Answer 11

Because you are selfish. A real women would nevver get close enough to a married man to fall in love.

Nothing can ever come out of this because if he marries you a selfish man will be married to a selfish women. Textbook case of marriage set up for failure.

You're not wasting your time though, he's telling his buddies what a great piece of side-meat you are. That's the way these overgrowen self-centered boys behave. A married MAN would never act like him.