Do you believe people are capable of changing ? For instance...a woman OR a man that in younger days were in?

Question

some relationships in which THEY stayed in it too long when they knew it wasn't right and for various reasons...security, companionship (although not the ideal), confusion of emotions and feelings for the person...just afraid to let go. But while staying in this relationship...you found yourself attracted to others and were wrong to let yourself think of others. You should have ended your relationship but stayed and in turn, disrespected the other person. Men and women both do these things to each other. BUT...after some years of maturity and lessons learned, don't you think those same people are capable of changing and learning how to respect others whereas they once didn't always out of pure immaturity, inexperience in life, selfishness, confusion, whatever ??? Or do you believe they are and always will be capable of cheating, lying, taking advantage, and being selfish or immature ? I think some people do change...they learn respect for others and they mature...they grow and blossom.

I am speaking from personal experiences and I have been the "disrespector" in relationships in my past but I have also had guys be the "disrespectors". I didn't always handle situations and issue properly and I hurt some people and they may have flet like I was not a good person at the time. I do know this...I have never, not even back in those days...had ill intentions or purposefully taken advantage of someone with that intention in mind. There ARE some women/men who actually do manipulate and have evil motives. But there are those that are learning and don't always handle things perfectly. I have learned not to stay in relationships for wrong reason. I've matured. I respect people and although not perfect, I'm a good person. So, do not always take things at face value...dig deeper.

One of the many lessons learned...for example : In my early-mid 20's, I would be in a relationship and when things weren't going right and we were unhappy...and I found myself thinking there was someone different out there for me (and him) and I let myself flirt and connect with others while still in the relationship. Years later...when I was married and I came to the realization that maybe we weren't right for each other afterall, and I found myself thinking there was someone else for me...I was upfront with my husband. I admitted my thoughts and also that I had flirted with someone I (used) to work with. I told him this not to hurt him but so he would know the truth and what I was dealing with inside. We talked everything over and over and tried to work it out but finally the decision was divorce but we remained friendly and worked it out peacefully. See...I learned to do the RIGHT thing before disrespecting someone. I woud have never hurt him like that. Things just changed.

I know...actions do speak MUCH louder than words. That's why I'm real expressive and attentive. I am analytical and watch the other person's actions, too...I don't want anything FAKE, either. I want the REAL thang (yes, thang...it's a Southern thang).

Answer 1

Oh well, you can fix the past; you can only learn from it.

Just remember this: YOU are the only person that judges yourself based on your intentions.

Everybody else is watching what you do.

Answer 2

Depends on the individual. I think some people are just inherently selfish, and if they have no respect for their relationships now, they probably won't ever. On the other hand, as you said, there are different reasons for people to do this kind of thing. Typically I would say that if you felt bad about doing something as a young person, you have a good chance of being able to avoid the same behavior after gaining a little maturity and self control as an adult. If you didn't really care at the time, though, there would be no pressure to change, and it probably wouldn't happen.

Answer 3

People do change- sometimes for the better, sometimes not.

I know personally, I had the opportunity to take a hiatus from men, dating, etc and serve my church for a while. I gained a LOT of maturity during that time. Before my service, I had been engaged to 2 different men. Neither was a good idea, partly because THEY weren't mature, and partly I was naive enough to think that it would still be ok, that we could make it, "living on love"....

After I came home, I started dating a great guy- he had some problems similar to the other men, but as we talked, I discovered that he was also mature enough to know he had challenges (as we all do), and he'd learned how to cope/deal with them.

We've now been married over 7 years. We still have our challenges and disagreements, but we trust each other in so many ways.

Answer 4

I think that anyone is capable of change. It's whether they feel the need or not that really makes the difference. Some people want to change and can't, others never see the need. I also think change comes with maturity. Some couple have problems for years with infidelity, anger, jealousy, etc. Time and maturity can change all of this if it's worth waiting for, keeping in mind that a change may NEVER come. I guess it would depend on your faithfulness and committment to making it work as to whether you stay positive and hope for a change or not.

Answer 5

There is so much uncertainty when we enter into relationships. We just muddle along and do the best we know how at the time. We question ourselves, we have fears and doubts, and sometimes we do things spontainoulsy, and with haste and no thought at all. But no matter what we do, we all have to accept the consequences of our actions good and bad. Thats how we learn, for the next time, and there will be a next time. We get chance after chance to get it right. Thats life. Hopefully we get it right sooner not later. We are all capable of change, its a choice we make with courage, cause most of the time its scarey. But its always worth it.

Answer 6

Wow! That's a pretty complicated question. The fact that we all are human means that we all are capable of making any number of decisions. There are no guarantees about what decisions a person will make. We have to look at history and performance and weigh in on trust when making our own decisions. Research indicates that the basic personality structure does not change along the life cycle, so use caution and protect your heart. Honey, he ain't gonna change.

Answer 7

No.

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

There are VERY FEW couples out there who can say, "yes, s/he cheated a few times but now s/he hasn't cheated at all!"

No. If you cheat even once, you get the taste. You get the surge of excitment. You get the edge of doing something wrong AND getting caught.

I don't believe that a cheater will EVER change. If ANYONE cheats on me or has cheated on anyone in the past, I'm not going to let that person get any further into my life.

Answer 8

I believe I am capable of changing. I have serious doubts that anyone else can. First you have to recognize that there is a behavior that needs changing (most people don't). Secondly, you have to work very hard for a very long time to modify this behavior. It is not unlike a drug addiction where the tendency to behave the other way is always there. It is possible but so very, very unlikely.

Answer 9

OK, here's my perspective from over 36 yrs. of marriage.

First of all, change has to come from within and you have to WANT to change; normally, people don't talk you into it or negotiate it.

Second, there are two kinds of change - lifestyle changes and personality changes.

The first kind are relatively easy; quit smoking, join Jenny Craig, etc.

The second kind are more complicated. If you're basically an honest, easy-going person, you'll probably always be so.

If you're more dishonest, selfish, money-for-nothing, tightly wound, you will probably always be that way, too.

Answer 10

I would like to believe they do, but I feel that people that jump from relationship to the next do not. They never had the time to realize certain things while being alone. People need time to sort out their issues first or else they just bring them into the next relationship.

Answer 11

They will probably always be capable of it, but they can change if, and only if, they choose to. Some people stay selfish and immature no matter what their physical age, but some do learn better.