We have been together for five years and I have have said a lot of very hurtful things to her. Now she is straying and I realize what I have done. I blamed her for years for all our problems yet if I built her built better I know things would be better. Now she is hiding things from me and says she love me but is not in love with me. There is someone else I know she is interested in though she wont admit it. I need advice. Besides counseling, she says she is going to call but until then...
2007-02-19 03:34:24 · 12 answers · asked by isanynameavialable 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Have said sorry and have been trying for weeks to make it up. Ihave changed by attitude around but I am still very hurt and she is still going out till all hours. I really love her.
2007-02-19 03:40:53 · update #1
I have bought her lots of things. Thats how I showed love. I have been righting poetry to her she cried and said why did I wait so long. To little to late????
2007-02-19 03:42:29 · update #2
You can try changing your behavior. Start buiding her up by telling her how much she means to you and how great she is. Is she a wonderful mother, beautiful, intellegant? Tell her these things. And go out of your way to do things for her. Take her out, buy her something sweet, clean the kitchen, do laundry. Make her see that you're trying and maybe she'll give you another change. Love can be reborn if you both try.
2007-02-19 03:40:29 · answer #1 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand. I am probably going to be kind of hard on you. I hope you are asking this question in hopes of getting honest answers and not just answers that you want to hear. You said you have been saying hurtful things to her for years. Now that she is straying you realize what you have done. How has her straying opened your eyes to what you were doing? I think her straying opened your eyes to the fact that she isn't going to take it any longer. You don't sound very remorseful over your actions. You sound like you are remorseful that she is going out and may be seeing someone else. Whether I am right or wrong in my evaluation; you really don't have much control over the situation. You can buy her all the things you want but her actions are saying she's had enough. The only thing you can do is be patient and wait. Try being supportive of her and kind. Let her know that you are truly sorry for your actions...but don't try to force her into forgiving you. Let her forgive you in her own time. Back off but let her know you are still there and you still love her very much and that you will be there when and if she is ready to be with you.
2007-02-19 04:17:58 · answer #2 · answered by crzynluv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, this question seems like way too little, way too late. You seem to have to be threatened with the loss of your wife to realize what she means to you.
Why didn't you take the time to be happy with her and kind to her when she was head over heels in love with you?
Even if you think it's constructive criticism, there is only so much a person can take. Verbal abuse is just as bad a physical abuse. She shouldn't get over it. It doesn't matter what you buy her. I had a boyfriend in college just like you. He would say and do the most horrible things, and then all of the sudden show up with an expensive present to win me back. I gave him and all of his stupid presents away. And I was the better for it.
2007-02-19 05:35:40 · answer #3 · answered by Catherine T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Continue working on yourself. You've taken the first step and that is admitting you were wrong in treating her the way you have. Start by dating her. I know you're married, but you need to start asking her out. Make sure you do go to counseling, because you will both need to learn how to treat eachother again. Ask her out to a nice restaurant for dinner and have a heart to heart talk with her. Don't point fingers and don't start arguing. I wish you luck. I was in her shoes also. My husband used to blame me for every problem we had. Our marriage almost broke up. He cheated, then I cheated. It was going downhill very, very fast. We started going to counseling and little by little we have been repairing our marriage. It's going to take a long time, because this didn't happen over night, but we are getting there. A very important part of our reconciliation is prayer.
I wish you luck.
2007-02-19 03:46:55 · answer #4 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Until then you should ask yourself why you said the hurtful things you did!! if you loved her, you would not have acted like that, and it sounds like it wasn't a one-time thing, but repeated behaviour. Are you upset that she's interested in someone else because you love her, or because you just don't like to lose?? I think you should make the effort, make the arrangements for therapy, and generally bend over backwards to save your marriage if you really care. Don't sit back and expect her to fix what you have created! are you going to blame her if she doesn't get the two of you in couselling too?? It's not up to her to fix this, it's up to you, since you were the a** that treated her badly. Of course she's going to "stray"... nobody wants to be treated badly, so right or wrong, she's going to look for happiness elsewhere.
2007-02-19 03:43:47 · answer #5 · answered by chickie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if it is possible to repair the damage, but if you are sincere and are planning on doing a 180 regarding your treatment of her, try remembering what it was that attracted her to you to begin with.
Apologize to her, romance her, sweep her off her feet again. It may still be salvagable. I wish you the best and hope you are sincere in your attitude.
2007-02-19 04:26:47 · answer #6 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
send and give her flowers every two weeks, take her out to dinner more then you ever, take her for rides, take her out of town for the week end, cook dinner for her, give her gifts just because, tell her you are going to fight for, you made the mistakes but you are going to fight for your marriage, run her bath water, wash her back, place a trail of roses leading to the bath water, tell her you are sorry and ask her to try to work on the marriage before walking out or spending time with any one. let her know you know you have messed-up and you are will to put in the time, share your all or what ever it takes, just please give me another chance. FIGHT FOR HER IF YOU REALLY LOVE HER! and good luck.
2007-02-19 03:51:22 · answer #7 · answered by BLUE 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't know if you will ever change. You have verbally abused her to the point where she has closed herself off from you emotionally. It's good that you learned from this, but you are really going to have to make the effort to change.
2007-02-19 04:37:32 · answer #8 · answered by Need Answers 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have created this situation,now give her some time.
2007-02-19 03:45:08 · answer #9 · answered by ANU U 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to say sorry! Be a real man. Accept her for who she is!!!
2007-02-19 03:38:08 · answer #10 · answered by Ms. Independent 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋