The wife is very unsure, but the husband claims it would be no feelings involved just sex and he claims he deserves it for being such a good husband. Would you, do you or have you and how did it work out?
2007-02-19 03:34:24 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First, lets get a definition out of the way. Swinging: when a married or otherwise committed couple engages in sex with other couples or singles.
Okay, so we've determined that a threesome in this situation is technically swinging.
Second, it has to be something they both want to do. Swinging is helping your partner fulfill their fantasies WHILE you fulfill your own. So it has to be BOTH of their fantasies, not just the husband's or wife's. Both of you has to equally turned-on by the prospect of bringing another person into your sex life. There can be no coercion or manipulation to get the spouse to do it. They have to do it of their own free will because they want to.
The husband is right, in most all cases. It is just sex. Nothing more. This is the ability to separate love from sex, or more to the point, sex with someone you love and sex with just anybody. The former is lust AND love. The latter is just lust.
Does he deserve it for "being a good husband"? No. That is expected. That's part of the deal of being married. What if I turned the question around on them and the wife went to the husband and said "I've been a good wife and I want a MFM threesome." What would his response be?
Swinging should be an extension of an already great marriage and great sex life together. It's overflow from an abundance of love and sex in the marriage. It's something done by the couple FOR the couple.
Lastly, in my experienced and educated opinion (my wife and I have been swingers for several years), swinging - like a swing on a playground - has to go both ways. Meaning, if the wife has a MFM fantasy then the husband better be just as willing to help her fulfill her fantasy as he wants her to be about fulfilling his, and visa-versa if the idea is the wife's.
If not, then his or her reasons for it are purely selfish and the results from doing it will be disastrous. Someone will get resentful that the relationship isn't on equal ground, and swinging is the great equalizer in relationships. There can be no inequality in a swinging relationship. It's truly 50/50.
When done for the right reasons, between the right people, swinging can be a VERY positive experience for a couple.
For some great, free information about swinging and the truth from both veterans and newbies alike, check-out The Swingers Board's forums. It's not a porn site, just a discussion forum on this subject.
2007-02-21 18:12:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In all seriousness...have a very serious conversation about it. Let him tell you how it will all play out, and what he expects from the experience. It will be a very erotic conversation, but it will also let you understand what it is that he would like.
Also, tell him that you are also very interested in having a threesome, but with another man. Inevitably, when you say that you can't wait to feel another man inside you, his tail feathers will become very ruffled at the thought of watching that particular act.
If you are open and honest with each other, you will both realize that the actual act of a threesome is far less attractive that just talking about it.
My wife and I go through this every once in a while, and usually the conversation between us, very open and very graphic, is enough. It makes for a lot of fun after the conversation, and can curb the enthusiasm for actually trying it.
Just have fun...
2007-02-19 03:48:36 · answer #2 · answered by Tyerant 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way threesomes work and don't do any damage to the marriage is if both the husband and the wife want to do it. If one is unsure, then by no means should a threesome take place.
Once you are both on the same page and choose to have a threesome, I suggest getting a "proffesional", if you do it with friends, it will ruin the friendship and it can get pretty uncomftorable if you run into them at the grocery store, PTA meeting etc.
2007-02-19 03:41:26 · answer #3 · answered by Lynsey T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two girls and one guy is just the opening he needs to cheat. If you allow it, you can't really tell him he has to be faithful from here on out. If he is willing to go for two guys and one girl, he probably has gay tendencies. Either way, it spells doom for your marriage. He "deserves it" for being such a good husband? I'd say that proves he's not a good husband. Sorry.
2007-02-19 03:47:17 · answer #4 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Crikes - why don't you simply tell him to take a hike.
Alternatively, why not turn the tables and suggest that since its always 'ladies first', you should start with 2 guys and 1 girl, and its similarly no feelings involved, and if he insists the other guy can go for your husband first. Hopefully that suggestion will turn him off, otherwise 'bop' him on the head or stop being a good wife for a week.
2007-02-19 03:42:03 · answer #5 · answered by Son of Gap 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
His wife is probably tripping on the idea of him fooling around with another woman, and you sound like you don't really even want the threesome, you just want to screw her man. Back out. Nothing but trouble and the whole situation is just trashy.
2016-03-29 02:48:01 · answer #6 · answered by Susan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He deserves it? What did he do *exactly* to deserve it? That's very strange. I can't think of what a guy could do to deserve it.
My wife and I have had a few threesomes, and it has been good for our marriage. But I don't think I deserved it, per se. I think if he really feels that he deserves it, he should be able to say what exactly he's done to deserve it.
2007-02-21 01:17:08 · answer #7 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My opinion? Three is a crowd
I have known several couples that have done this and none of them ended pretty. There is no room for jealousy and all of the participants need to agree on all the terms and conditions of the arrangement prior to engaging in this act. I do not recommend this in any way, it is (in my opinion) not good for any marriage.
2007-02-19 03:43:57 · answer #8 · answered by NolaDawn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex wanted to do that once. I told him sure, if we can do it with him & another guy... That stopped the 3some discussion fast. It's a guys fantasy, but when the tables are turned, they don't want another guy in the room, especially if there is a size difference. :-)
It will also ruin a husband/wife relationship.
2007-02-19 03:42:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off it never works out, and once is never enough. They think if you did it once you'll do it again.
Tell him what I tell my husband... I'll do the 2 girls 1 guy and then we'll have to do 2 guys 1 girl. Because I'ld love to see another naked guy all up on you.
Trust me that comment always stops the whole threesome conversation!
2007-02-19 03:41:31 · answer #10 · answered by littlemama_rules 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋