getting my duaghter back?

Question

im 21....a highschool drop out....whose only experience is stripping wich i quit.......i got pregnant at 16....i let the grand mother (my duaghters dad's mom) take care of her....i get her every weekend ...but i want her back full time......i dont have my own place...i dont have a job.....i would like to go to school and learn something so that way i dont have to make 8.50 an hour ....i dont see myself getting n e where in life making that much money when i have a child.....i tried to kill myself when i gave her to the grandmother bcuz i felt like such a piece of **** that i couldnt take care of my duaghter....i dont know what to do......or how im gonna get by.....i love my duaghter i want to give her the life i never had...i just dont know how.....i know i need my own place....becuase my aunts just not cutting it...and thats what the courts said....i dont know how im gonna afford all of this on my own..........can n e one shed some light on this

Answer 1

If you don't have a job, a home, or an education, exactly what is it that you're going to be providing your daughter? This sounds like YOU WANT her back for yourself, rather than for her own good. That is very selfish and is never in the best interests of the child.

You need to get a job. Then you need to see if you can go to school. Then you need to get your own place and save some money. Once you're on your feet and ready to actually BE a mother THEN you can petition to get your child back. Until then, do both of you a favor and leave her with the grandmother.

It is the RIGHT decision to make to put your child's needs ahead of your own. THAT is what makes you a good mother.

Answer 2

One step at a time, honey. Your first requirement is a high school GED. And a real, respectable job, even at $8.50 an hour.

You cannot give her the life you never had until you get started on the one you want to have. Honestly you are lucky to have her on the weekends.

Are the courts saying that the grandmother is not taking good care of the child? Not sure what your aunt has to do with all this.

I would suggest you talk to women's organizations or welfare in your community to talk about your goals and how to achieve them. Maybe somebody in the community can give you a leg up.

Answer 3

You need to be patient, go to school and get a job where you can afford your own place, take a parenting class, infant cpr class, etc etc. Make sure you keep on seeing your daughter every weekend and try to see her more often. Go to the local college and find out about financial aid, you will probably qualify if you dont have a job, you can probably get everything paid for, including your books. Go to the counseling office and find out what they have to offer and go to school, get a degree in something and get yourself in track, then you can talk to the grandmother about getting custody of your daughter again, if she fights you, take her court and show the court how you have turned your life around and that you are able to provide for your duaghter and all the things you have done in order to get her back. Keep fighting, it might take time, but show the court you are willing to do whatever it takes and get a job that will provide her with a good life and I am sure they will give you custody back.

Answer 4

OK u can go to school part time. do u have a car. . first go get Ur GED then find a school that u can pay for or u can get a student loan and go through school then when u get settled down with a good job work for u own place . first go for an apartment then see if u can get Ur daughter back . after that work on keeping the bills paid and start pa yin off Ur student loan . then once u get settled with that start loo kin 4 a house . but u cant put this off or make up any excuses u have to believe that u can do

Answer 5

Sure you want your daughter back but you have to take things one step at a time.
Step 1: you are a high school drop out. You need to get your GED in order to go on to the next step of getting a better stable financial situation.
You could stop right there. That's a job in itself. It's a job that you need to start right now, while you are working and while you have a reliable roof over your head with your aunt.
You say your aunt's house as a living situation is just not 'cutting it.' It is safe, isn't it? It's warm, isn't it? At least for you and for your aunt. Perhaps it's not spacious enough (but it is the best your aunt is able to do - and you should thank her, by the way!)
Courts want more for a child. They want a child to have room. They want some financial stability and you are not financially stable. Your aunt is somewhat financially stable which allows her to shelter you. Stay with that and work on your life now while you have the chance.
There's a sense of desperation in your text. Stripping? Whatever led you to pregnancy, stripping, and a suicide attempt? If I were a cynic, I'd say you were a drama queen. But instead, I'll just say you were a person who compounded one bad decision or mistake with a couple other big bad decisions or mistakes.
That's what the court sees, too.
So you have to see that. And it has to stop. You have to learn to think about all aspects of a problem and try to see as many aspects to the outcomes of your decisions as you can.
The terrible statistical truth is that single mothers tend to live in poverty, tend to shortchange their children, even though they want the best. You want to give your daughter the life you never had. I do believe you when you say you just don't know how.
Now is the time to grow up yourself. If you're 21, a lot of moderately successful people around you may be in their last year of college. Do you know any people like that? Do you have friends who didn't make your mistakes and are now looking at the job market? Did anyone ever advise you about education and job prospects and what it means, long-term, for a single mother to have a career?
Find out how to get started studying for your GED which is the High School Equivalency exam. Start studying right now. Get your a*** moving because it's not going to happen without you studying, learning, and accomplishing.
While that is happening, make peace with your aunt and your living situation with her. You need her on your side and she is probably on your side already.
At the same time, go to your local unemployment office and ask if they offer job counseling. Get your act together enough so that you can present yourself in the best way; be clear and articulate about how you need to plan your education and you need to know what various jobs pay, what kind of benefits they have, what jobs are available in your area.
What if someone at the employment office told you, 'We have a job for you that pays 11.50 an hour.' Would that be the signal for you to say, 'Hallelujiah, I'm getting my baby and my own apartment!' WRONG. Again, it is just the beginning. You need your GED, you need knowledge to be able to figure out how much it takes to live for two people, with the cost of day care, with the cost of insurance, with some money put into savings (for the future catastrophes you will inevitably face) and all the other things on top of the somewhat high cost of renting an apartment when the rent is raised every year or two. You should understand budgeting (you should be able to stick to a budget) and you should know about taxes.
Here's what you don't want to do: get into a dead-end situation again, this time with your daughter, feel desperate, date guys when basically you are only headed for a live-in situation with a guy and possibly more and more pregnancy without marriage, commitment and a future of live-in boyfriends and babies by different fathers, all on display for the daughter you are raising.
You did say you wanted a better life for her, right?
You want a whole lot but it takes a whole lot of work. Life is expensive. Plenty of married people, who are committed for life to raise their families, live pretty frugally just to be able to give their children stability. Keep your issues straight. You keep talking about needing your own place and being able to afford it on your own. It's a reasonable goal and you can make a difference in your own life by making decisions that are good ones for a change.
You see your daughter every weekend. Treasure that time and spend the rest of your week working on making progress with your GED, career plans and stop looking for the easy answers to your needs. You can do it. You just have to want to do it. Wanting to do it, you will accomplish it. The minute you stop wanting to make the right progress with your life goals (a good job is one that you can stay in and advance in - count on being a single mother for a long time... or if you marry, a working mother), that's when you've lost your way.
Good luck!

Answer 6

before u even make an attempt to get custody of your daughter, u need to have a stable life....a place to live, a job to support her financially. there is a lot to think about and a lot u need to do. get your life back on track and then decide what u wanna do about your daughter.

Answer 7

if i was u, i'd go back to stripping or maybe work for a pimp. u might have a chance on getting ur kid back.