please answer this question fast?

Question

tell me how is this poem as i have to submit it to the annual poetry comp now and tell me can i really write poems .

Aim For The Stars

Surrender your soul in the midst of positivity ,
See your tomorrow in the sky of possibilities
Aim for the stars lying next to the moon .

Make your qualities act as an armour against weakness ,
Feel the pain to escalate your strength ,
Aim for the stars lying next to the moon .

Make your way leading to your shinning destiny ,
Take each day as a ray of optimism ,
Aim for the stars lying next to the moon .

Follow a path away from the avalanch of negativity
Be thankful to god for this crazy life ,
Aim for the stars lying next to the moon .

Create an identity of your own in a world filled with entourage ,
Make your dreams form the pinnacle of your tomorrow ,
Aim for the stars lying next to the moon .

Make your life as pure as the azure ,
Exult your failure as a sign of victory ahead ,
Aim for the stars lying next to the moon .

Prevent the past from acting as an obstacle for your today ,
Fix your eye on the shimmer of your goal ,
Aim for the stars lying next to the moon .
8.
Don’t make life complicated by counting your looses ,
Look up in the sky to see your reflection in the stars ,
Aim for the stars lying next to the moon .

Emanicipate yourself from the pecemistic darkness ,
Celebrate your victory with the one’s who celebrate you ,
Aim for the stars lying next to the moon .

Visualize your reflection in the mirror of victory ,
Let your life be an epitome of perfection for others ,
Aim for the stars lying next to the moon .

Answer 1

When others say this is kinda long, it means the poem hammers the same point over and over again. So it's long in the sense of tedious. Maybe you could cut a few of the weakest stanzas.

The poem has lots of long multisyllable words, which usually weaken a poem because they're more abstract than short punchy concrete words -- "See" works better than "Visualize," for example.

Next, when you read it out loud (and you always should), you'll hear where the beat is off. It's good to vary your rhythm, but you want to do it deliberately, for emphasis.

And finally -- this is most important -- yes, you really can write poetry. Your vocabulary and sense of repetitive pattern prove that. All you need to do now is put some time into studying and using the basics of poetry.

Answer 2

Dear friend u did it nice but there r a few points i wud like 2 discuss I am a poet myself n hope my experience will help u ok now coming 2 the points
1) I don kno how long u thought 4 days r hours referring ur thoughts u so far thought
but pls a poem is tat which is simple quickly understood n meaningful of these last 2 qualities ur poem is having but tat quite lengthy its makes it a bit uneasy 2 read

2) I c tat u just started writing poems 4 u used sophisticated, just make it simple as u asked us 2 b, it must b like a stone dropping in a water as simple as it

3) y do u repeat those lines tell u 1thng 1 gud thng make use of dots dont repeat tat line 'aim 4 stars lying next 2 the moon' c instead make it like it use it in ur poem only 4 sm 3 times r so better twice giving sm regular interval n thn at last...

4) ...pls repeat tat sentence wen concluding n in next line write sm attractive heart touching
'aim 4 stars lying next 2 the moon
a star may fall but u will never
4 u r a star 2 star with the loveth 4ever.......'

I know tat while concluding in poems those dots which r preceded by an heart touching sentence will d a magic effect 2 ur poem (tat lines i quoted r just an example u can use a better 1 if u like) 1ce more it is nice keep it up. good sentence formation u will soon b expecting more 4m u.

Hope my service is kind enough 2 b of ur help, everhelping,
1 in ur heart

Answer 3

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Answer 4

Make your way leading to your shinning destiny ,****shining****
Follow a path away from the avalanch of negativity ,***avalanche***
Don’t make life complicated by counting your looses ,***losses***
Emanicipate yourself from the pecemistic darkness ,***emancipate, pessimistic***
Celebrate your victory with the one’s who celebrate you ,***ones***

===Yes, go submit it after making the spelling corrections===

Good luck :)

Answer 5

The thought is transmitted to the reader but
There are a few misspelled words - Make use of spell check in the computer.
There are lines that could make use of better adjectives.
All in all, it is promising...
Keep writing...

Answer 6

Sure sounds like poetry to me.Very nice,nicely put. Good luck.

Answer 7

Good but, fairly long.