i was 18 when i left my highschool sweetheart for a 22 year old man who i thought was more exciting. my ex was wonderful, but i missed out on a lot of life, like going away to college and parties and dancing. i am now 25 and have been married to the more exciting man for 6 years, but i find that what i want now is to be a little bit boring. like, i want the kind of relationship my ex and i had. i don't want to go out all the time till all hours. i like staying home and just watching tv and cooking and stuff. i find myself thinking a lot about my ex because he was a really good guy. my husband is a good guy too, but we have a lot of problems. we are going to see a counceller in 2 weeks, but i keep thinking hat life would have not been this hard if i had just stayed with my ex. and it makes me sad. i know i can't go back in time, but what do i do now? i don't want to leave my husband and wouldn't know where to find my ex even if i did. i don't know how to fix these feelings.
2007-02-19 03:19:33 · 23 answers · asked by shiningstar1313 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
More than likely your ex has moved on. If you are unhappy in your current relationship you should either try to work things out or move on. It sounds like you have grown up and your husband hasn't. He still wants to party and you want a boring home life. That happens. It's worth working on if you love him but don't jump out of that relationship and into another one. If you plan on getting a divorce, do that, just don't divorce him with the hopes of getting back with your ex. It will never work if you do. If it is meant to be it will be one way or another.
2007-02-19 03:24:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
No you were not a dummy.
You are one now.
You said you were married to a good MAN. So what's the problem. Let me list a few you have
(1) Do not appriciate what you have.
(2) You are lazy and disloyal, rather then work on making your passion and enjoying your man you are coveting an old one (thst's why that is a Commandmant)
(3) You are selfish. The difference beteen a 12-year old and an adult is an adult realizes life is about other people and raising children. You want to go party -- parting is 12-year old behavior not a married womens .
(4) You and your husband have a lot of problems. No you have one, your husband is married to a selfish girl that sits around all day and remionices about old boyfriends and desires to be an irresponisble teen-ager. How could you all NOT have problems.
(5) Your life is not hard it is what life is suppose to be. Just because MTV wants to sell irresponsible sex and drinking beer all night doesn't mean that is the right person to be when you get knocked up and you got a kid to raise.
By something nice and bang that GOOD MAN. You are so lucky to be able to say that and a GOOD MAN deserves to get the time from a GOOD woman and not be treated like the leftovers for somneselfish girl looking for a billpayer.
2007-02-19 11:32:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hindsight is always 20/20. At that time in your life, your ex was great but someone else was better. Who knows what you're ex is like now. Will it satisfy? Will you grow bored and wish for your current husband?
You're 25. That is absolutely normal. You see, you're in the prime of life and want to make the most out of it while you can. Just think before you do anything that will adversely change your life. If you stayed with your ex, would you be ahead in life or behind? Seriously. You would have been bored and been thinking, what if I had married the other guy.
hang in there. Do what is right for you and DO NOT chase anyone, that never works well. We all tend to expect too much as it is built up in our minds how it should/could be and may be disappointed.
2007-02-19 11:27:08 · answer #3 · answered by ☽☮★♥ Alphα Fєmmє Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a big problem.You couldn't find your ex,and if you did would you be ready to hear that he is happily married.This may be.Your feeling are normal but remember you chose the man you are with for a reason.Try to remember why you wern't happy with your ex that you chose the man you have been with for 6 yrs.He must really love you to go 2 counsleling to try to fix your problems I think when you go mention that you are tire off partying all the time but I wouldn't mention the ex only to the counselor by yourself .You can talk seperatly as well as together.The therapist will let you know if this is wise given your feelings right now.|I've had lots of exs that I still think about one is 15 plus years ago and I've came through many to get where I am your choices you make can led you down many paths It's only the choice you make with you heart is going to be the one to true happiness
2007-02-19 11:34:42 · answer #4 · answered by kimmysue34 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you need to really try to work things out through counseling. Hindsight is always 20/20 and for all you know you could be married to the more boring guy and spend your time wishing things were more exciting. I think sometimes we are just not happy no matter what. Give your hubby a chance...Life isn't all about college, parties and dancing. There's no reason why you can't still go to college either. You're not too old to go and still have a career...
2007-02-19 12:04:33 · answer #5 · answered by Cute But Evil 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Glory days, sweetie; get over them.
So, you're husband of 6 years isn't as exciting today as he was at 22 yrs old? Gasp.
Stop living in the past; your ex thinks you are a horrible person...and so would any guy that you did the same thing to...but that is what we do when we are young and we learn from our mistakes. Your ex moved on and had a great time doing it.
Back to your marriage. You have to try. How about mixing it up and going out? Bring a picnic. Go ice skating/roller blading. Try combat underwater basket weaving. The point here is to changed things up so neither of you get bored.
See what boredom has done to you? You're dreaming about a guy from 6 YEARS ago. Grow up and make a little effort go a long way.
2007-02-19 11:29:39 · answer #6 · answered by Slimslimmer 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First, stop thinking of your ex. Who cares? Your thinking of the "fun,carefree life" you had at 18. That was 7 yrs ago. For all you know , your X could be in so much debt paying back colleges, maybe he's divorced paying child support, you dont know what could happen in 7 yrs. Focus on your situation. Focus on your husband and counseling. If that doesnt work and you want out, get a divorce and meet someone else.
2007-02-19 11:28:48 · answer #7 · answered by Mammamia3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We always want what we don't have, but remember the grass isn't always greener.... If you had stayed with the "boring" boyfriend you'd be wanting the excitement of the man you are with and wondering what life would have been like with him. Your husband sounds a lot like mine and you sound a lot like me. I've found that letting him go have fun while I stay home every now and again gives us both a break from each other and the "fun" we both need.
2007-02-19 11:26:02 · answer #8 · answered by daa414 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There was an old song, "we may never pass this way again".
You cannot go back, your thoughts and regrets are stuck in the past. Six years is a long time to have 'thoughts" about someone who has probably gone on with his life, matured and may never even think of you.
Get the counseling, maybe some just for you, if the marriage is all wrong and you end it, don't waste time on the past, just keep moving forward.
2007-02-19 11:28:04 · answer #9 · answered by Hatem 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop living in the past, with regrets. It is common at 25 yrs old to start feeling the way you do and slowing down.
Your ex is probably a different person now - him being more serious back then, he may be rebelling now and partying all night ... who knows. Six years with ANYONE - u r bound to have problems.
It's called life. It's not what happens in your life, but more importantly, how you handle it!
2007-02-19 11:36:41 · answer #10 · answered by Reserved 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋