Lost wifes love by my cheating. On the edge.?

Question

I cheated on my wife early last year. She learned of it on her own and I finally confessed in July after I had ended it with the coworker. This is and was the worst thing I have ever done to anyone including myself. This is our second marriage and neither or us wants to give up however, after "some" couciling and my leaving my job and cutting off communication with the other woman for the past 7 months my wife now tells me I have no moral right to inquire about any of her late nights or men that she is communicating with. Due to my affair we recently opened a buisness together after I left my job and we are now struggling financially and the only reason I agreed to start the business was for us to grow closer and get away from the ho. Now my wife says she is"needing her space". I have also found that she is communicating online and by phone with a "male" but its not any of my business. Am I getting taken advantage of here because I am so guilty? Should I leave?

Answer 1

At this point, what you did should not be a concern. You both have agreed to put that behind you and work on a resolution that saves your marriage.

It would appear that you have made an ernest effort to do this and you need to be recognized.

Your wife needs to also put her effort into saving the marriage, but, from your description, her efforts are being focused elsewhere.

Regardless of the accuracy of your suspicions, you and your wife need to sit down and, all else aside, have a heart to heart about the 'tomorrow' in your life: Does it involve the two of you together and, if so, in what lifestyle.

Your affair in the past is not a license for her to do the same. It is an obstacle that your marriage will either overcome or will collapse on. The difference lies in how BOTH of you act. Not just you. If you BOTH are not involved in the solution then you each will need to go your separate ways.. Otherwise you both will always suspect the other..(great way to live together eh?)

Good luck to you both.

Answer 2

Well you and your lady friend aren't getting any younger, and you've both been hurt. I am concerned that she really is, still in love with her husband - that it hasn't been long enough for her but that you're more ready to move on and forward. I think it's time you both be grown-ups and file for legal separation and then divorce your respective spouses...There is no sense "hanging on" any longer, is there? Isn't it time to close this chapter that can never be again and go forward? I think so. You and this woman should then give yourselves some time to know each other OUTSIDE your ex's - by being free to court, date, whatever you call it...to see if the possiblity of true love AND? -A better future exists for you two as a couple. I am aghast her mother and husband want HER to "fix" her marriage - she is ONLY responsible for herself, her moral compass and feelings. The mother is whacked in my opinion, unless she has an alterior motive, and I'll bet my bottom dollar she does. The husband? The cheater? WHY is she suppose to "fix what's wrong with HIM? He's had his chances; he's the proverbial cheater and can never love her in the way she needs to be loved. So I say both of you should split from your partners, make a clean break-get a new start on life and date. Let all naysayers mouth off all they want; it's ABOUT YOU; IT'S ABOUT HER now...grab some happiness guy, before you're too old to recognize and appreciate second chances...for you certainly seem to have one now... Best of luck...I'm around your age and I so feel your pain, in starting again...but it can be done; and is worth the peace of mind to try. Grace

Answer 3

First off I'm glad you realized that you made a mistake that hurt you and her. She is VERY ANGRY and VERY HURT and the truth is she wants you to hurt as much as she does. See she can't express her pain, and disappointment and even embarrassment. She needs to be able to express her feelings no matter how painful they may be to hear but you truly should listen to her. I do not agree with someone cheating because they were cheated on. Now don't believe she "has someone" she could be making you "think" she does so that you can feel as insecure and uncertain as she does. What you should think about doing is setting aside some time to talk to her (actually you will be doing a lot more of the listening) and if you both want to continue in your marriage you will have to tell her everything where you're going, where you've been etc.but understand that, you must build and work hard for the trust to come in once again. It can be done.

Answer 4

As you know, your first mistake was cheating! if you ended the relationship right away good for you! However that doesn't mean that your wife got over your infidelity. While she has no right to do the same thing back to you she may just be having second thoughts about your marriage now or is triyng to get back at you for the pain you put her through. You are lucky you are getting a second chance in your marriage, and you may just need to be the best/strongest man you could ever be to her right now. Just be sure to let her know that what you did is not going to be erased but that you regret it and are trying to be a better husband to her but that you can not have a healthy relationship if she is going to use your weakness as a justification for her questionable behavior. Yes it isn't fair for her to do this to you but if she is anything like me she is probably struggling to have the same closeness with you that she once had. I would have kicked your *** to the curb instantly. Hang in there and try to let her figure out what she wants and what she is able to get over. If she has cheated or ends up cheating you two need to move on with your lives. Sometimes people are just not meant to be.

Answer 5

Two wrongs don't make a right! But it looks like your wife is playing the field. She's getting back at you. My question to you is how does it feel. Thats what she's getting off on. She's paying you back and holding your past over your head while she does it. Your relationship needs extreme counseling before someone gets hurt. As for the business, it's dependant on what you want to do with your relationship. Go to work, give her space and see what happens. She may be giving you a clue of the future. I'd start looking for an attorney!

Answer 6

I'd say this: Two wrongs don't make a right.

I'd also say this. You're talking about "getting away from the ho?" What, did you pay her for the affair?

I think you and your spouse need to lay all your cards out on the table, and decide whether or not its working for you or not. Often, financial difficulties and challenges can exacerbate the problems in a marriage. Unless both of you are committed to each other, you need to cut your losses. But if you're both committed to staying together, than you need a relationship of complete openness and honesty. You came clean to her about your affair, and she should come clean with you about whatever she is or isn't up to, and then take it from there.

Answer 7

Serves you right! What did you think would happen?? Men need to realize we are not in the stone age it's the new century and women don't have time to waste. If you've got a good woman treat her good cause if you mess up there's 10 other guys out there just waiting. Besides it's all about payback these days two wrongs don't make a right but hey if you can do it so can we...
If you're getting it up for someone else you don't love her that much??

Answer 8

Wow... I went through counseling myself to realize that the only way a marriage CAN survive an affair is to TOTALLY forgive. Unfortunately, very very few marriages make it once this type of trust has been broken.

You cannot expect people to act a certain way or to see & accept your point of view. Life is too short & bringing up past hurts only causes more pain down the line. You cannot change the past, but you can change the future! (I hope you understand that it doesn't always mean that you will get what you want)...

Accept the things you cannot change, change the things you can, and have the wisdom to know the difference!

Answer 9

First why do you call the cupcake you had the affair with a "ho"? Did she force you in to cheating? Take responsibility for your part in the deceit. Your problem is that your wife has not really forgiven you for the pain you caused her. You need to talk and get it out on the table. Wrong for her to tell you that she doesn't have explain her late nights to you....she does if she wants the marriage to work. What is with the on line and phone male friendships? She does have explaining to do to you.

Answer 10

First off calling the woman you had an affair with a ho is wrong, don't throw stones at her, it took two to have the affair, so if she was a ho then what were you?
You made your bed so to say now you have to deal with the consequences, unfortunately due to financial problems from your actions your wife and children ( if you have any) are also suffering because of your infidelity. If you suspect your wife is talking to some other man, remember what goes around comes around. Discuss it with her, don't apologize anymore for what you have done, now is time to decide what to do in the future. Tell her to be honest, if she wants to move on let her go, you had your chance and blew it. You are lucky she stayed once she found out, i would have kicked your cheatin *** to the curb.