I am so hurt right now I have a four year old daughter with a man that I was in a relationship with for several years. Though no longer together we remain good friends. We never had anymore kids because it has been very hard especially for him to provide for the one we have. Yesterday he accidently told me that he has a new baby a 6 month old child that he hasnt seen. I am so hurt by this I understand we were not together but why does he get to be so irresponsible and have another child while the one he has isnt provided for? I may sound selfish but I cant have any more kids untill I am more stable and I have taken every percaution to prevent any accidental pregnancies. I am so hurt and depressed I dont know what this will mean for our child, I dont want the other child to be neglected, according to him he dosnt know this woman so well so now I have an identity issue and feel like I am now just another baby mama.......I need advice on how to deal with this please.
2007-02-19 02:02:06 · 6 answers · asked by smoothazhoney 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
when I say not provided for its financial and emotional, He is in a very complicated situation that most people wouldnt understand but that makes it even more irresponsible for him to have children! As for me I am a nursing student in an intensive program with a 4.0gpa, I have a future and goals I just never expected to be in a situation like this and I always thought my children would have a real father.
2007-02-19 02:24:06 · update #1
If you are no longer with him, there is nothing to even think about. You have enough on your hands as it is. He has to deal with his own problems. Even if you care for him very much, there is nothing you can do. You don't know her or her situation, and he made his choices. Now he has to live with them. Try to distance yourself from his life if you are no longer together. I'm not saying distance your daughter from him, just you from his life he is obviously leading away from you. He is not your boyfriend anymore and you need to protect yourself from this hurt.
2007-02-19 02:14:12 · answer #1 · answered by Deborah B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, honestly there is nothing that you can do. Unfortunately this is what happens today when couples have children and are not married. Heck sometimes it happens when couples are married and have children, and the man steps outside the marriage for pleasure.
This "man" sounds anything but a man. He isn't providing for your child or this other womans. Sounds like more of a "sperm donor" if you ask me. Providing for his child(ren) would make him a man. Zipping it up until he can provide and commit to one woman would make him a man.
My advice? Worry about you and your daughter. Go back to school so that you can provide for your child. Make better choices when it comes to choosing men. You know that not having sex is a good choice today, especially in a world where there are so many men afraid of commitment. That's how you weed out the bad eggs. If they shy away from marriage and having children that should send off a red light in your brain right away. Your head shoud scream "BAD EGG BAD EGG, retreat", especially if that is what you long for the most. Don't settle because you are alone. Set goals, take care of your daughter. Don't worry about things that are not in your control. This child, if it is really his child, isn't a concern of yours, let his/her momma worry about them. There is nothing that you can do. Staying out of the drama and moving on with your life without this irresponsible man would make you more than just a "baby mama, with baby mama drama". Make a list of things you want to do with your life, and seek somebody out who knows a little about something, somebody who is respectable has integrity and has made positive choices in their life to talk about your issues with. Leave the drama behind. The one positive thing I "heard" you say in the above is that "I can't have any more kids until I am more stable and I have taken every precaution to prevent any acciddental pregnancies". That's a wise descision. I think you know the direction and the choices that you are going to have to make, now go make them!
2007-02-19 02:14:52 · answer #2 · answered by dixi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand why you are feeling this way. It seems unfair and unstoppable that he could do something like this. But dont let it bother you. If he is a good dad to your child or atleast decent, he will and should remain that way. It hurts to hear there is another child involved but as soon as you move on with somone else you will begin getting caught up in your own life again and the daddy to your little girl will be someone you see now and then. Dont let your self worry about the other child. You have your own to bother with. You will soon have more children when your ready and your priorities will change. Good luck to ya! Your a great mamma!
2007-02-19 02:10:17 · answer #3 · answered by Heather A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not your problem to deal with. You are not responsible for it, he is. All he wants you to do is feel sorry for him. Put him out of your mind, and tell him you have a daughter to take of, if hes not. And if he isn't able to, then suggest he go elsewhere, because you have to make a life for you and your daughter now.
2007-02-19 07:32:31 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you say your child is not provided for, do you mean he does not give you any financial support
Does he come and see daughter and spend quality time with her ?
Dave
deardaveuk@yahoo.co.uk
2007-02-19 02:10:48 · answer #5 · answered by deardaveuk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there isn't much you can do about him and his irresponsible ways......you just need to be the best mother you can be to your child, try and resist any temptations of "quick fix relationships" the right person will come along
2007-02-19 02:14:23 · answer #6 · answered by surveyman5285 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋