My husband and I have been married for 8 and a half years. In September, he moved out but we have continued to "see" eachother with the intention of resolving our issues. Last night he told me he will always love me, wants the best for me, likes to hang out with me, loves to have sex with me and loves having me as a friend but he doesnt wasnt to be with me , that he doesnt feel the excitement or the need to be with me all of the time like he used to (I truly believe that there is no one else) ...I love him with all of my heart and dont know where to go from here...this seems so fixable to me and such a shame to waste...i really am not sure what to do or say...
2007-02-19 01:48:14 · 27 answers · asked by Worried 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't want anyone to get me wrong...I don't want to be with anyone who doesnt want to be with me....i guess becasue I never lost that desire to be with him I dont understand why friendship and caring for the other person and love, fun and sex isnt marriage, isnt what we all want in a relationship...I understand that he doesnt want it to go back to the way it was (not bad, just boring) and doesnt trust that it wont right now (and I dont trust that he wont change either) this is not that he doesnt want to feel that way anymore he is just worried...in his own words...that it wont be different and doesnt want to 'waste time' if it doesnt... he will go to counselling with me ...i guess I just dont understand what it is that he is missing in me if all of the elements are there...
2007-02-19 02:09:15 · update #1
Honey...I KNOW how your feeling. I have had that same horrible feeling before too, and it does get better. Give it some time. Maybe don't let him have "access" to you as easily and see what happens. I know it'll be hard cause you want to be with him and see him. But sometimes it's better to let them go, and see if they return. Good Luck to you....and I'll keep you in my prayers.
2007-02-19 01:53:13 · answer #1 · answered by K.W. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a heart-breaking situation, I'm so sorry!
My Husband and I were married 4 years and ended up in a situation much like yours except we went through the whole legal divorce, dated other people etc. We were apart 2 years. This was not my choosing but my Husband said pretty much the same as yours. We continued to see each other occasionally (we had a small child involved) we even slept together from time to time until I finally got strong enough to say "you can't have it both ways" THAT was tough cause I figured it was better than nothing. Anyway... after finally getting strong enough to truly not build my world around getting back with him, he began to come around. After dating other people we both realized that what we had was special and the grass was NOT greener on the other side. We got re-married and just celebrated our 30th anniversary last month. Still tough times? Sure! But NOW we know what's worth fighting for. Let him go...I KNOW it's SO hard, but in the end if it was meant to be...it will be!
Best of luck!
2007-02-19 01:58:38 · answer #2 · answered by TriciaC 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Fighting in a relationship is not right. If you both love each other that would be the last thing you would do. True love is contentment with a partner. Your husband has already stated that he doesn't want to be with you anymore. He has lost the excitement he once felt for you. You loving him isn't going to do you any good if he doesn't love you back! You need a person who will give you what you need in life. This is a sad situation but you might as well know the truth how he feels. Close the door on him for good and find that special guy who loves you for you! Cocoa
2007-02-19 02:01:00 · answer #3 · answered by cocoa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While I do not know either of you it sounds like he needs to find his heart. What is in the heart of man? For a man there is an overwhelming need for affirmation i.e.. I am a Man, I have what it takes. We also need adventure, a battle to win and a beauty to fight for.
I lived on the wild side for most of my life. Continually seeking affirmation of others. I could drink more, laugh louder, party longer... I was a tease and a flirt to every girl / woman out there. I was also a workaholich and needed to be praised for my good work.
As for my wife, sadly she was not a challenge and I took her for granted. After all, I had already won her. She became my Mother of sorts, so in the same way as I rebelled against her I also rebelled against my wife.
You are right that it would be a shame to waste what you have. Is there hope? Absolutely!
First, Know! that Christ is available to any that believe and ask. So invite him into your world. Start with going to a spirit filled bible believing church. Not only will you find peace and a joy beyond measure, you will also find healing and the support of other believers.
I would also recommend reading a book called "Wild at Heart" while it is intended for men it will bring greater understanding of what a man needs and feels.
2007-02-19 02:16:19 · answer #4 · answered by Friend 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's the one whose missing something. I don't really think the problem is your. It sounds like your husband doesn't know what he wants. My advice is, even though it may be painful, you should try to live your life for you. That's what he is doing. So spend some time away from him, find out what YOU want. Get some hobbies, hang out with your girlfriends and spend time with your kids. Don't let him be the decision maker in all this. It's your life too and if he keeps leading you on (which is what he's doing. Any man who says, "I love you, but I need my space", means he wants to be out of the relationship but wants to keep his options open). Make the decision yourself, there could be someone out there who WILL want to be with you - and not just sometimes. And who knows maybe by you taking your life out of HIS hands, he will finally be a man about the situation and decide what he truly wants.
2007-02-25 09:42:20 · answer #5 · answered by ameerah m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is something to be said of the saying "If he get the milk for free he wont buy the cow"
Its not just the sex but its all the goodies..you have no doubt in trying to work it out been on your very best behavior.
I would try a true separation. NO contact for at least 30 to 90 days and you should go on to counseling by your self. You may then see that you are not something that needs to be fixed, but something that needs to loved.
2007-02-26 23:36:32 · answer #6 · answered by Jp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, I don't meant to me but your husband is full of crap and your letting it slide. You guys hangout, talk, copulate etc. the only thing you aren't doing like a married couple is live together. I don't know all the intricacies of the relationship but if housing is the only thing harming the marriage y'all need to talk. My parents rented two apartments across the hall from each other for 2yrs and just celebrated there 22nd anniversary. They live together now but there was infidelity. Ask him to talk all your issues out and give it a shot. Your pastor would be a great place to look for help as well. 8 years is a long time to throw aside over something small. Good luck.
2007-02-26 18:41:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try and change your appearance . Look so good every time you see him . Make your self more adventurous and out going . He probably left cause he got bored and he needs change . When you get a complete makeover , call him and ask him to come for dinner . When he tries to jump your bones tell him you want to finish the night or tell him you are tired and you think he should go . Believe me he will keep trying to come back . the next time you invite him over look better and something different for you 2 to do with him . Make him beg and don't give in . GOOD LUCK !!!
2007-02-19 02:15:53 · answer #8 · answered by Me777 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a shame, but men like veriety and i learned this through a separation. Its not fair, but its reality, they want to be different they want to know that things are going to be really cool during sex education. Even though its unfair, its reality, the spice of life keeps the boring at bay, you have fun and keep having fun or it stops. If you forget how to enjoy your partner then you realise that its not so abnormal to do different things, be fun, don't be closed minded about sex, its hard for some women, but hell if we don't have fun are they? Keep it interesting and keep it on a lite note and your partner will always want you. Take care Heather
2007-02-26 20:51:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been down this road with an ex before, he does love you and want to hang out, but now wants more freedom. He wants to be with you but not give you the commitment you had before. What I learned from my experience was, he wanted to be with me for all the good stuff, (sex, fun, etc) but wanted to keep his options open for something else or just to have the freedom to do whatever with whomever without feeling guilty about me. Its really hard to do, but you have to cut it off. Otherwise everytime you hang out you are going to feel like you want to get back together but will just be left feeling miserable.
Good Luck.
2007-02-19 01:55:02 · answer #10 · answered by ellebelle05 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to move on. He has stated that he wants everything connected to a marriage EXCEPT he doesn't want to be married. If you are content with that situation then OK but I sense that you aren't. If you are in need of all the things he is offering now and want to be married then you must move on and find someone who can offer the "ENTIRE PACKAGE." You can do it if you really set your mind to it. Start dating others and STOP giving so freely of yourself to your ex husband. Channel that energy towards a potential mate. GOOD LUCK.
2007-02-26 19:17:41 · answer #11 · answered by andyt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋